TTC after stillbirth

[toots123]

Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey?

Thank you everyone.

@39Suzy We are actually planning to start as soon as possible after our results meeting next month.

DH and I both feel strongly we want to try again ASAP - but we'll keep checking in and making sure that's the case as we get closer. Things are still changing so much day to day but for now this is one constant for us.

I'm so sorry we're all going through this but I feel very thankful to have found a safe space to talk about things.

@miami81 let us know how the counselling goes. I am in two minds as to take this up as unsure how it will help us so would be useful to understand from someone else.

@nutellaoffthespoon hope you get the answers you need to move on with TTC

Hope everyone's Father's Day was ok.... i got DH a card but left it until he got home to give to him. I sobbed all day so just as well i was on my own!
AF is finishing so very short (back to 3 or 4 days compared to 5 last time) although first few days were very heavy. No idea if my cycle will regulate this month so going for a leap of faith and ignoring the app! How are you getting on @toots123 , hope your weekend away was great, any news?

@39Suzy & @LilacIris we go to counselling together. Only had one session so far and I found it really good. I found myself consciously holding back so that DH kind of had to speak as I have found up to now that he lets me speak most of the time.
It's through SANDS so really glad that they have been able to offer it to us.

Just catching up after being away. Lovely weekend but AF arrived yesterday which wasn't great.
Hi @nutellaoffthespoon I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope we all get some good news soon!

Hope counselling goes ok @miami81

A 33 day cycle last month was good, it was 50 the previous month so hopefully things are regulating now!

Sounds positive @toots123 🤞 for July x

Can I ask how long it took for your first AF to appear, if you're willing to share?

Thanks all

@nutellaoffthespoon my first was five ish weeks later (i didnt bleed much after as had surgery to remove placenta...period was heavy and longer than normal) second was four/ five days early and heavy but normal in length. Advise i got from the ladies i chatted to said it varies. Hope it comes soon so you can start to move forward x

@nutellaoffthespoon mine was 11 weeks. I had a post partum hemorage though which I think may have had an impact.
I was so worried. But then I got ovulation pains and knew AF would turn up eventually.

Thanks very much @Miami81 and @39Suzy.

Yep I've heard there's a lot of variation so guess it's just a waiting game!

I didn't get mine back for over a year due to BF with my daughter and they've always been pretty irregular so keen to get the first one so I can at least have a go at some form of tracking...

Hope everyone is doing okay today x

It was exactly 12 weeks for mine to return nutellaoffthespoon

@nutellaoffthespoon it took 8 weeks for mine to return. Sent me crazy, I was so desperate for my body to start getting back to normal again. I then had a 28 day cycle and then a 35 day cycle (very glad I used OPKs or I would have been convinced I was pregnant but knew I had ovulated really late).

@LilacIris a bit of a late response, but my DH was happy with TTC but then when we got a BPF he became really quiet and withdrawn. He found it really hard as he says he knows he can’t protect me from it happening again (we are high risk). He is now focusing on the fact that whilst he can’t control that, what he can do is focus on being there to support me if we do have something similar happen again.

Hope you ladies are all doing well. I am a feeling a bit sick and constantly needing to eat. I am just desperate to get to July to have CVS so I at least know if this pregnancy has a chance.

Awe @Bumbers how many weeks do you have to be for the cvs?. It must be so hard.
I think my DH is like yours, all he can think about is that he can't protect me from the pain. I am on CD5 today so the bd'ing is supposed to be starting soon. I think my DH is going to bottle it and I find myself getting angry just thinking about that.
But I have reflexology tonight and hoping that calms me the f down.

11.4 is the earliest for CVS. But not always possible- depends on the position of the placenta (we had to wait until we could do amnio at 16 weeks with the twins, which was torture). Hoping to have an early dating scan at start of July so then can book it in (hopefully mid July)

@Miami81 - really hope your DH comes round. It is scary, but it will be worth It in the end. It was so important to me to start trying as so aware time ticks by and I just wanted to feel like I was doing something!

I’m sorry to hear that @Miami81 and can understand your anger. I hope reflexology tonight went well.

What a horrible wait @Bumbers. I really hope this is a singleton pregnancy with the placenta in the right position for testing. Have you been given odds, like 1 in 4 etc, or the genetic condition occurring?

@LilacIris odds are 50:50.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Sorry for being negative.

@Bumbers I don't feel you are being negative, that's a lot to be carrying around on your mind every day.
I'm not even preggers again and know that we face a similar wait for different reasons. Because of my strange uterus shape it is very important where any baby implants. Placenta can't really be located until around then as well. Blood flow would be compromised if placenta was near the septum.
It's a long road, but we are all here with you.

@bumbers 50% means that 50% chance it will be a negative CVS. Stay positive, we are all here for you 😚

No wonder you are extra worried @Bumbers. I really hope you get the all clear and very soon. Do you have an appointment lined up?

How is everyone? I haven’t tested but have a huge spot so am confident AF is imminent which is good because of dates clashing. I think I will give the next cycle a miss but hope to be in a position to try after that.

FX for you @lilaciris
I went into work for the first time today. Shit that was hard.... lots of tears and hugs but at least it broke the ice. Made me realise how unready i am to go back too. Hope everyone else is ok x

Thank you @39Suzy and AF is here so that really is good.

Do you have a date you are planning on returning to work? I’m thinking probably early next year. I’ve only told two close colleagues so far what has happened. The longer I leave it, the bigger a thing it seems to be to say.

@lilaciris i sent a hand written note in to my team early on (as i went off sick as i was 23w 6d so didnt qualify for mat leave quite) to explain that my baby was born sleeping. We also asked not to be contacted at that time but since then have been in touch with/ met with a few of my close colleagues (individually but yesterday had lunch with my immediate team as a team of four). And i have text a few of the wider team i am close to as well. It has helped break the ice and they have some info on how i am / what we have been doing. I was advised (by the bereavement MW) to not announce i was going in... i could change my mind, people weren't lined up expecting me and the look on peoples' faces was pure joy and will stay with me for next time. Noone asked any awkward questions, they just were glad to see me and see how i was... they have had several weeks to digest the news which i think helped and being in touch with one or two meant i could ask meaningful questions (how is the house move going, did you have a good birthday) which deflected the conversation away from 'me' and put them at ease. Maybe send a card to explain what has happened or ask your collegues to update everyone? You have plenty of time but definitely try and keep in touch. I can give you the words from my note if you like (different circumstances i know but sure you could tweak). X

@lilaciris i think August! But will see....

Thank you @39Suzy and I think I am put off because there was a big reshuffle with lots of redundancies and redeployment recently, and I often work in different offices to my team (which is a small one anyway) so I feel I don’t know the others well enough to really want to talk to them about this. I was already on maternity leave when I gave birth so didn’t need to say anything at the time. I don’t think I will return to the company anyway as this has very much changed my perspective of a career and I want to spend my time with my older children whilst they are so young. The long hours and commute would mean I would be very much a weekend parent and I don’t want that. I think I will take the paid nine months maternity leave, use up my annual leave and then find something part time and stress free near to home. Or, hopefully, be on maternity leave. 🤞🏻

Is anyone else finding their cycles are very different to before their pregnancy? My last period was incredibly heavy for six days and then abruptly stopped whereas this time round I am on day two and it is little more than spotting. After last month, I’m a little scared to go far from home in case it starts up really heavily but I also don’t want to stay in for several days unnecessarily.

Are you signed off @39Suzy? I cannot imagine any employer or doctor being anything other than understanding and compassionate if you need longer off. It’s been almost five months for me and I am still crying every day and nowhere near being focused and motivated to hold it together in a workplace.

@LilacIris and @39Suzy– Hope you are both doing ok. Re 39Suzy I think the first day back is the hardest. I went back in very quickly (I was only 23 weeks and not full term). The first few days were awful especially as my useless boss hadn’t told anyone and as I work in a global team people couldn’t see the difference physically and so had people congratulating me on my pregnancy and it was awful. But I think going back is the hardest bit and now I am really happy I am back and have work as a distraction and focus. I have actually found that after the first day or two everyone has been brilliant. People have been lovely and supportive (and I have heard from others who have been through something similar), but also don’t focus on it which for me is easier.

Re AF – I had varying light and heavy and varying cycle length.

I have an informal dating scan at start of July (no actual booking but the feotal medicine midwife told me to come in) and then a placeholder booking a couple of weeks later for a scan and hopefully CVS. Still haven’t heard from the midwives about a booking in appointment yet though (despite chasing!)