TTC after stillbirth

[toots123]

Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey?

@lilaciris i have had no problems with the doctors issuing my sick note although had the backing of my midwife in any case (she said some people have six weeks, others 6 months or longer). I will have had ten weeks when this one runs out but going to extend for a few weeks more. It is natural to be emotional still, i am 8 weeks on and like you, dont have any focus or motivation for work at the moment. In a way, i am suprised there isnt more proactive contact to check on mental well-being... my DH and i were saying yesterday that it is shocking noone has been to see us since May and it has been left as 'you know where we are'. If we were in a worse place mentally i dont think i would be in a place to reach out.

@bumbers i am glad to get it over with. I work across multiple teams so know i am going to get some awkward questions /comments when i eventually return. I too was 24 weeks so some people will think i have had the baby whilst others wouldnt have known /noticed i was pregnant. My normal reaction would be to go back for a distraction which is partly why i am holding off this time.
That is good you have been in touch with foetal care.....they are the ones that will manage your pregnancy. I am not sure if you might have a specialist midwife for subsequent pregnancies (i know my booking will be done with the bereavement MW for any future pregnancies who then work with the local one to pass it over). May explain the delay?

@Bumbers that must have been awful when you returned. I don’t know if my hospital has a foetal medicine midwife but it does have a specialist in that area who is one of the doctors I have spoken to and who has a thorough plan in place for a subsequent pregnancy. I hope you get to book in soon and time isn’t dragging too much for your July scan.

I guess some women find the distraction of work easier than being away from it. I think that if I was home alone all day, I might hate it as well and desperately want to get back. Instead I feel like I can cocoon myself in my house with my family and heal. @39Suzy since leaving the hospital I have seen someone from the hospital three times - once was because the hospital needed me to sign paperwork for the funeral, once for the post mortem results and once because I asked for further answers following those results. I think the lack of follow up is awful and if I had signed the paperwork and declined the post mortem, presumably I wouldn’t have seen anyone.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

@lilaciris we still havent had our final PM results / funeral (we were advised 12 to 16 weeks) so it is definitely being dragged out. We know that it is unlikely to tell us anything we dont know but feels like we need it to gry some closure and start to move on. I did get a missed call from the hospital a few weeks ago but noone left a message or has tried to get in touch since. I have messaged the bereavement MD to get an update but not had anything back (i think she is on holiday as normally pretty responsive) It is poor isnt it. I am finding you ladies a great support though 😁👍
I am lucky thay DH works shifts so has a lot of time at home so have some company. It is funny though that at the moment i am really happy at home, normally i would be chomping at the bit to get away somewhere but really dont feel lile i want to commit to anything just now and just be on our own.

I was told it would be 12 weeks for PM results as well but it ended up being just over nine. It didn’t tell us anything new either although it did confirm a few things and, in a way, it was an answer because we knew what the post mortem would tell us if we had one rather than always having a doubt that we could have known more. It was the last formal thing and afterwards it felt very much that there was never left to focus on which was a struggle for me. It’s really poor about your midwife. Not that you should have to, but can you email again?

Yes, definitely, having all of you ladies is a great support even though I am so sorry you are in this situation.

@lilaciris i will give her a chase today. DH has also been talking about giving baby a send off of some kind for some closure too which actually is a great idea and think will help.

Well, according to my app (based on my last cycle) i am coming to the end of my fertility window, i have definitely had ov signs over the last few days and sure i had ov pain yesterday (tried a opk and was completely negative.... they never work for me! Or i have ov and LH hotmone has plummeted straightaway). We have dtd over the weekend a few times but going to carry on regardless (just for fun!).

How is everyone else getting on?

Hi ladies just checking in to see how everyone is? Had a haircut yesterday (not the usual hairdresser as not quite up to facing her yet

Posted too soon!!! And been for a lunch date today. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine x

How is everyone today? Hope people are managing to enjoy the sunshine.

@suzy39 it took us 12 weeks to get our PM results. They didn't really find anything.

However, we arranged the cremation (separately via the co-op funeral care) as we didn't want to go with the hospital burial which was the standard option. However we did that within a few days of the loss. We chose not to attend or keep the ashes, which were instead scattered in the child section of the crematorium, by a pretty pond.

I have a first scan on Monday. I think I will be 9w 4d. Not feeling happy or positive at all as know it is still more likely than not that this pregnancy won't end with a baby. Really want to get the next few weeks over with.

Hope everyone else is doing ok! Anyone approaching testing time?

Sorry I've not posted in a while - had an up-and-down week and struggled keeping up with communication all over.

Some positives - had a second meet up a friend and her newborn and felt only good things, and loved my snuggles. Less positive - DH struggling and me feeling like I'm making things more difficult for him. Plus we're sorting arrangements for the cremation which is taking a toll on us both. Even though I think we'll both find it tough but also actually really quite healing.

On the TTC front we are actually just planning to not wait at all now. So just going to play things by ear until my cycle sorts itself out but won't actively wait until any specific point.

I'll keep you posted but it'll be a while until there's much to report I suspect...

Fingers crossed for those trying this month - really hope there's positive news for you soon.

Hi @bumbers i had pretty much given up on this thread so great to hear from you! I have caught up with the MW and there is still no date booked for the autopsy (still quoting 12 to 16 weeks which means it will probably be August). Hope the next few weeks go quick for you, i really hope it is good news as you deserve it.

@nutellaoffthespoon that all sounds positive. I havent come face to face with any of the babies that are arriving yet but sounds like you managed well. Sorry to hear that DH is struggling. I think that everyone grieves differently with no set pattern so there will be days where you are off kilter as a couple. I guess you just have to recognise that and be there for him.

We have decided to go to the funeral (hospital cremation) as we think it will help us. It wont be for a while yet but we know it is there.

I am a week away from my anticipated AF. I was looking back at dates (as all my NHS scans dated me +4/5days with my previous pregnancy) and actually think i ovulate earlier than i thought (cd10) and had a longer LP. Looking at my last cycle, (which was shorter than 'usual')if my LP was 14 days, it would be right ..... so, i used this as a basis for tracking this month and seem to have ovulated early (judging by CM and cervical position) so will just have to see if we have got the timing right. Boobs have gone really heavy and have had cramping /pinching feelings but that could mean anything. Feeling a bit more relaxed about it i think and keep telling myself it will happen in the end even if it isnt this month.

I have seen that MrsLCW has had a BFP 😁

@39Suzy you lovely lady I have!! I got my BFP on thurs, the day after What would have been Penny's due date, so I like to think she's sent us a gift!
We moved out of our house on thurs and into our new house in Cheshire on Friday, so all in all a pretty perfect weekend!

I've attached pics of my tests, CB was thurs and digi fri... AF due today.

Sending you all loads of luck and love, and major thanks for being there!! Xxx

Congratulations again @mrslcw 😁 (and great work Penny!)

Lovely news @MrsLCW lovely for you to feel that connection with Penny as well.
I am 1-2 dpo today. Feeling quite anxious about it all, but nothing I can do now but wait.
Won't be testing until cd 24 I think, so ages to go yet. I have 26-27 day cycles so it should be fine to test then.
Fingers crossed for you @39Suzy when are you thinking of testing?

@miami81 i will wait until AF is due or i get symtoms. Last two times (i had a MC @5 weeks too) my boobs grew overnight and i felt sick a good few days before AF. 🤞

Congratulations @MrsLCW. I am so happy for you.

@39Suzy fingers crossed for you

@Miami81 I hope the tww goes quickly.

@nutellaoffaspoon I am glad you managed ok with the newborn. I think we will always have ups and downs, I don't think it will ever entirely go away. I think organising the cremation was actually good for us (esp DH) as it felt like the only thing we could actually do for our babies. I hope it helps you both as well.

Congratulations @MrsLCW How lovely! So delighted for you!

Thanks @39Suzy and @Bumbers Yes I think we're doing okay overall - it's just the unpredictable ups and downs. DH has been so strong and I just feel I've relied on him too much which has pushed him to breaking point. But we're talking more honestly and deeply now so hopefully neither of us will too far off piste without the other one knowing.

@nutellaoffthespoon it is funny isnt it how these things bring you closer x

I hope your ovulation theory is correct @39Suzy.

Congratulations @MrsLCW and a lovely link to Penny.

I hope the two week wait goes quickly for you @Miami81

Big hug @nutellaoffthespoon

I hope everyone is doing ok. I just have this horrible feeling that I won’t have another child and I can’t shift the thought. I’ve also started worrying about work which is silly really as I’m fairly certain I won’t return, but I need the money really.

I'm so rubbish at keeping up on here!

Congratulations @mrslcw that's lovely news and so nice that Penny has sent you this lovely sign. Stick around, we might have an AN group eventually

Well done #nutellaoffthespoon on going to see a baby. That must have been hard but you did it
I also went to see my friend who had twins the day after our little girl was born. It was very nice and my toddler loved it.

Fx for you @39suzy

@miami81 hope it goes quick!

Entering fertile window at the end of this week so will start opks today.
This is only our second officially month of ttc and I feel the same @lilacIris just worried it doesn't happen. Isn't helping that I'm the most impatient person in the world.

I did have a chat with dh though and basically told him I won't give up until we have a baby in our arms. He originally said he only wanted to try for 1 year but is completely on board.
Not sure how long we'll try for before bothering the GP. It took 1.5 years to get our bfp last time

Hi All. Bad news at my scan this morning- there was no heartbeat. Going in for surgical management on Thursday. Probably due to our known genetic issues, but we are going to push for testing and hopefully confirm.

Hope everyone else is doing a bit better.

Oh @bumbers i am so sorry. There is nothing else to say that will make it any better but know that i am thinking of you and sending you much strength to get through this. 😚 I hope you get some answers x

@toots123 good luck to you and thanks x

@Bumbers I am so sorry.

@Bumbers I'm so so sorry love 😢

Oh @Bumbers how devastating. I hope testing is carried out and you get some answers. Will be thinking of you on Thursday. Sending love.

Glad your DH is onboard to keep trying @toots123 and hopefully it won’t take you long. I don’t think there would be any harm in seeing your GP now and think that under the circumstances they will be sympathetic and willing to help sooner than guidelines state.

For those of you who received letters from your consultants confirming your post mortem results or ttc plans, how long after the appointment did you receive them?

@Bumbers I am so very very sorry xx