Name changed for this as maybe outing.
I’ve been with my DP for nearly 4 years. Get on really well with each other’s family, see his siblings/partners/nephews regularly and get on well. Meet his sister for a coffee now and again and have baby sat for the kids a couple of times. We get on well and see eachother for a full day maybe once a month.
In my family we do secret Santa for the adults (budget £30-£40) and don’t buy kids as there’s too many, they have enough stuff and it’s just a waste. We’ve done it for a few years and it’s worked well. I’ve always asked him if he wants to be in it but he’s said no which is fine, it’s all women in our secret Santa and I get why he doesn’t want to be in it.
However him and his 3 siblings have always brought for each other + kids. As more kids have been born (5 nephews and I have one son, we have none together) it’s obviously gets dearer. Last week I saw one of his sister in laws (all his siblings are married except one who’s due to be married in january) and mentioned this is what we do in my family.
So fast forward to tonight. I’m browsing online and see a present perfect for one of his brothers. I show him and he agrees but then says ‘we are doing secret Santa this year’ I said oh right I wonder who’ll I get and he said oh I don’t think you’re in it. I said why wouldn’t I be and he said well no one mentioned your name.
I’ve had a hard week with some really bad family news so I’m not sure if this has tipped me over the edge because I’m emotional but it’s really upset me. It’s not about having a present, I’m an adult and can afford to buy what I want but I feel so left out. We are spending Xmas day with his family so they’d all be exchanging gifts and I’d have nothing. And I’m more hurt that DP didn’t just say ‘oh yeah what about Brent’.
As I said it’s not about actually having a gift it’s more the feeling of being totally left out and suddenly feeling like I’m not seen as part of the family. I’m really hurt 😢
Anyway AIBU?
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AIBU?
Am I right to feel left out- secret Santa related
181 replies
Brentmeister · 25/10/2021 22:59
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
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You are being unreasonable
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You are NOT being unreasonable
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