To think this is physically impossible?

(157 Posts)
Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 02:20:27

Had DD2 last week. It was an emergency csection and physically I am pushed to my limits. Trying to establish breastfeeding whilst in agony and with no sleep to help recovery has been hell. Thought I'd turned a corner with less pain today but had issues with catheter and had to take antibiotics and have developed horrendous diarrhea today as a result. I'm in bed in agony with cramps and feel worse than if I had food poisoning. Feel utterly dehydrated too. Also have bad chest, throat and cough from a bug I picked up from DD1 who's at school. It gets even worse at night, and I am lying here trying not to cough as the pain on c section scar when I do is awful.

To top it off I have no idea what I'm doing with DD. She is getting more unsettled as the days go by and am now getting 2 hours broken sleep a night if I'm lucky. She's been feeding non stop since 9pm. She just had a 45 minute catnap and I couldn't sleep during it from my stomach cramps, it's making horrible gurgles and will probably need to run to the loo again in a minute.

It seems completely hopeless. Looking after a newborn is tough as it is, but with poor health on top it is just impossible.

I feel like a failure. What do I do?

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foxgoosefinch Fri 24-Sep-21 02:25:40

Agh, OP, I feel you. I’ve been there and it feels like hell. Just get through an hour at a time and try to focus just on the present and not worry about the bigger picture. Can you pull in any favours from friends, relatives, anyone who offers, help from drs, midwife team at all? Now is the time to ask and grab, even if it’s getting a friendly neighbour to watch the baby for 60 mins while you catch a little bit of sleep. flowers flowers

Yarboosucks Fri 24-Sep-21 02:25:59

I have no practical advice, but I have read your post and did not want to not at least acknowledge you!

foxgoosefinch Fri 24-Sep-21 02:27:03

(And you aren’t a failure - you’re just having a shit time! You’re doing your best in a bad situation - no-one can ask for more.) flowers

Yarboosucks Fri 24-Sep-21 02:27:36

Do you have any live yoghurt to eat or yakult? It will help with your stomache

Yarboosucks Fri 24-Sep-21 02:28:43

Deffo not a failure! Bastard bacteria!

QuestionableMouse Fri 24-Sep-21 02:30:57

I'd grab a Covid test with those symptoms sorry. ☹️

Can you mixed feed? Gives you a chance to recover if someone else can feed and hold her for a bit.

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BurningBright7 Fri 24-Sep-21 02:36:54

I am so sorry, you must be in so much pain. I take probiotics with upset stomach and it gives me relief fairly quick. I usually get the tablets. Hope you have some help or support, if not you are very brave and sending healing vibes your way.

stayathomer Fri 24-Sep-21 02:39:24

but had issues with catheter
Have I read this right? Op are you still in hospital? (Just wondering as someone above mentioned covid test and that was my first thought). Are you in the uk or Ireland? Why would you feel like a failure when you're obviously sick? Is anyone helping you?

Randomness12 Fri 24-Sep-21 02:40:29

Sounds silly but are you on top of your pain medication? I found after mine I was ok (manageable) if I took my tablets religiously but if I forgot within the first 10 days or so even by 20 mins the pain was too much. Also, have you taken any immodium or similar to stop the stomach cramps just for tonight?

I agree, I’d also be getting a covid test plus sending someone out to get you some probiotic first thing to settle your stomach,

You’ve been through major surgery, and it sounds like your baby is trying to establish your milk supply with cluster feeding - how about a bottle to give you a break? It’s still such early days you’ll be able to remedy a few formulas feeds (if you want to) but you need to rest.

I hope you feel better soon flowers

Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 02:52:51

Thank you all I feel much less lonely.

@stayathomer no I was discharged after 24h and went home with a catheter.

We did do covid PCR tests and they are negative. Only the bad stomach is a new symptom since but I was told when given the antibiotics this might happen.

Really need to focus on taking one hour at a time, as I am so worried I will start getting anxious (had bad anxiety when DD1 was born) and good mental health is my only salvation right now when physical health is non-existent, but I can feel it starting to slip.

I do have DH here he is great but I'm probably not leveraging him as much as I should, I somehow prefer to know he is well rested at all times to give me comfort that someone can take over when I truly reach breaking point. The nights are all about feeding anyway so don't feel like he can help sad.

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Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 02:56:30

@Randomness12 yes probably not religiously enough with the pain relief which hasn't helped.

I haven't taken immodium as I'm never sure what's allowed medication-wise when breastfeeding. Also read it can make it worse as it just needs to come out, but I am.not sure. Will definitely call for advice in the morning, I have 3 more days of the AB to take and really don't want to, but I know it's important to finish the cycle...

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FortunesFave Fri 24-Sep-21 03:04:52

Have they said they'd send a health visitor or nurse to check up on you? Can't believe you're home with a catheter!

Is there a dH or are you alone?

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 24-Sep-21 03:09:35

HOnestly? I would give baby to husband with instructions to feed and change as neccessary (yes, a bottle feed) and sleep sleep sleep. You are not Superwoman, and sometimes its ok to say "I cant do this" and let the easiest thing go, which right now is the BF. I am sure that I will be blasted apart for saying that but as a woman who couldnt BF for medical reasons (short story....I have no milk ducts), and has 6 kids who all did just fine on formula, what is most important to your baby right now? A mother who put herself back in hospital in order to BF or a mother who is rested, healthy and happy whilst the baby got what she needed nutritionally?

If you dont have a MW visit tomorrow, then call and ask for one and when they arrive tell them everything.

Gooseysgirl Fri 24-Sep-21 03:17:07

Discharge 24hrs after major abdominal surgery!!! Jesus Christ. They tried to do this to me too, I said sorry I'm going nowhere for at least two days. Have you got proper pain relief meds? I was discharged from hospital after my second c section with paracetamol - what a fking joke. I promptly rang the GP for proper pain relief meds and dispatched DH to get them for me immediately. DS had silent reflux so sleep was non existent. Definitely time for reinforcements if you have anyone else nearby who can help! Massive hugs to you xxx

stayathomer Fri 24-Sep-21 03:22:31

Op sending flowers and brew . I didn't realise they could send you home with a catheter after having a baby. Yes, get all the help you can, the early days are so so hard without all of that. You are doing better than you think you are and are amazing. Take care and keep us updated, we're here. Also remember your husband hasn't physically gone through what you have so can help and probably wants to more than you think

Librocubicularistt Fri 24-Sep-21 03:27:27

I have been there to some extent and kept constantly reminding myself that it will get better by day. You are doing an amazing job as it is so be proud. Do you have any family/ friends that can help you out for a few mins every few days? Eat bland, low-fat foods like plain rice, broiled chicken, toast, and yogurt. Drink plenty of fluids. Try pain relief and keep them next to your bed side with water. M Speak to DP as I am sure s/he will be understanding.
Sending you lots of cuddles xx

Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 03:29:29

Thank you it's so good to hear it's not just me being weak I'm crying at the support.

Catheter at home was miserable, had it removed today and was on a high it was gone but I still need to take the AB and the stomach issues started later today and it's like Im back to square one.

Bad timing with the start of cluster feeding too. DD is so cute I feel so bad for not coping. Can't even leave DH to it as we have no formula, no bottles, no steriliser...

Hoping to be able to see the woods for the trees in the morning...

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badg3r Fri 24-Sep-21 03:29:43

Oh you poor thing! This sounds miserable! Put your DH in charge of bringing you the maximum amount of pain relief without prompting until further notice. Would a hot water bottle help as well? Also he needs to check every one to two hours that you have enough water/food etc even at night. And try to take half an hour a day to shower/wash for you. During the day if they baby is fussing or awake DH takes them so you can sleep. I am terrible for self care when the kids need me but honestly it's so important to be looked after yourself or it'll just take twice as long to get better. Good luck!

Librocubicularistt Fri 24-Sep-21 03:30:31

Yep agree, I did combine feeding and worked well for us especially when I needed to catch up on some well deserved rest. Didn’t feel bad at all and baby was having milk either way.

FortunesFave Fri 24-Sep-21 03:35:15

Can you send DH to get bottles? You mention you can't leave DH to it as no formula etc....why not buy some?

Chica1990 Fri 24-Sep-21 03:36:14

I'm up with my 3 week old thinking I'm having a tough time and your situation sounds like absolute hell - I'm so sorry!

I agree with previous posters, now is the time to call in the favours. Send a mass message to everyone saying how you are struggling and if anyone can spare a day to come look after the baby so you can catch up on sleep and see who responds with offers. If someone had actually said to me before they were in desperate need of a nap and what days I could spare I would do my best to help in any way I can.

Also get onto the gp and tell them how much pain you're in!

If the above fails I wonder if you could go back to hospital?

Beseen22 Fri 24-Sep-21 03:37:13

Did they attempt removal of the catheter? I'm a nurse and I think this sounds dreadful, I'm assuming you just got it in for surgery so they should have attempted to remove it prior to discharge. And even it was a failed trial without catheter they should have a plan in place for getting it removed with the District or practice nurses. Why on earth would they discharge you after just 24 hours with a cath in situ. Thats crazy.

Be so so kind to yourself. I would guess there is an element of cluster feeding along with you being dehydrated. You need to focus on hydrating before you can even think about feeding the baby. Have you considered doing some bottle feeding while you pump every 3 hours just to remind your breasts to make milk, not in any way focusing on output (because remember you are dehydrated). I would also make sure you are on top of pain relief but I would avoid the immodium. You probably need a covid swab and you should be sleeping every time you are not pumping. Is your baby having plenty of wet nappies?

My first born came out nipple ready and I was so sure it would be simple as for the second and a set of circumstances led to him never directly breastfeeding. I pumped long term which worked for us but it certainly gave me a lot more perspective that the most important thing is that mum and baby are well and well fed. Dont feel guilt about not holding your new baby enough while you are sick, if you look after yourself your body will heal quicker.

Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 03:44:33

@Beseen22 yes they removed it but I couldn't pass urine so it had to go back in. Initially I was glad to go home as I felt bad not being there for DD1 but it's been quite the ordeal. I think tomorrow I'll stay in bed all day and let DH bring me DD for feeds and do nothing else.

We don't really have any other support locally, but I feel like even if someone came to help for an hour there is no way I could just fall asleep on demand, I'm such a mess I can't relax at all. Arghhh so worried I'll never be OK again

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Imafailure Fri 24-Sep-21 03:48:42

Oh and on the hydration I definitely have such a dry mouth and throat, but plenty of milk.

In fact I also have plenty of pain from how engorged I am, just rock solid. It makes it harder for DD to latch so she is fussier and we both get drenched in milk every couple of hours (through breast pads, bra and top) and I have to get up and get us a new set of clothes and change us when getting out of bed is a bloody painful in the first place. I remember the early BF days being hard with DD1 but this is another level.

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