To think this is physically impossible?

[Imafailure]

Had DD2 last week. It was an emergency csection and physically I am pushed to my limits. Trying to establish breastfeeding whilst in agony and with no sleep to help recovery has been hell. Thought I'd turned a corner with less pain today but had issues with catheter and had to take antibiotics and have developed horrendous diarrhea today as a result. I'm in bed in agony with cramps and feel worse than if I had food poisoning. Feel utterly dehydrated too. Also have bad chest, throat and cough from a bug I picked up from DD1 who's at school. It gets even worse at night, and I am lying here trying not to cough as the pain on c section scar when I do is awful.

To top it off I have no idea what I'm doing with DD. She is getting more unsettled as the days go by and am now getting 2 hours broken sleep a night if I'm lucky. She's been feeding non stop since 9pm. She just had a 45 minute catnap and I couldn't sleep during it from my stomach cramps, it's making horrible gurgles and will probably need to run to the loo again in a minute.

It seems completely hopeless. Looking after a newborn is tough as it is, but with poor health on top it is just impossible.

I feel like a failure. What do I do?

[CatsForLife]

I wanted to cry reading your post because we all know how you feel. Those early days are so tough and all those other issues... I can’t imagine. Take one day at a time and basically write yourself off for doing anything else than getting yourself to loo, eating, drinking and feeding baby. God it feels never ending but even this time next week you will be much better. You can’t think clearly when you’re ill, let alone trying to b/f a newborn. I’m presuming you can’t shower after c-section? That helps to get rid of excess milk before a feed.

[whatswithtodaytoday]

You can get bottles of rest made formula with teats attached - they are expensive and not a long-term solution, but they would do for now until you can sort out the rest.

DH is up and getting your older child ready for school, right? On the way home he can stop by a big supermarket to get you what you need.

I hope things improve quickly, it sounds awful.

[whatswithtodaytoday]

*ready-made

[Polkadots2021]

@Imafailure

Thank you all I feel much less lonely.

*@stayathomer* no I was discharged after 24h and went home with a catheter.

We did do covid PCR tests and they are negative. Only the bad stomach is a new symptom since but I was told when given the antibiotics this might happen.

Really need to focus on taking one hour at a time, as I am so worried I will start getting anxious (had bad anxiety when DD1 was born) and good mental health is my only salvation right now when physical health is non-existent, but I can feel it starting to slip.

I do have DH here he is great but I'm probably not leveraging him as much as I should, I somehow prefer to know he is well rested at all times to give me comfort that someone can take over when I truly reach breaking point. The nights are all about feeding anyway so don't feel like he can help :(.

OP you're at breaking point now, physically use your DH as much as possible!! Everything he can do, get him to do it.

You've just birthed a human, you're sick, sleep deprived to torture levels, recovering from major surgery, the lost goes on. If this isn't breaking point, what is?!

[Auroreforet]

I hope you soon feel better OP.
As others have said do concentrate on yourself if possible.

It’s sad to me that there is less help for mums than women had 60 years ago. My dm was poor working class but had a mother’s help everyday for at least a week after childbirth plus extended family stepped up.

[tealandteal]

Ask your husband to pop to the shop and pick up your favourite drinks, maybe some sport drinks to keep electrolytes up. You can also pick up pre made formula with teats so no sterilising etc to give you a little break. If the latch is a problem consider a doidy cup or a syringe, this is what we did for the first few days.

[CodLoverOil]

I can empathise with this. It's OK to want to prioritise bf, but given the challenges you're facing it'll take a lot of support from others and love and kindness towards yourself. Hopefully from having had your DD1, and the great responses you've had from pp, you know that your situation right now is not usual nor something you should just be getting on with. I understand you wanting to protect your DH, but try and let him take some of the mental load of caring for you and the family. I wonder whether he can delay return to work so you're not feeling the pressure of a deadline to recover?

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's an unbelievable amount of pressure on you.

[MiloAndEddie]

As a PP said you can get ready made formula with teats attached so no need for bottles/sterilisers etc which may just get you over the hump.

Don’t martyr yourself here, why the bloody hell does your DH need to be well rested? And why the fuck isn’t he realising how much you’re struggling?

I think he needs some more time off too and unless he is doing a job where he’s saving lives or endangering them by being tired, going to work isn’t reason enough to not be bloody helping.

[tootootaataa]

You are NOT a failure.

Talk to your DH.

It is an everyday surgery so I think society has become complacent about what a big operation it is.

I did it four times. Sometimes I bounced back quickly but not every time. And I was in hospital so able to relax.

Also, please talk to your health visitor.

Ask your DH to organisé a cleaner for a couple of weeks.

If people offer food, take it.

And sleep.

You cannot run on empty.

If you don't have a breast pump, get one. Breast milk can be frozen and at this point the baby needs only a tiny amount. My babies all suckled on my little finger too

[SoftplayTaintedLove]

Please please get DH to take off more leave. Or find money to get a nanny or nurse to be with you next week. Or a friend.

[Rangoon]

With my first c-section it was at least a week in hospital in my country - I escaped on day 2 and stayed in a private unit specially equipped for new mothers. Wonderful meals, 24 hour midwife care and a cocktail of painkillers while somebody else looked after the baby during the night. The physio visited to give me exercises to get back into shape. People could visit for afternoon tea. It was really unfortunate it closed down shortly after becauser of lack of patronage. I bet if there was a bit more focus in antenatal classes on how awful the recovey can be, it would have been booked solid. I was due back at work in six weeks so I knew I needed to be be in the best shape possible for this.

The second one I was biffed out of hospital I think after 48 hours - they bribed us with packs of disposable nappies to leave. My husband had been really keen I breastfed the first - that was a nightmare and I ended up black and blue with a supply side problem. With the second one, he was saying we needed to get him on to formula and knock the breast feeding on the head. I did express for a bit and then moved on to formula because it was pretty obvious I was going to have continued supply side problems. The nanny started the day I came home and my husband did the night feeds so I could recover because, again, I was due back at work in six weeks.

I guess what I'm saying is that all this stuff about pregnancy and childbirth not being an illness and merely a natural process has conned a lot of women into simply doing everything within a week with next to no sleep. People who use controlled crying in the first six weeks are seen as heartless monsters. My eldest slept through after six weeks and my second slept through after eight weeks. I'm talking midnight to 6 am or so and the relief of getting some sleep was wonderful. And they weren't snuffling in our room either - they had their own rooms as soon as they came home from hospital. I see women who have no help, no sleep and think this is normal. I want to shriek at them to wake up. Take whatever help you can get and keep those painkillers coming. Some of my friends looked like they aged a decade after having a baby with all the presssure to carry on as normal with minimal help.

[MitheringMytryl]

If you aren't well enough to care for your children come Monday then DH will have no choice but delay going back.

You don't need to do this alone. He is just as responsible for their care as you are.

[ginandgingers92]

Just popping in to say you CAN do it!
I was v v poorly after my daughter was born, took a good few months to recover, and had a 2 year old at home with my EBF newborn. Utilise all the help you can, rest as and when it's possible, don't rule out a bit of screen time.
You will do it, mothers have unparalleled strength and determination when they need for

[Monestera]

I’m getting a bit irritated by your husband’s apparent uselessness.

I don’t think your DH can go back to work on Monday.

I don’t think you have to think about organising formula, your DH can

[Shuffleuplove]

Bloody hell what on earth have I just read? You were discharged post CS with catheter in situ??? Christ alive.

Call in EVERY favour. Post it on fb, tell your neighbours. I don’t even know you and if you’re within an hour of Cambridge I’m happy to come over and help sort stuff out! God almighty! And the husband needs to call the boss and say he’ll see him at Halloween and not before!

[MrsClatterbuck]

Just came on to say when coughing put a pillow over your wound. Tio I was told when recovering from surgery for an ectopic pregnancy

[BreatheAndFocus]

You’re not a failure - you’re ill I think you need to totally narrow down your focus. Stay in bed and explain to your DH clearly how much you’re struggling and how much you need his help. Make sure he looks after your baby downstairs for periods of the day so you can nap. I found even a 40 min nap helped me a lot. Also, knowing you don’t have to do anything but the essentials can take pressure off.

Do you have something g like Dioralyte? That might help you feel better with the tummy stuff. I was ill for the first few days after DD1 was born and sipped glucose drinks, water, juice and milk. It felt like my ‘petrol tank’ was completely empty and concentrating on getting fluids and calories in really helped.

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

i hope you have a midwife visit
can you ask to change your antibiotics - you shouldnt have to put up with diarrhoea as well with a new born

[omargard]

Can you get a steriliser/bottles/breast pump? You say you have plenty of milk so he could potentially do some feeds with expressed milk. Why is he going back to work so soon - you don't sound strong enough to cope with a toddler and a baby just yet!

[LimpLettice]

Honestly OP, stop worrying about DH! You're considering formula despite a brilliant supply and feeling dreadful about it - that means this breaking point you are worrying about is now!

Stop worrying about bottles and sterilising and keeping him well and everything else.

Keep on your pain meds religiously
Hand express for a few minutes before a feed so you are softer and she latches more easily
Double your fluid intake
Give her to DH to take to the other side of the house and bring her back only for feeds every 2-3 hours for 24 hours, but block out her usually cluster feeding hours which usually early evening?
Sleep the rest of the time
Invest in a good pump and get him doing one night feed with expressed milk but don't bother today. Today you need rest.

[BoomChicka]

Your DH needs to be doing everything and you need to do nothing but feed (if you are bf). If you aren't well on Monday he can't return to work. I'm usually the most 'get a grip and get on with it' person ever so if I'm telling you to STOP then you should

[ginandgingers92]

@LimpLettice , great advice 👌🏼

[Mothersister]

So sorry you’re feeling so unwell. It’s so important to keep on top of your pain meds for the first few days, even if you feel like you’re doing ok pain wise. I can’t believe you’ve been discharged with a catheter. 24 hours post section is very quick.

Honestly I would knock the breast feeding on the head and bottle feed her. It will allow your husband to become more involved, you can make a note of how much she’s having and how long she’s going in between feeds. Why make your life more difficult when you’re feeling so unwell. 💐

[BoomChicka]

Just to add, if formula feeding feels easier then crack on with that too, don't give it another thought.

[8MinutesToSunrise]

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/diarrhoea-acute-and-breastfeeding-mothers

This tells you whats safe to take to ease the diarrhoea while breastfeeding. Hang in there