To think this is physically impossible?

[Imafailure]

Had DD2 last week. It was an emergency csection and physically I am pushed to my limits. Trying to establish breastfeeding whilst in agony and with no sleep to help recovery has been hell. Thought I'd turned a corner with less pain today but had issues with catheter and had to take antibiotics and have developed horrendous diarrhea today as a result. I'm in bed in agony with cramps and feel worse than if I had food poisoning. Feel utterly dehydrated too. Also have bad chest, throat and cough from a bug I picked up from DD1 who's at school. It gets even worse at night, and I am lying here trying not to cough as the pain on c section scar when I do is awful.

To top it off I have no idea what I'm doing with DD. She is getting more unsettled as the days go by and am now getting 2 hours broken sleep a night if I'm lucky. She's been feeding non stop since 9pm. She just had a 45 minute catnap and I couldn't sleep during it from my stomach cramps, it's making horrible gurgles and will probably need to run to the loo again in a minute.

It seems completely hopeless. Looking after a newborn is tough as it is, but with poor health on top it is just impossible.

I feel like a failure. What do I do?

[Jubilate]

Jeez, that's really tough, and IMO sending a breastfeeding mother home 24 hours after a csection and a catheter(!?!?) is unethical.

I had a cough post section, and I used to tie a scarf around my stomach to hold the muscle in place while I coughed.

Can you lie in your bed to feed the baby? Do you have someone who could keep and eye on you if it makes you feel safer?

Yes to the Yakult, it'll really help. Try to think of the majority of these issues as temporary (they are, I promise). A week from now will look totally different. Ask for help for now though.

[Tilltheend99]

I wrote a really long reply but page refreshed and deleted hope you feel better soon. I recognise a lot of what I went through with my DD after c sec three months ago. When you get visit from HV team ask to see a breastfeeding councillor. I know this is your 2nd DD but all babies are different and all that and I think it will defo help you as from your description it sounds like baby is still hungry after a feed and struggling with latch. Ask them to check for tongue tie. Antibiotics can also unsettle her so things may improve a bit now your course is over. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly and don’t feel bad. Won’t tell you to get more sleep as that’s ridiculous 😆 but make sure you constantly drink water and get semi-healthy food with carbs and protein. You said you worry about disturbing your husband, this is something he can do; make sure you constantly have a full glass of water and a snack. Those oat bars, while not exciting, are good for energy and milk production. Best of luck.

[NoSquirrels]

Your DH cannot go back to work on Monday.

If he absolutely MUST - if his job is so crucial they cannot possibly cope without him for another week - then you need emergency childcare help. For most of the day.

You cannot stay home alone with a toddler and newborn when recovering from major abdominal surgery and when you have been so unwell.

Stop being brave. Stop worrying about protecting your DH or making it easier.

You need solid reliable help. Buy it in if necessary.

[FreiasBathtub]

Oh OP I so feel for you. I had a c-section with my second, nowhere near as physically traumatic as yours but it did take me a lot of time to recover. But I did! It will get better.

Echoing pp's advice re the pre-mixed bottles and only prioritising sleep/getting better. This was going to be hard for DD1 whatever you did but little kids are resilient, they bounce back. When you're better you can help her through her feelings about DD2, but you don't need to do that right now. You honestly won't do her any long-term damage, even though it's hard to see her struggling at the moment.

Can you throw money at the problem? I had a postnatal doula for 6hrs a week with DC2 and it is the best money I spent. She came and held/played with the baby while I slept - she folded my laundry, tidied the kitchen, chatted to me if I felt like it. Was amazing. You can look on the website here to see if any are available in your area:

doula.org.uk/find-a-doula/

Good luck and remember - you are the priority now, everything else can wait and get sorted later on.

[Tomnooktoldmeto]

You’re doing wonderful be proud of yourself, with the coughing if you feel it coming hold a cushion or pillow to your abdomen this is an old physio tip we used to teach, for the antibiotic related diarrhoea please get some good quality pro biotics, I use optibac blue but any good standard ones will help recolonise your gut. If it gets worse please flag it with your GP as you can develop a very nasty condition called pseudomembrinis colitis which requires treatment
Pain relief needs to be taken religiously for the first couple of weeks, after that take as needed
Although you feel crap right now and want to take to your bed remember it’s very important to keep moving to prevent blood clots
You’re doing so well you just don’t realise it yet, be kind to yourself and take care, the first few days aren’t always the dreamy time people imagine and that can be hard to square in your mind, in a few months you’ll look back and see how strong you were

[mumwon]

quite a few women get tummy cramps with second & subsequent babies op (on top of your tummy upset) when & just after the feed this may be making your upset tummy cramps feel worse BUT this type of cramp will stop very soon. Saying this I think you should be contacting your gp

[NoSquirrels]

If necessary you need your HV or community midwives to tell your DH that you are too sick for him to go back to work on Monday.

Please, please advocate for yourself. I know we are conditioned not to, I know how hard the “But work!” conversation can be with some men, but you are properly ill as well as having to care for a baby. You need rest and looking after. Struggling on will make you worse.

[LimpLettice]

Oh OP, it will get better. You will feel like a different woman after some sleep but it's such early days after a major procedure, plus hormones, plus an elder child to worry about. You'd be superhuman to not be phased at all.

There's plenty of evidence to show BF mums actually get more sleep, not less. Just not for the first couple of weeks. It's also not safe to sleep elsewhere - safe sleeping means having her in with you for at least 6m.

However. It's is always a choice. If you don't want to breast feed, no one says you have to. She does deserve the world, but you ARE her world, whether her nutrition is from your body or a bottle. I'm honestly very pro breastfeeding, very, but equally pro choices for women. If you do decide to combo feed or fully formula, make sure you wean it slowly and continue a certain amount of expressing or feeding to avoid mastitis which as you are below par and have an excellent supply would be horrific.

Also remember that adding formula does reduce supply naturally, so if you want to continue but need a break, express, as you produce milk on a supply and demand basis.

That said, don't decide now. Sleep first, get DH to bear the brunt for a couple of days. Even having him just bring her for feeds so you can sleep between will be so restorative and it is far better to make a decision a lot of women regret when you are less upset and in pain.

[ChristmasPlannier]

OP sending you a HH.

I'm horrified you were sent home with a catheter still in. I've had 2 CS and both times could not be discharged until catheter removed and I was going to the toilet without difficulty.

Aptimil sell tiny baby bottles of formula which don't need to be sterilised as baby feeds from the bottle. Would give you some relief now to rest and let DH get on with looking after the baby while you rest up. Once you are feeling better you can decide whether to continue B F.

As for DD1 can you pop on the tv to her favourite programme while you two have a cuddle? Read some books or do a jigsaw together in bed? She'll enjoy the 121 time with you but it's low energy for you.

Put a pillow or cushion over your stomach while you cough, it will help. Did you see a physio before discharge? That's one of the tips they gave me

[DobbyTheHouseElk]

Where is the health visitor or midwife? You need to be looked after, you aren’t well.

I’m horrified they sent you home so soon after major abdominal surgery.

[TiredButDancing]

This sounds horrendous. I can't believe they sent you home. I have never subscribed to the theory that you mustn't introduce a bottle early as it will cause confusion and in fact, the breastfeeding book I had recommended starting with a bottle of formula or expressed milk from about 1 week. Just one a day. Certainly, while I had huge problems BF and therefore HAD to do bottles, both of my DC had no problem swapping between boob and bottle. You can buy ready made up, sterilised bottles which are insanely expensive if that's your main way of feeding, but if it's so that your DH can take the baby for a couple of hours, it's worth it. Send him to Boots or similar to day to get some and get some sleep. In our case, I'd feed DS at around 7pm, then go to bed. DH would manage him etc until about 11pm and then if DS woke after that it was back to me for boob feeding. But those 4-5 hours made a huge difference. A bit later, DH would do the 5am start if necessary but that was after I'd stopped BF completely.

[RosesAndHellebores]

You've a chest infection, on anti-biotics, engorged and were sent home with a catheter. You are also in pain. Phone your GP and request an urgent home visit. GPS commission services. Let them know those services have been crap and let the GP kick community midwives and hv up the backside to ensure you get the care you need moving forward.

[Sunnyfreezesushi]

I would call the maternity unit where you delivered the baby and talk through your problems.
I have had several natural births and one c section. They also tried to discharge me after 24 hours because apparently I could get up - as I knew I couldn’t cope I refused to leave and demanded a private room (which I did pay for). I remember it being very hard getting home even after 2 nights in hospital and some help lifting the baby and my baby did breastfeed no issues. Hang in there but if You can’t cope ask for as much help as you need. Your mental well being and health is the most important for both your children.

[Doomscrolling]

Oh you poor love! I empathise, @Imafailure (no you are NOT a failure). I had a very nasty chest infection at the same time as my section for my second baby and yes, those first days were the absolute worst. I was so desperate, it was dreadful, so I do understand.

First up, this is the worst bit and will pass. Once the antibiotics kick in and you no longer have the coughing (I agree the towel/pillow across your wound and pressing when you cough helps) you will feel slightly more human.

Secondly, DH needs to tell work he won’t be in next week. You’ve had major surgery - emergency section is a much bigger deal than a planned one, and I’ve had both - and you need someone there to look after you as well as your children.

Thirdly, use your meds! Take immodium and bustopan for the stomach upset. Pain meds can be very hard on your gut, so protect it. Also be free and easy with your pain meds - there’s no prize for Minimum Pain Relief and your body can’t heal if you’re crippled with pain. Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you would be to your daughter.

I swear it will be so much easier soon. This is the crisis bit. Make DH do absolutely everything, rest up and stay hydrated.

One extra piece of advice - antibiotics and starting breast feeding is a perfect environment for thrush (I learned the hard way.) Take probiotics and be alert for any shooting pains through your breast when feeding. If it happens, tell your midwife IMMEDIATELY that you think you have thrush. It clears up extremely quickly when treated and there are breastfeeding-safe treatments.

Just get through today. Tomorrow will be slightly better, and the day after that, and the day after that.

[bubblebath62636]

Hi op, I was also sent home 24 hours after a c section. I remember crying walking to the car as there wasn't even a wheelchair to use.

Please look after yourself (easier said than done I know)

Screw the breastfeeding and give baby a bottle and to your husband and get yourself to bed.

DH did all the night feeds whilst he was off work, I don't think I'd of coped otherwise.

[Sunnysideup999]

I can’t believe you were discharged with a catheter in such a state . If things worse please go back to hospital. They will give you fluids and maybe if antibiotics so it doesn’t mess up your digestion.

[TheABC]

@FreiasBathtub

Oh OP I so feel for you. I had a c-section with my second, nowhere near as physically traumatic as yours but it did take me a lot of time to recover. But I did! It will get better.

Echoing pp's advice re the pre-mixed bottles and only prioritising sleep/getting better. This was going to be hard for DD1 whatever you did but little kids are resilient, they bounce back. When you're better you can help her through her feelings about DD2, but you don't need to do that right now. You honestly won't do her any long-term damage, even though it's hard to see her struggling at the moment.

Can you throw money at the problem? I had a postnatal doula for 6hrs a week with DC2 and it is the best money I spent. She came and held/played with the baby while I slept - she folded my laundry, tidied the kitchen, chatted to me if I felt like it. Was amazing. You can look on the website here to see if any are available in your area:

doula.org.uk/find-a-doula/

Good luck and remember - you are the priority now, everything else can wait and get sorted later on.

^
This. I will bet, pennies to pounds, the thought of trying to cope all by yourself on Monday is hindering your chances of recovery now.

I have been where you are with an ECS and a screaming, fussy baby.
Get as much help as possible.
Your job is to:

- Feed baby
- Eat, Drink, Sleep
- Recover.

You are not a failure; in NO other circumstance would we consider it acceptable to send someone home after major abdominal surgery to sleep deprivation and childcare.

[nzeire]

You poor girl! Hormones, milk, horrors, I remember, and you are sick.

Take all day tomorrow, all day. Please let your husband do the weekend, you need to sleep bank.

If you aren’t feeling more on top of things come Monday, please tell your district nurse you are struggling, they need someone ti come check on you.

These days are HARD. Keep chatting to us when you’re awake, know you’re not alone.

[Imafailure]

Thank you all. I can't believe I got over 100 responses and I have read through every single one of them with tears in my eyes. I am very grateful.

I just keep reading your posts that things will get better and I can do it and it is helping me so much, I am slowly starting to believe it and that's half the battle.

DD1 came to have breakfast in bed with me this morning and it was lovely to share a moment. Have since also had a shower, cup of tea and 40 minute nap as DD2 stayed nicely settled with DH downstairs and feel a little better already. Hoping for another couple of naps but trying not to put too much pressure on sleeping in case that starts preventing me from sleeping. At least I am resting and recuperating.

Still waiting for the midwife, and awaiting a call back from GP for a new antibiotic prescription as this one is making me so ill. This was the hospital advice, and glad there is a potential solution.

I will also look into post natal doulas, thank you for the suggestion. I think knowing I have support lined up will help me recover faster as I'll be in a better state of mind.

[Imafailure]

@TheABC "I will bet, pennies to pounds, the thought of trying to cope all by yourself on Monday is hindering your chances of recovery now." Yes, this has really resonated.

[KittyWindbag]

@PyongyangKipperbang I wholeheartedly agree with all of this! Well said.

[diddl]

"awaiting a call back from GP for a new antibiotic prescription"

That's good-hope that it can be changed.

I remember when I had had my 2nd, was still in hospital & on antibiotics that made me feel sick/vomit.

First solution-a daily anti emetic injection!

After just giving birth & having daily (I think) blood tests as it was!

Not remotely comparable to what you are going through Op, but I just thought have some bloody compassion here!

[RandomMess]

You have had a horrific time of it I think DH needs to speak to work and explain that you are very unwell and can't be left alone and he has to have more time off unpaid if necessary.

Unless you are miraculously much better by Monday it's ridiculous to think you can cope long days on your own.

[ohthestruggles]

Sounds very similar to my situation aside from going home with the catheter. It's a bloody nightmare and you are absolutely not a failure. I was so engorged, both DS and I covered in milk, poor latch, pain. Ugh it's bloody miserable. I would combi feed if I were you and try to rest. I would also ask for help as in meals etc from friends and family. One of my friends brought me a steak pie when she came to visit and it's the single best present we got. To hell with the baby clothes and toys, new mums need pies!

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

Send dh out for ready made formula. The kind that comes in little bottles with a ready sterilised screw on teat. www.boots.com/cow-and-gate-1-first-milk-starter-pack-ready-to-feed-6x70ml-10175041?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--LIAs--Baby-_-UK_Smart_Shopping_LIAs_Baby&gclid=CjwKCAjw7rWKBhAtEiwAJ3CWLKF_33Il574YRW76JtX5rXP4cPkc2IkbkbOTYQhkAlhM_Km2gOT9WBoCD3wQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

This stuff. Leave baby to have daddy time with dh and focus on your own recovery.

If you want to keep your supply going and restart breast feeding, you can pump when you are awake and sleep in between. And even if you can't, I guarantee in 20 years your baby will not give a shiny shit if he was bottle or breast fed.