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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

142 replies

ShameCloud · 02/07/2021 10:17

I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

OP posts:

Gladiolys · 02/07/2021 10:28

When I was at school I did 5 a-levels and I won the prize for every single one of them.

And it was SHIT. I was embarrassed on speech day having to go up for them all, I felt bad about comments from fellow pupils about how unfair / pointless it was, and I had to endure comments from parents on the day about not leaving anything for anyone else. The book tokens were nice, but shy, awkward teenage me would happily have forfeited them to be saved the mortifying overall experience.

So I agree. It’s demotivating for the pupils who are clever and capable and hard working but don’t win, and it’s not necessarily fun for the winners either. Who wants kids leaving school with their last experience of it being a sour one?!

Speech day / prize giving should be ditched in favour of a nice celebration memorialising the year instead, or there should be enough prizes that every child who tried hard or did well or was a good community member is recognised.

TotorosCatBus · 02/07/2021 10:28

My son is academically very average and knows it so he isn't demoralised going to an awards assembly where he's not going to win anything. He'd be annoyed at the time taken sitting through one though.
I think it would be disappointing if you thought you had a chance of winning but didn't each time because you'd be getting your hopes up multiple times.

TotorosCatBus · 02/07/2021 10:30

My other child has won before but found it very embarrassing going up in front of everyone too. She would rather stay seated

Original poster

ShameCloud · 02/07/2021 10:30

When I was at school I did 5 a-levels and I won the prize for every single one of them.

Oh that’s awful, I never thought about that! I just assumed the usual winners felt very chuffed with themselves!

If the winners aren’t even having fun, why are we still doing this!

OP posts:

UserAtLarge · 02/07/2021 10:31

Depends how the school organises them.
DC's school give prizes based on progress.
Makes much more sense than giving the child who's naturally good at maths but does minimal work, the maths prize every year.

Original poster

ShameCloud · 02/07/2021 10:32

And all else aside, it’s soooooo tedious. Announcement, walk up, handshake, clap…. Over and over. Plus boring teacher speeches.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 02/07/2021 10:34

I think most kids just find it really boring!

Hankunamatata · 02/07/2021 10:34

Prize giving was great this year in secondary. They just pulled the kids out of class who won prizes, took photos and sent them back to class. Ds said it was great as wasn't too much fuss.

My primary doesn't have prize giving. We have star of the week - which every kid gets eventually and it can be for anything such as being a good friend, showing thoughtfulness. Theres AR awards at the end of the year and these include most words, kids who have increased their reading level. Then for those not on AR there is awards for reading scheme we use such as most effort put in, positive attitude

TheWitchCirce · 02/07/2021 10:35

At my sons's school, it's held after school hours and only those receiving prizes, and their parents, are invited. Perfect.

TeenMinusTests · 02/07/2021 10:36

I think I mainly agree. My DB won the 'essay prize' at school in his A level year. He had entered 'for fun' as was doing science based A levels. He won various science prizes too. It must have been highly irritating for the people doing English, History etc.

However just 1 prize per subject for attainment and one for effort isn't as bad as having say 30% getting prizes, and it never, ever being your DC.

FreeBritnee · 02/07/2021 10:36

The same for me. I always fell between the gaps when it came to this stuff. Not struggling enough to be celebrated for my efforts not bright enough to get the academic accolades. Thankfully my children’s school did away with the prize giving assemblies as the same kids won year in, year out.

3cats4poniesandababy · 02/07/2021 10:36

What also used to annoying me (a top of middle level cbild) they did away days for the gifted and talented group, away days for those who were less academic, away days for those who English wasn't a first language. Essentially so many groups had various away days that around 90% of people got to do one. I never fell into any if the groups so year after year I had to see all the groups go while we were still sat in class.

TeenMinusTests · 02/07/2021 10:39

@3cats4poniesandababy

Though what you presumably recognise now as an adult, is that probably nearly 100% of lessons were pitched at your level.

You probably didn't appreciate at the time how hard it is to be a child who has to throw everything at every lesson just to keep up with it.

Ozgirl75 · 02/07/2021 10:42

Yes, I do. I have two children. One is very academically able and the other is an all rounder who does fine but isn’t top of the class. My academic one has won the distinction prize every year and I’m pleased for him but to be honest his academic ability is just one of those things he has like blue eyes. He does work hard but so do loads of kids.
We also have an Effort prize and my other son has won this three times and secretly I’m more pleased about that than the pure academic one because to me that’s based on him working hard rather than god given talent.
However, I always play down prizes, say how nice it is but that ultimately you should work hard and do well for your own sake, not for a prize.
I’d be happy if they did away with them entirely.

Forrrestttheout · 02/07/2021 11:03

I was the same @3cats4poniesandababy I was clever and got straight As but was never in the gifted and talented group which was chosen based on standardized test scores in the first 2 weeks of year 7 and never changed. All my friends where in this group even though I actually did better in class than a lot of them. There was endless days out, extra careers days, trips to special events kind of things and as we where taught in sets it would leave the 5 out of 20 of us in the top set who weren't considered gifted and talented sat in class all day by ourselves.
We also had prize giving and I agree its painful on both ends, I won a few times and as a shy child hated the fuss of having to stand in front of the whole year but then it was also frustrating the years one child won everything

WalkingOnTheCracks · 02/07/2021 11:06

I won prizes every year. The whole ceremony was a terribly smug, drawn-out bore for me, and must have been twice as tedious and irritating for anyone who wasn't getting a prize. I can't say that winning has any effect at all on my life, so I can't see the point of it.

Oh, wait. The prizes were given out by Margaret Thatcher one year, so I could have bludgeoned her to death with a brand-new copy of Roget's Thesaurus.

School life is full of missed opportunities.

AppleKatie · 02/07/2021 11:11

I think a good school should collate the list of prizes and ensure that a good spread of kids are rewarded (ie, it shouldn’t be possible for someone to win 5 A level prizes etc…).
That should go together with robust real prizes for other things (music, sport, art, performance, community etc…) which are also valued equally.
This would mean that over the course of a school career everyone deserving of a prize wins one or two.

I would agree that keeping the speeches short is also vital though.

newnortherner111 · 02/07/2021 11:15

Mine was bad because there were nearly as many prizes as there are in the Grammy Awards. Only about 10% of the sixth form students did not win a prize. The value of them was so little it could not even buy a hardback book at the time.

A few awards, that include some for sporting excellence, preferably with everything measurable, would be OK with me. Those that are just awarded to the class swot, or the good looking able ones, or are perceived as such, is not good.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 02/07/2021 11:16

@TheWitchCirce

At my sons's school, it's held after school hours and only those receiving prizes, and their parents, are invited. Perfect.

It was the same at my school and ds' school. Only those receiving prizes were invited.

BraveBraveMouse · 02/07/2021 11:17

Yanbu. In other countries like US and Canada I think they have an honour role system, where achievement to an established high standard gets students listed on the honour role. It gives students something to aim for.

I was also that student at school who was always 2nd and never recognised. The student who always got the prizes at our school was mid September born...if she had been born a few days earlier she wouldn't have even been in our year! I was summer born, I think it still makes a difference even as teenagers.

Can you tell I am still salty about this many years later?

Nextchapterofmybook · 02/07/2021 11:20

Nope, it’s part of life. It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Most of us are wonderfully average, me included, but that doesn’t mean those who have excelled shouldn’t be recognised.

RaraRachael · 02/07/2021 11:20

Our local school prize giving is an evening affair attended only by prizewinners and their families, so there isn't any awkwardness for pupils who haven't won anything.

My kids and I (back in the day) all won prizes and we enjoyed being special for 5 minutes.

Pikachusbutt · 02/07/2021 11:24

My DS once one the prize for book day. Because he went into school in his own clothes with a pokeball and a pokemon book and said he was a pokemon trainer.

To this day I'm still convinced his teacher gave it to him because he was the only kid in class who wasn't wearing a costume from the supermarket. It felt very much like a token prize.

hamstersarse · 02/07/2021 11:25

@Nextchapterofmybook

Nope, it’s part of life. It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Most of us are wonderfully average, me included, but that doesn’t mean those who have excelled shouldn’t be recognised.

Agree

It's actually a slippery slope for mental health to remove prize giving and celebration of success, even when you never bloody win.

You can only build resilience through tough experiences and never winning a prize is a relatively harmless way to build some resilience.

elliejjtiny · 02/07/2021 11:27

I think these things need to be done properly so that effort, progress and acts of kindness are recognized as well as academic achievement. 3 of my dc are academic and 2 aren't. One of my dc got a certificate for not making a fuss and cheerfully accepting an apology when someone accidentally stood on his foot once when he was 5 or 6.

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