To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

[ShameCloud]

I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

It can be rubbish for kids who try hard. My ds is 11 and works hard academically but is more middle of the class type. His younger sister does not work hard and generally ends up winning school prizes - naturally bright and a good memory, just does well in every lesson.

I tell ds his prize is that by working hard he gets good marks that otherwise he wouldn’t get. I do think it’s important he learns to feel pride in his own hard work rather than a certificate, and I always celebrate him when he achieves well. I think in the future he will be more resilient as he’s used to working hard and being self motivated. DD is a bit more like me and I think would struggle more to pick herself up if something was difficult.

@doyouneedtowean

YABU. Why shouldn’t the kids who are the best in the category get a prize just because others might feel sad?

Only where it comes to academic excellence.

Be good at sports, music, singing, art - all valued.
Be good at academia - always looked down upon - excuse upon excuse of how it is no value.

I voted YANBU as the style OP describes is not helpful.

It can be done well. My school did an evening event which was a nice occasion for those awarded but not in the face of everyone else. I finally got my turn in y13 for much better than expected A-level results. I'd always been a B+ type student.

It's not hard to keep a spreadsheet and check that the same tiny number aren't winning just about everything and there is middle ground for rewarding generally good eggs without resorting to rewarding everyone that breathed that year or anyone who didn't thump the teacher.

I do have an issue with reward trips that parents have to pay towards or leave a small number in school on a distorted day.

Hmm I don't know. I find even in a work environment people like recognition. I guess there should be equal prizes for effort and attainment but at the end of the day in life you have to exceed to win so it's good preparation

@Nextchapterofmybook

Nope, it’s part of life. It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Most of us are wonderfully average, me included, but that doesn’t mean those who have excelled shouldn’t be recognised.

How do you ensure fairness though? What about the child who’s parents can afford a tutor to ensure they pass entrance exams to private schools, can afford the tutoring to continue throughout secondary for GCSE and A level exams, can afford a comfortable home where they have peace and quiet for homework / revision? A child who has an equal IQ but none of the financial advantage of wealthier children just can’t compete.

@UserAtLarge

Depends how the school organises them. DC's school give prizes based on progress. Makes much more sense than giving the child who's naturally good at maths but does minimal work, the maths prize every year.

I always HATED this. It felt so unfair on the people who always worked hard that people who did nothing all year and pissed about before spending 6 weeks actually trying got rewarded - it was basically an incentive to be bad at the start.

I'm very similar to you OP - I was always top set, always got good grades, always did my homework, always participated in extra-curriculars, had 100% attendance, never got a detention... I never, ever got a prize - and it sucked, and it still feels unfair and it still hurts. It felt like I was constantly overlooked and I have no idea what the winners were doing that I wasn't doing.
Having said that, I completely disagree with you. Scrapping the awards wouldn't have made me feel more recognised, it would've just made all the winners feel less recognised. Children need to learn at some point that some people are better than other people at certain things - is it fair that those who are good at sports win on sports day? Is it fair that those who are good at acting/singing/dancing get the lead roles in the school musical? Children also need to learn at some point that even if they're just as good or better than someone else, they might not always get that noticed or rewarded - life isn't fair and trying too hard to construct artificial fairness will just make it a harder lesson to learn later on.

We had something called gifted and talented at school and my twin brother was one of the kids selected. I used to think it was embarrassing for him. Anyway the term gifted and talented really irritated me for some reason. Like the rest of us were all useless with no talents or gifts to speak of

@Caroline88h

We had something called gifted and talented at school and my twin brother was one of the kids selected. I used to think it was embarrassing for him. Anyway the term gifted and talented really irritated me for some reason. Like the rest of us were all useless with no talents or gifts to speak of

Gifted and Talented (or Gin and Tonic as my DM called it) was run by MENSA through schools - there was a test that no one was supposed to be told was a test at the start of Y7 and the top 5% were accepted into Gifted and Talented. I remember being accepted into it and then I don't remember ever doing anything at all or anything actually happening.

At DS’s school, one prize was given per subject. It nearly always went to a boy in the top year and the award was given on leavers day and the “ceremony” was by invite only.

The boys getting awards were invited.
All the staff and dignitaries were invited.
The parents of the boys getting the awards were invited.

It took about 2 hours. The head of department, or key teacher spoke about each individual boy getting the award and why it had been given to them.

It was a fairly intimate, discreet and charming ceremony to honour academic and arts achievement. There were separate, equally discreet awards for sport.

I was one of the brighter kids and my kids were the brighter kids too so most years they got something.
I 100% agree with you OP.
The academic children get prizes in the form of great exam results. The sporty kids in the form of races won or trophies. Prizes on top of these are unnecessary.
House colours or their equivalent.... awarded solely for contribution not achievement ..... I could get behind that.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

I won prizes every year. The whole ceremony was a terribly smug, drawn-out bore for me, and must have been twice as tedious and irritating for anyone who wasn't getting a prize. I can't say that winning has any effect at all on my life, so I can't see the point of it.

Oh, wait. The prizes were given out by Margaret Thatcher one year, so I could have bludgeoned her to death with a brand-new copy of Roget's Thesaurus.

School life is full of missed opportunities.

Sorry to derail the thread but I genuinely roared laughing at your last sentence

I simply don’t believe that school prizes incentivise kids to work harder.

The subjects for which I got prizes were those I liked and was good at, and the thought of a prize had nothing to do with it.

There was no chance of winning a prize for subjects in which I was mediocre to average, so the idea was irrelevant.

I suppose that the prospect of a prize was supposed to incentivise me in the subjects where I usually came in the top four or five, but what teenager with any self-respect ups their game for an entire year in order to secure a free copy of Illustrated Myths and Legends of Ancient Greece?

And this idea that kids need to be ‘taught that there are winners and losers’ is bollocks. Kids know that. It’d be great if they really did need to be taught it, because then we could think about whether we want to teach them that, or perhaps something else that might lead within a few generations to a less unequal society.

But I think not. They understand the principle without any help from school.

For every situation in life where someone is 1st, there is going to be a 2nd, 3rd etc. Its a hard lesson that kids have to learn so they need to suck it up without a lot of mushy over parenting.

In my school it was all about who the teachers liked - no prizes for me so! Still, I graduated from Oxford with a 2:1 so not so shameful, still a little gutted that they made all my mates prefects at school and not me - I do think kids get labelled at school and you can’t get away from that no matter what you do. It might be hard for some teachers to appreciate that the child you found a pain in the proverbial at 13 is actually super bright and eager to learn at 15.
I think prize giving is a good thing, as it really can encourage some students, but only if it is a level playing field, everyone has a chance at something, and the teachers don’t just have the same old favourites.

At my dc school if the usuals don't win their 'usual' prizes everyone raises and eyebrow and instead of congratulating the winner spends time pondering why so and so lost out this year

At my sons school they have an awards evening so only pupils receiving them go. I had a phone call from the school one day to say that DS was going to receive an award, but they wouldn't say what for so it was a surprise. We all thought (including DS) that they'd made a mistake ,

At my dd’s former school prizes were awarded as follows:
Grade per subject maximum of 7- you receive and award if you achieve x points in total and a different award if you achieve x points for consecutive terms ie the number of students who can achieve an award is not capped.
Additionally awards for progress, art, drama, sport, music and community service.

@ShameCloud

I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

Yeah this bothered me, too, but it's a learning to lose thing. I ended up creating lots of opportunities for myself later in life to win instead, which I did (won't say what as it's too outing). If you put the right spin on it & learn from it, it can drive you on pretty well to make your own path where you don't have to rely on anyone else to decide whether you should get a medal or not.

I agree, I regularly won prizes and would feel sick at the thought of going up infront of everyone to be recognised officially as a massive shot, I hated it.

Prizegiving is dull as, even when your child wins prizes. Fortunately ours were never that bothered & were soon happy to skip it.

Like a pp, my DC's prizegiving (secondary school) is outside normal school hours and only the prizewinners and their parents are invited.

At primary school, everyone in year 6 got a prize for something (and parents weren't invited below year 6).

So my experience has been positive! Although I think my DC found it boring when they were in reception to year 5 and had to sit through it.

When being bullied for most of my secondary school I can safely say, this was one of least bits I cared about.

It may be demoralising to some but to me it was a tiny thing in a shitty school system.

If the winners aren’t even having fun, why are we still doing this!

There’s argument for not letting one person win everything (this is something my school guards against) but I do think it’s important that hard work is recognised, celebrated and rewarded.