To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

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I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

Should we ban sports days and concerts too them?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Agree it’s always the same Either the class alpha Or the class struggling kid being rewarded for not misbehaving

This a million times over.

In DC school there is one prize at the end of the year given to one child from each class. It’s always top of the classers or a child chosen to help encourage them with their behaviour.

Why on earth there isn’t 2 or 3 prizes given out baffles me. Give some middle of the road kids a chance for goodness sake.

At primary school I won all the prizes bar one for best project completed that year. They were the only academic prizes I won ever and I can still remember the pleasure of winning a plastic red rose brooch at age 9 and a 25p book token at age 10 which I spent on a book of Spike Milligan poems.

Healthy competition within reason is fine.

Not unreasonable. My DD is bright, popular, scores well in tests etc. but never wins a prize. All the things that would get someone selected for a prize (I’ve asked!) she does. I can only conclude that the perception is that she’s doesn’t need the encouragement. It makes me livid each summer we have to go to these events. I’ve decided that this will be the last time I go. DH happy to attend, and although DD would be delighted to get a prize, she doesn’t dwell on it. I don’t get over it for weeks, and so far it has ruined the start of the summer holidays as usual. I don’t see why on earth the same children should be awarded the same prizes year in year out. It it utterly nonsensical. Rewarding excellence is fine by me, but when else in life would anyone be judged 7 years running on the same criteria for the same prizes in the same group of people? While some kids repeatedly get nothing. It discourages the majority and provides false validation to the group who are selected again and again. The whole thing is complete BS.

To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

I think it's demoralising for some kids - not all. I don't think most kids are that bothered. The same children seem to always be first on sports day too but no one makes a fuss then. Why is it so different for class work?

Urgh they should be banned. In college I was told I was getting student of the year. Come prize giving my name wasn’t called because my English teacher and I had had a falling out and that’s when I realised that a lot (though not all) are popularity contests.

The worst one I ever witnessed was my sons. All the awards went to one student and they invented awards and prizes not only for this kids parents but also his grandparents too. Insanity! Everyone was gobsmacked.

At the school mine has just left, you only get invited to the prize giving if you have won a prize. So the vast majority don’t get the email or give it a second thought. Also, in a subject with a large cohort (eg Maths or English) they might give several prizes, but only one prize is given for a smaller subject where there might be only five in the class! My DS only got a prize for the first time this year (Year 13). It’s a very selective school where practically everyone gets 8/9 across the board at GCSE. In a way, that level of competition is healthy because they learn very quickly that it’s absolutely ok to be very average in terms of that cohort. If you get a prize then that a bonus, but no more. Many will come out with all 9s at GCSE and A* at A-level and never had had a whiff of any prize, but it’s good training for uni because you are used to competition and are under no delusions about being special / ‘top’ etc.

@ChocolateCakeYum

Urgh they should be banned. In college I was told I was getting student of the year. Come prize giving my name wasn’t called because my English teacher and I had had a falling out and that’s when I realised that a lot (though not all) are popularity contests.

The worst one I ever witnessed was my sons. All the awards went to one student and they invented awards and prizes not only for this kids parents but also his grandparents too. Insanity! Everyone was gobsmacked.

My sons nursery prize giving. Not his prize giving. Poor chap didn’t get a single prize that day (though to be fair neither did anyone else apart from one boy).

And it continues in the world of work too.
I'm fed up of people being nominated for awards in work when I know they only succeeded because of the work I someone else did.
It has the opposite of the intended effect, at least as far as I'm concerned. I find it demoralising.

Some kids will win academic awards, some kids will win sports day awards, some kids will win work experience awards; and they usually aren’t the same kids.

If you’re the best you will win. I don’t agree that kids who plod along getting average grades but never giving their best or working their hardest should get anything. And I don’t agree with this notion that kids on a G&T programme are somehow getting top marks without working hard. They do work hard. Many kids on G&T programmes have SEN that means while they are really intelligent it takes a lot of effort for them to achieve in a structured learning environment.

Some kids will win academic awards, some kids will win sports day awards, some kids will win work experience awards; and they usually aren’t the same kids

I disagree. Bloody Lydia in DD2's year was Mary in every nativity bar one - when she was ill.

Same DD - girl in her year got an award for attending every orchestra practice and concert. DD also attended every practice and concert. No award.
DD is quiet
Other girl is vivacious.

It varies. In my DD's primary class, the sporty kids were completely different from the academic kids, so sports day was a nice opportunity for them to shine and the bright kids had prize giving (although there were still some kids who didn't do well in either).

But in DS1 and DS2's classes, there was a small group of kids who genuinely were the best at both schoolwork AND sport.

I have mixed feelings about this. I was an academic child.

I'm not arty and I'm really really not musical. I am enthusiastic rather than talented at sport - the 3rd XI was my home turf.

So I never got rewarded for any of those things. My first school was really big on music and art. Huge concerts - lots of fanfare over the soloists. Big exhibitions with work by pupils from throughout the school on show.

Unsurprisingly I got very little recognition. No one ever commented on my very solid academic performance.

Changed schools (we moved). Still music/ art culture but an academic prize giving. It felt really great to finally get some recognition.

I think they tried to spread the stuff around but there were still a few familiar names appearing repeatedly.

My last school had a massive sports culture. I was there because it was also very academic. The only time of year I ever got to shine was academic prize giving. In fact at the end of my first year in the school I think it was the first time some people in my year realised I even existed (I was very quiet in those days)...

I didn't really think about it until we cleared our family home. We found the old programmes. My siblings ripped the piss out of how many things I won (I think they got a prize each over their whole school careers). They love me and thought it was laughable so maybe others did too...

Couldn’t agree more about vivacious v quiet kids. Prizewinners achieve no more or do any more than DD but they shove it in peoples faces whereas DD is quiet and pretty self effacing and as a result at this school will I’m sure never win a prize.

I was like you OP but it didn't bother me. Dunno why. Probably glad not to have to go up on stage.
I'm sure it chauved other kids though.