To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

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I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

I think it’s gone too far the other way now. At my kids school you get a prize for everything. Sports Day has a team that wins on points, a team that wins for best effort, best sportsmanship and best ‘parent cheering’ (back when parents could attend). So it loses all meaning, and the kids can’t even remember if they ‘won’ because basically everyone wins.

They do a ‘Star of the Day’ but even the 6 year olds have realised that basically every kid gets a turn, and the teachers find a way of making even the naughtiest children deserve it that day by overly praising them for just not being disruptive for half an hour. It’s lost all motivational meaning because the kids know they don’t need to try, it’s just a case of how long they have to wait for it to be their turn.

@Nextchapterofmybook

Nope, it’s part of life. It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Most of us are wonderfully average, me included, but that doesn’t mean those who have excelled shouldn’t be recognised.

It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc. Why?

I used to work for a private school and oh my god the prize giving was horrible! Always the same kids, year after year, often winning four or five prizes each. All it made me think was that a) I would never send my children to such a biased and thoughtless place, and b) there can't have been that many clever, well-taught students if all the prizes went to a select few.

I disagree - I think it’s a really good thing to have. My kids are at a school which is pretty obsessed with sport, and children who are good at sport have their achievements trumpeted all the time.
My children are not interested in any of the main sports and not in the teams etc, but they are both very clever.
It is nice to have one day a year where being good at the main purpose of being at school is recognised, rather than being good at hockey, football, etc.
They didn’t have prizes at my school. If they had I would definitely have won some and it would have made me very happy.

I think it's part of life.

My dd did a school competition and there were 4 kids in it. There was no chance of any of these kids winning it apart from one of them, who is just loads better than the other 3. Nevertheless my dd just did it, knowing that there was about a 0.1% chance of her winning. It's just something to be sucked up IMO as life is completely and utterly unfair and most things are utterly corrupt.

My DDs recently moved schools. They were at their last school for five terms, including both lockdowns (where they didn't attend). In that time, elder DD never received any awards for anything. In a similar time frame, Younger DD won the biweekly prize twice, the half term prize for school values, and the termly prize for effort.
In the less than a term she's been at her current school, she's brought home three mini awards... that the teacher gives out when she notices something special. She's had it for kindness, for team work and for increased confidence. Her self confidence has definitely improved... and I think its the teacher noticing the small things.

Obviously that wouldn't work in sixth form... but it should be recognised that the middle kids are often trying their hardest, getting on with things and genuinely being nice people.

At my (large) school, as I recall they gave out about 4 prizes per subject plus some effort prizes, and also prizes for things like sports and drama. Although there were some students who won prizes in most subjects, the fact that there were 4 per subject meant that a reasonable number got some sort of prize with some variation year on year. I think people just went up once even if they got a prize in more than one subject.

As I recall, the prize ceremony was a relatively small part and there was also lots of music and I don't remember too many people complaining.

I think it is fine to award achievement, but right to focus not just one one particular type of achievement.

At my DDs' school, prize day is just attended by the prize winners and the choir/orchestra (plus their parents). They are very happy with that as they get a half day!

It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Why?

I question this too. Why?

I’m speaking from the position of the child who won all the prizes. They didn’t make much difference to me, I was absolutely driven at that age, I would have given my all without them. Yet it must have been demoralising for those who worked hard and didn’t get anything.

The academic prizes make more sense than attendance. Congratulations for either having a good immune system or attending school and passing on illnesses to your friends...

YABU. Why shouldn’t the kids who are the best in the category get a prize just because others might feel sad?

Parent of the gifted child here. Working 2-3 years above her peers across multiple subjects. She has not once, in two years, won a prize (they do them weekly).
She says 'they give it to the kids who try. It's not my fault I don't have to try'
Personally if you are going to do weekly prizes then they should be shared around OR there should be an annual prize for attainment for the top of the class if they aren't going to get the weekly awards for progress.
It sends wholly the wrong message.

My Gran was a primary school teacher for 40 years. She noticed one year a boy who had always been a star pupil suddenly started misbehaving. She couldn’t understand it at all so probed him until he finally told her he was being naughty because he didn’t get rewarded for being good but noticed the naughty children seemed to get special treats. They tried to incentivise the worst behaved with treats if they slightly improved their behaviour and this kid cottoned onto it.

It was the same in my secondary school tbh. The naughty kids were incentivised with special trips with the school mentors. I don’t think I received one reward, aside from my decent exam results I suppose!

Why shouldn’t the kids who are the best in the category get a prize just because others might feel sad?

But why do they need a prize, what’s the value of that?

I hate the ‘everyone gets a prize for competing ‘ more. Totally pointless

I never ever won anything at school. Left me feeling invisible and that there wasn’t any point in trying

To some kids its a real incentive. DS would have loved to excel at sport but didn't. He did play on the school teams though. He did however score 100% in his physics GCSE so thought he would get the physics prize, and got a string of A*s
He got nothing. Not even one of the very many tutor group prizes. He felt humiliated. I imagine most DC really don't care at 16 but to thosr who do it's brutal.

At my sons's school, it's held after school hours and only those receiving prizes, and their parents, are invited. Perfect.

That’s ideal.

I also hate the ones for younger kids that rotate tbh. Especially as they seem more frequently used as a ‘Not being as much of a dick as usual’ incentive prize for the worse behaved kids.

I was in the top sets at school but never top student. Getting As and good feedback (especially from my favourite teacher) was enough for me.

I remember my child's year 6 leaver assembly for all the wrong reasons.
The "bright" kids got lots of awards and the SEN kids did not

My 3 grown children have gone to a total of 11 schools and colleges. By FAR, the best of those schools were the 3 which gave no prizes, had no 'head boy/girl', no prefects, and no competitions... coincidentally these schools also had no uniforms.

The academic prizes make more sense than attendance. Congratulations for either having a good immune system or attending school and passing on illnesses to your friends...

Oh don’t get me started on attendance awards. Or as my very upset friend called them a couple of years ago, the ‘not having childhood cancer award’ as her little boy missed so much school and so didn’t get the stupid sodding certificate. And yes, the culture of coming to school ill does no one any favours and has probably even caused deaths during Covid.

My best friend once got her first ever and only prize - and was awarded it jointly with the girl who won about 6 other prizes! Even back then I remember thinking could they not just have let my friend have this one?

When my middle son was about to leave school they had a prize giving evening which he said no to attending, they school rang me up and asked if he could go as he had won a prize.

There must have been about 100 prizes minimum and one pupil, - i will call Jane- must have won about 30 of them. Each teacher had about 5 awards each and she seemed to win the ones where she spent a lot of time socialising with the teachers, so it was "most positive person", or "person with the most mature attitude" and admittedly a few for most hard working.

It got the point where people stopped clapping every time she went up for an award, it was ridiculous, i am sure that were 29 other pupils who had done just as well or even better than her but just didnt spend their lunch hour hanging out with the teachers in their classroom drinking tea.

Son won one award and was highly embarrassed and wished he hadnt attended.

Used to work in a psych hospital with teens and children. We would regularly run groups where the rest of the group was encouraged to say what they appreciated or liked about each of the other children and that was recorded in some way. Something like that would be more meaningful I think.

I quite liked them (but will admit I did usually get a prize). The prizes were shit though - I think once a got a book, often it was just a certificate.

After listening to people being praised every week in school assemblies for winning sports matches, passing music exams, playing music in assemblies, the best art being on display on the walls, sports days, the "arts" competition we had performing in our houses, TBH it felt quite justified to get some recognition for being good at academic stuff. Not like it got me any social cred like all the other stuff, but it was nice that teachers and my parents cared!

The ceremony was incredibly tedious though!