To think prizegiving is demoralising for most kids

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I was fairly bright and hardworking at school. Never in trouble, polite and well behaved, did my homework, really tried hard and got good grades. But I wasn’t top of the class. Every prizegiving I had to sit through an hour or more of watching other kids go up to receive prizes and never me. Most of the prizes were for the ‘top’ student in each class so ‘near the top’ students didn’t count. There was an effort prize for each year group but always went to a kid who found things challenging but worked hard. I know they can’t give everyone a prize but honestly it was a yearly minor disappointment and then tedious end to term. Now I have kids who are much like me - bright and hardworking but not top of the class - so they too have year after year of sitting through prizegivings watching mostly the same top kids go up and be recognised.

I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about how I’m a snowflake who wants participation prizes but honestly it was just a rubbish experience as a kid. And as a parent it makes the ‘It’s the trying hard that counts’ narrative harder to sell.

My dd constantly won prizes..academic, representing the school on all occasions etc..you name it she won it. I was nearly embarrassed but proud. Her two brothers thought it was hilarious and felt they would be mortified if they were up there among ..in their words..the swots!
All working now. Both boys have much higher paid jobs with prospects of promotion and perks. DD is very happy in her line of work but she will never be rich so winning prizes is no indication of anything going forward.
But, as she didn't win matches/ races etc it was her day of glory and l have no problem with it. Glad l haven't to sit through those speeches anymore though!!

@Nextchapterofmybook

Nope, it’s part of life. It’s important to recognise excellence, be it academic, musical, sporting, living the schools ethos etc.

Most of us are wonderfully average, me included, but that doesn’t mean those who have excelled shouldn’t be recognised.

Excellent students get a lot of recognition anyway: they get fantastic grades, teachers often choose them for special things, pretty much everyone knows they are doing well - them included, they get scholarships etc. None of them have self-esteem issues when it comes to achievement. Is it really them who need more recognition?

I was an excellent student. I have one child who is well above average and one who can be excellent, mediocre or fail, depending on the day due to MH issues. My children need recognition much more than I have ever needed it. And they should get it, because I did not have to work particularly hard to get top grades (sorry, I don't want to boast. I just at some point understood what teachers were looking for).

I think effort should be rewarded and there should be awards for many different things, if a school chooses to have awards.

You can only build resilience through tough experiences and never winning a prize is a relatively harmless way to build some resilience

On that basis schools ought to come up with more experiences that will be a bit miserable for a large chunk of the pupils, to help them build resilience.

When I was at school, prize giving happened one evening and only kids who were winning something and their parents were invited.

The prizes weren't solely academic, there were extra things so there were governing board prizes which went to kids in that worked hard but aren't top sort of bucket, and a couple for contributing to school life who went to quite random kids each year but were always well earned.

Our children’s Prizegiving /Speech day was the highlight of the year. Huge event with a massive marquee, performances, prizes, speeches, music, etc. Full runway, event projected onto screens around the tent. Great fun and loved by most of the students.
Followed by house picnics and various matches and displays. Nobody really worried whether they had prizes or not. Very much a culture of ‘not everyone can win’.

Mini pie

They try to do this more and more. Schools have things like "failure week" where you are made to do things you aren't good at etc.

Excellent students get a lot of recognition anyway: they get fantastic grades, teachers often choose them for special things, pretty much everyone knows they are doing well

This isnt always true. Yes you get the grades but that often means little to a teenager. Teachers often have little time for high achievers, the special things always go to struggling kids for "effort". More often than not your peers are bullying you for your academic success.

If we can't celebrate effort and achievement things can become very joyless.

@TheWitchCirce

At my sons's school, it's held after school hours and only those receiving prizes, and their parents, are invited. Perfect.

I like this idea

Could you provide some evidence for that claim please?

MH problems are not caused by a lack of resilience. They are caused by chemical imbalaces in the brain, trauma, a large number adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), genetic predisposition, substance abuse and other things. I have never seen the lack of award ceremonies mentioned.

I was a swot at school although I worked hard to get my top class grades. When I whinged that an older bigger boy picked on me my father took me into the back yard every night for a week and taught me to box. I was black and blue but I learned how to punch. Next time he bullied me I broke his nose. I was never bullied after that.

Of course the school did nothing because it was shameful for a boy to get beaten up by a girl.

scrap them altogether. It cause more grief and headache than actual joy for the winners.
Those good at academics, will get good grades. Those good at sports or arts will win competitions. That maters. In real life nobody cares if you won an "effort" award in 5th grade.

I wasn't especially arsed about winning prizes at school for achieving grades - I didn't win because I put in the minimal effort required for an acceptable result (typically B+ student, could have been A* but couldn't be bothered)... and that's fair enough.

But our school was heavy on rewarding those who either were naturally brilliant but put in no effort...

Or those who were average but put in a ton of effort, excessively so, that did not actually add to their academic achievement... and I never understood this.

For example, an A+ for effort when someone has written 1000 more words than requested, but hasn't actually made any more relevant points or discussions in an essay than the person who wrote exactly the right word count AND hit all the relevant points... (this particular person was in for a MASSIVE shock when she got to college and discovered writing excessive amounts over the requested word count would LOSE her marks rather than gain them!)

This was an actual example held up to me when I was told off for 'coasting' and 'putting in the bare minimum effort'.. and I do not understand to this day where the value lies in doing MORE work than is necessary to achieve the same result, surely thats just time wasting.

If I put in 8 hours more than the 10 hours a client pays me to do, for a result I could have done in 10 hours, they will NOT be overjoyed at being billed for those extra 8 hours will they!

Theres was also the usual shitty stuff, attendance awards were a thing even then - hurrah, little Sarah has not been off all year, have a certificate.

No certificate for WiddlinDiddlin who has had flu and been off 3 weeks and then been dragged across the country and sent to another school for 6 weeks by her useless father who then gave up on parenting and sent her back to her mothers..... I really should have just pulled my socks up and tried harder eh!

I see well-structured prizegiving as a good thing on the whole but agree it can also be very badly done. (I recall a horror year at one school when they had changed to calculated effort grades and didn't have the sense to see that you do NOT give the achievement and effort awards to the same children!)

I was one who always got academic prizes at school. In my last year I did get an embarassing number of awards, and felt very guilty that the girl who was consistently second to me in maths and sciences (and subsequently became a physics professor) couldn't have been given at least something, as in any other year she would have also been a stand-out. The reaction of other students suggests they all felt my awards were deserved though. But you know the one I am still actually proud of? The one for greatest overall contribution. It was almost always won by a girl who was known for excellence in sports, and also did other things. Sporty I was decidedly not, but I guess I did do just about everything else while I was there. I stlil have most of my school prizes - they were actually quite thoughtful about the books they selected. I agree with those who have said that academic children DO need to be acknowledged. So often you feel like you are good at all the wrong things.

I'm attending leavers' prizegiving on my daughter's behalf tomorrow as she had to choose between it and a sporting event. She's getting well earned music awards as far as I know.

My son's prep school had a lot of trophies which meant they could have a number of awards without it costing them loads every year. What I really appreciated was that there were as many for music as for sports, and several for subjects, so there were a number of boys who could compete for them meaningfully.

At my school you were only invited to prize giving if you had won.

Prize giving was only about things achieved in school so you could get academic prizes but also prizes for running the school library at lunch and after school, basically every 'librarian' got that and the domestic science group who did an Xmas party for the local OAPs.

Things out of school could be 'presented' at assembly so your Karate grades or cycling proficiency.

I think one of the best systems was at an FE college where they sent, 'postcards home' one student a month from each department got a postcard from the college with a personal message and it could be for anything and everything, hard work, dealing with a difficult situation, helping another. It was discussed at staff meetings and mean it was up tot he student if they shared it.

On that basis schools ought to come up with more experiences that will be a bit miserable for a large chunk of the pupils, to help them build resilience.

You’ve just described the school experience for a huge number of people 😂

My primary school used to give out a number of special 'good behaviour awards' in the last assembly every year. I never got one, and I didn't understand why, because I was always perfectly behaved. Mostly because I was terrified of doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble. Now I can surmise that the awards went to children whose behaviour had improved, or who needed encouragement with it, but I still remember the disappointment every year and wondering what I'd done wrong.

I think secondary school awards for the highest attainment are fine as long as it's just the students getting the awards who are invited to the ceremony. I didn't get any until year 11, when I got three for different subjects. I suspect the criteria were changed - I'd have been top in certain subjects before, but had low attendance, rarely did homework, etc, so I can see why teachers wouldn't want to choose me. The school also gave out awards for sports and music, which I think made it fairer.

How about a School deciding to end the tradition of honouring all of Year 6 by giving 2/3 a prize this year and leaving out a handful of children for the first time in recent memory?! In front of the whole school and lots of parents .. after the difficult year+ children have had with lockdown and so on.
I couldn’t believe what I sat through last week - and would be saying that regardless of whether my child was a recipient or not! Takes the shine off for everyone and felt very cruel.

Ma That is appalling.

Agree
it’s always the same
Either the class alpha
Or the class struggling kid being rewarded for not misbehaving

@3cats4poniesandababy

What also used to annoying me (a top of middle level cbild) they did away days for the gifted and talented group, away days for those who were less academic, away days for those who English wasn't a first language. Essentially so many groups had various away days that around 90% of people got to do one. I never fell into any if the groups so year after year I had to see all the groups go while we were still sat in class.

In the past the badly behaved pupils were taken out on jollies as well which also led to the well bahaved being quite rightly disgruntled, Our reward for working hard is to stay in school to work! In the '80s when the initiatives were targetting girls and the gifted/talented many of the average/below average ability boys felt they were being side-lined, it influenced their behaviour and achievement accordingly.

I sometimes got prizes, sometimes not. It didn't bother me and later on it only really bothered the girls (girls school) with the ultra competitive parents who brought them up to think that anything less than number 1 was losing big time (for eg: If i don't get all As on my O-level certificate i'll rip it up)

it helps build resiliance and hopefully helps build graciously winning because life isn't prizes for all is it? the candidate who tried hardest in the interview for the job gets nothing compared to the best candidate who got it etc etc

My DD is polite, hard working and has moved up to the top groups in her class this year and is still disappointed that she didn't get the 'Star Pupil' award. It's given out weekly so plenty of time for each child to get one but some of the children were given it multiple times. She was disappointed but I just tried to explain that some people need extra encouragement to feel proud of themselves and it doesn't mean she hasn't done well. I think it's also due to the fact she doesn't understand why others are being rewarded for I.e. trying hard to listen when most of them do that anyway. She's fine & will get over it but kids do take it to heart when they don't get anything despite trying their best.

In my kids school prizes are given for most effort, or best improvement etc, to try and reward the under achievers, not sure that works too well either

Ds is one of the top 4 students in his school year of 250+ kids, puts the hours in and works really hard for his grades but has never received a prize for academic achievement as there are a couple of really naturally academic kids in his year.

This year he did really well in his main assessments, got 5As for his Scottish Highers and got his first ever invite to prize giving, they don't say in advance why they have been invited. He excitedly thought maybe he'd managed to get the top grade for one subject, or they were maybe giving out a certificate to recognise the only 4 students that got 5As. He got called up and and was given a certificate for attending and getting good feedback from a virtual work experience, he was disappointed, mortified and raging as everyone else got "proper" prizes, the picture of him on the school website holding his certificate shows exactly how he felt about it 🤣.

In high school 1 girl and 1 boy for each subject got a prize.

For 1 of my GCSE subjects I was the only girl in that subject so of course I got the prize. It was very embarrassing as I then took it to ALevel and again was the only girl...

As soon as my parents got the invite I knew which subject I was up for.