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To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?(883 Posts)
I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!
Regularly paid for coffees /lunches for a skint friend...
Until he bought a Mercedes convertible..
Many a time. My mother always tells me that no good deed goes unpunished.
I did just the same, picking a kid up after school just till 4pm when dad could get her. ( taking at least 30 mins to persuade the little sweetheart to put her bloody shoes on and get her out the door.) It was a nightmare, she was terribly behaved, my kids didn't like her at all and she was mean to my dog.
Still took me ages to tell them to bog off.
Lent out some camping equipment. Came back damaged. I generally have an attitude of not lending stuff unless I know the person very well.
I've never offered to do any form of childcare as I know the risk of what happened to you, op, would be too high.
Similar to @Sunnydayshereatlast . I used to regularly help out a relative who pleaded poverty. Look after her child after school each night as she said she couldn't afford after school club, buy things she'd ask me to pick up in the supermarket then not take the money for it as she either would say she was short or have no cash, helped her out when her car needed new tyres and many other similar things. I stopped the day she told me she'd booked a holiday to DisneyWorld in Florida. Our summer holiday that year was a week camping in Wales. I have very little contact with her now.
I invited someone for Christmas lunch who I had never met before. He was a friend of of my DD who was on his own and had had a tragedy in his life. He was quite disparaging, kept commenting on how much we all ate and didn’t say thank you. I won’t do that again.
Actually the year before I had DD’s then boyfriend to stay for Xmas. His family didn’t celebrate Xmas and daughter felt sorry for him. He lounged around on the sofa dominating the remote, and was rude. He didn’t thank me either.
I can't think of an exact example at the moment, but in general it always seems to be the same people giving and the same people taking. Even a lot of charities treat their volunteers badly.
Regret spending an absolute fortune on an ex's birthday who turned out to be a total shit. I spent loads and made some really thoughtful homemade gifts and when it came to light just what a horrible cheating bastard he was I felt like a real idiot.
Omg yes, many times! I still like to make kind gestures, but I don't give away more than I can afford to give happily. That goes for money, gifts, my time or information about myself. The last two on that list are the ones I have recently, actively had to learn how to lay down boundaries with.
Yes, I reduced a laurel hedge at the end of my garden at the bequest of my neighbour. It was wildly overgrown and as high as their house but it gave me complete privacy in my garden. I did it myself and it took months what with all the shredding etc. The plan was to keep the hedge at 7 foot ish but at the moment Its a bit stumpy. We also removed paid a tree surgeon to remove some massive conifers which cost 2k ( although we would have done this anyway) Their garden now gets much more light although I here are still a few large deciduous trees in mine and neighbouring gardens.
Not only did I got get so much as a word of thanks from the neighbours I now have to listen to them slagging me off for it removing all the trees whenever I’m at the end of my garden and trying to make me feel uncomfortable in my own garden. So, I’ve planted loads more trees and have been feeding and watering the laurel which will be massive again in no time at all I’m not sure I’ll ever trim it again.
Don’t ask people to do things for you and then act like a cunt. Also, if you don’t like trees don’t buy a house surrounded by mature specimens!
Christmas lunch seems to be a theme.
I invited ex MIL as she said she’d otherwise be alone. She turned up an hour late with a friend who I’d never met because “they were alone too” Empty handed, not even a selection box for the kids. Was asked not to smoke in the house so waited till I was in the kitchen (didn’t offer any help natch)! then lit up and burnt a hole in my new table cloth. Never said thank you and left within five minutes of eating (no help with the washing up either) as they had to get off to go see another friend who’d invited them over.
I encouraged my DD, when she was in primary school, to invite a classmate round because I felt sorry for her. This girl had a pretty rough home life and not many friends and after she came round, I could see why. Nightmare.
So so many times! Mostly just being nice and accommodating to people who don't deserve it as pps have stated. Most recent one though, leant a relatively expensive beauty gadget to a friend for a couple of weeks. It took me MONTHS to get it back, she kept making excuses why she wasn't in think 'I won't be home until 22:00"
'It's fine I'm finishing work at 2130 I'll nip round for it'
'Oh no I'm going straight to my boyfriends '
'Can you drop it at (friend who lives v close to her)'s house please?'
No I can't because I've got to clean my clothesline pegs'.. (exaggeration but you get it)
Eventually I got it back. She sent me a message within the hour with some elaborate story about how the mechanism hadn't activated for a while but still works.
It didn't, she'd broken it
I'm still trying to get it fixed over a year later and It's probably the only beauty luxury I've bought myself in a decade!
Known her over 20 years too
Lent a friend my vax and she broke it, but didn't tell me.
Offered to look after my neighbours toddler whilst she went for a doctors appointment one morning, she didn't come back until 6pm, she's been out for lunch and then gone shopping. Her toddler constantly fought with mine and refused to have an afternoon nap so was grumpy, and I had to arrange for someone to pick my dd up from school as I didn't have an extra car seat or double buggy to take 2 toddlers with me. She asked me to have him again 2 weeks later because she had a hospital appointment and I said no chance 😁
I was once charmed into a friendship by the mother of a child at my DC’s school.
She was all over us. Always asking to meet up or pop over.
Come September in Year 7, this woman’s child needed lifts to the secondary school (no buses). She asked me and I agreed.
Once the routine was established we heard nothing from her. No more invitations, no more evenings out... Took me ages to realise that she’s got what she needed (transport for her child at the new school) and her work was done.
I stopped the lifts by text message.
By this time I hadn’t seen her or even spoken to her properly in 8/9 months yet was giving her DC a lift to school every day.
The worst thing was that afterwards my DC admitted that the other child was really awful to my DC when they were at school.
Lent stuff that came back damaged.
Lent money and never saw it again.
No good deed goes unpunished, as said above.
I've helped people out in the past when they "pleaded poverty " and were unable to afford something. I know how dispiriting it is when you have no money, no savings and no options. I've only offered little things but I got miffed when I realised that their idea of poverty is totally different to mine.. eg not having money for something after bills because you are overpaying ur mortgage or don't want to use ur savings is not really comparable to not being able to afford it because u simply don't have any money anywhere and you've sold everything valuable already. I tend not to discuss money anymore with people because I bump into this attitude so often.
I also used to help support a young person who was a friends DD in state care. It ended up with her bringing drugs into my house, telling SS I'd supplied her with class A drugs, and telling police I'd beaten her up (I'd watched her punch herself in the face). Eventually I ended the arrangement after learning she regularly carried knives
I was a regular patron at a vegetable stall near us. The shop owners mother looked unwell & was about to collapse. I rendered medical assistance till the ambulance arrived. Whilst this went on, the shop owners large dog ate a bag of lamb chops I'd just bought.
Whilst I don't regret helping the elderly lady at all, I thought the shop owner might have given me the fruit/veg I'd bought for free, instead of charging me! Especially as their dog ate £15 of lamb chops I'd bought for a special meal!
I'm more careful now of that instinctive urge to be helpful!
Delivered shopping weekly for a family of six that were supposedly shielding only to find out they were going to bbqs and still seeing friends but somehow couldn't make it to a supermarket [confused[
They didn't even have the good grace to even thank me.
I am no longer wishing to be friends with this person, another CF exposed!