To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

[AmberItsACertainty]

@Lavender2018

Our 8 year old DS was invited to a school friend’s house for a couple of hours during the school holidays.The boy wasn’t one of DS’s inner circle of friends but he was happy enough to go to his house.
I picked DS up after 2 hours as arranged, and about 20 minutes after we arrived home the phone rang, it was the friend with whom he had just been playing with.He wanted to know if he could come over to play at our house the following day.
I thought it was a bit strange especially as my son wasn’t particularly eager to see him again.
I took the phone from DS and asked to speak with the boys parents.The child’s father just said “I’ll drop him off at 9am and pick him up at about 4.30pm” and put the phone down.
I was speechless at the cheek of him just presuming this was convenient, he was using me as an unpaid child minder enabling him to save his annual leave allowance.
I had to feed and entertain him all day.
As a friend of mine once said;
“If you find a mug put a handle on it”
For those younger readers it means
if you find someone foolish enough to be used to your advantage, hold on to them so you can do it over and over again!

OMG why didn't you hit redial on the phone and tell them it's not convenient?! Unbelievable CFs.

[Cokie3]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

'Had' by a zombie thread again. *@MNHQ* - ever considered closing these things to new replies after a certain period of time has elapsed? Why do people insist on resurrecting these threads (it's not as if they don't carry actual warnings that they're dead threads!)

@MarieIVanArkleStinks The thread is LESS THAN ONE YEAR OLD, not like 5 years old or going back to 2014 like many zombie threads! If it was 2+ or 5+ years old I'd agree. But it's less than twelve months old! Certainly not 'zombie' in any Mumsnetter's definition.

[Cokie3]

@withlotsoflove

This is a thread from only 8 months ago?
It’s hardly been years that have have passed!
We’ve had threads resurrected from 10+ years occasionally! 😂
Count yourselves 🍀

Exactly. A mere 8 months running is not a 'zombie' thread in anyone's definition. I think people are confused as to what a 'zombie thread' actually is. To me, it is 5+ years old, 2 years at the earliest. There are current long-running threads in AIBU that have run for much longer than 8 months, with regular updates from the OP. 8 months is a current thread.

[Cokie3]

Nothing really that I recall as an adult, I do remember though having nice new red leather sandals as a child, I think about 8 years old, in grade 3, wore them to school (begged mum to let me I think) and for some reason why that I simply can't remember for the life of me, swapped them with a classmate's old sandals for the school day - maybe she wanted to try them on, I really don't know. Anyway, forgot to get the back at the end of the day, the next day the girl didn't bring them to school. So much went to the girl's house 2 days after to get them back, and the mother and boyfriend made a thing of looking for them but were quite rude to mum and said they weren't there. That same morning at school while this was happening, the girl said her mum was going to bash my mum up. I remember being really, really scared and crying and the my class teacher comforting me.

Very strange memory. Never got my shoes back, and have no idea why the hell I would 'swap' for the day my new shoes that I begged mum to be allowed to wear to school, with another girl's ratty old sandals.

[Cokie3]

*So much
should be

So, mum

[mathanxiety]

I was about 7 months pg and did a friend a favour by taking her 3 yo DD three mornings a week plus lunch while friend had a part time job. I thought it would be nice for my DD to have someone to play with.

When I mentioned the plan to another friend she was strangely silent.

I realised why after the first morning, with my house looking like a home where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the antelope play.

The second day, hoping to avoid a repeat of the first morning, we went to the park. She bolted. Kind strangers caught her. I strapped her into the buggy and we went home. Home was soon destroyed. She got into a play tent and literally ran into walls.

The arrangement lasted a week. On the last day I sent child and DD into the back garden and sat out with them. We had a 'picnic' lunch. The garden damage was easy enough to repair.

[Cokie3]

@readingismycardio No need to post just to placemark, that's what Watch This Thread is for;

[Mintsmints]

My cousin and his now wife. They used to live with my cousins mum and dad and so came round to ours a lot to get out. We gave them furniture we could have sold, they even came on holiday with us and only paid for the flights as we had booked a big apartment. My cousin quite often borrowed money to pay for things as he had not got enough on him and we knew they were saving up to get married so didn’t ask for it back.
After they got married and moved into a big house we suddenly were beneath them and were dropped. Every time I see them at family events my blood boils.

[ExitChasedByAnImposter]

@Mintsmints I hope they paid any money back and returned anything of value. I’d be tempted to point out how much help they actually got if they made comments or showed that you were both now beneath them. What are the chances that they were using you to save up for their dream home?

[Opal93]

Just thought of another one. I had a friend who was a single mother of 3 and in a new relationship. It was her mother’s birthday and they were having lunch in a family restaurant and I offered to babysit the kids so she could enjoy a kid free lunch and bring her boyfriend along to meet her family. She was very happy and accepted. The lunch was at 12, and hours and hours and hours went by and I couldn’t get her on the phone. I couldn’t just leave because I couldn’t just leave the kids! My husband and I had our own dinner plans I had to cancel! At half 8 at night she rocked up, “ we decided to go to Portstewart beach (over an hours drive from Belfast where we live!) and then we decided to call into the pool hall for a game of pool on the way back. Never again!! Some people will take a mile if you give them a yard

[EggyPegg]

I've got one where a friend regretted doing me a favour.

We babysit for each other and one night DH and I went for dinner and drinks in Bristol. It's not far, but we do go on the motorway. We were aiming to be back for about 1130pm. At 11pm we got onto the M32 which is normally very quiet at that time. Just as we went past an exit, traffic backed up and stopped dead.

There had been an accident involving a truck and a van that had happened literally minutes before. It wasn't serious, no-one was hurt, but they managed to block all three lanes. We watched as the tow truck came past us about half an hour later.

We kept my friend updated (with photos of the gridlock) and finally got home at 130am.

We bought her many gifts the next day by way of an apology.

[londonscalling]

Personally, I feel it's a bit like owning a washing machine. You don't need one but once you've had one you wouldn't want to go without one. In fact, at times, I've almost felt a dishwasher is more important than owning a washing machine, as I can do without a washing machine because I can use the local launderette!

[lordalmighty]

I have a few.

I advertised my daughters old baby clothes on Gumtree, free to anyone who needed them. I was inundated with messages and stories asking for help but in the end just went for the first person to message as I didn't think it was fair to 'choose'. Anyway the woman comes to collect, 2 black bags full & asks if she can have a look, fair enough I thought. #
She took every single item out, inspected it and huffed. She then said 'you said it was all designer?' And I told her my ad had included photos and at no point did I say it was all designer, some things were, and lots of things were new with tags as they were gifts etc. She basically complained that had she known she wouldn't have bothered coming but would take it she supposed. A few months later I advertised more things and a lovely woman arrived with her baby, didnt want to look in the bag & was so grateful. She had come on 3 buses to pick it up with a tiny baby in winter! I gave them a lift home and we kept in touch for a few years before she moved away.

I am currently in the position where I offered my colleague a lift to/from work one week when her DH was working away, and I am now trapped by it. If I am ever 2 minutes late she phones to see where I am, she complains about my driving, huffs if I can't park right beside work & most recently she has asked that I collect and drop her at her house instead of the main road as 'the walk is hurting her back' and she has NEVER said thank you. I also regularly need to detour to pick up click & collect items despite needing to be home to pick up my kids from their gran. I am ending the arrangement this week as it's more stress than it's worth and I only offered to do it for a week!

[Matrottinetteelectrique]

Ok lordalmighty, text moany lift woman and tell her due to your childcare arrangements you’re not offering her a lift anymore and she’ll have to make other arrangements, don’t give any more explanations, no saying “oh just text me if you’re stuck”, nothing!

[Thepollonator]

I worked as an assistant manager in a lovely little decorating store. I was once given the task of training a guy to become a store manager (not of my store) I put everything I had into it and I do think I did ok.
Roll on about 12 months and he finishes up at my store where he turned out to be a liar, a back stabber and a genuinely horrible guy but nice as pie to any other managers or higher.
I got so fed up and frustrated by him that I and three other staff had to leave! Never got any support or understanding from regional manager as the guy had always been very professional when faced with him. I had worked there very happily for 10 years.

[Lacucuracha]

@lordalmighty omg you have to stop! It's too much anyway but her moaning would make this unbearable.

[lordalmighty]

@Matrottinetteelectrique @Lacucuracha she will text me tonight to tell me she will see me in the morning and will respond then that actually I am unable to give her a lift anymore and will see her at work. Cool, calm and collected! I don't even feel nervous about it, if she complains I will just tell her exactly why!

[Matrottinetteelectrique]

She will complain to your colleagues and give you the silent treatment for the rest of your working days, but who cares!

[maddiemookins16mum]

Offered a colleague a lift home. Ended up doing it for months. We both finish at 4pm, but if I was in the middle of something I’d stay longer (I’m talking 5 minutes not an hour). She’d have her coat on at 3.55pm EVERY DAY and stand at my desk at 3.58pm, bag on shoulder glaring at me. At 4pm she’d say ‘right, are we off now?’. Thank God Covid put a stop to that. She never thanked me either. Now she gets her daughter to collect her, she looks out the window tutting from 3.55 if daughter is not parked up in the disabled spot outside our office by then.

[willibald]

[quote lordalmighty]**@Matrottinetteelectrique* @Lacucuracha* she will text me tonight to tell me she will see me in the morning and will respond then that actually I am unable to give her a lift anymore and will see her at work. Cool, calm and collected! I don't even feel nervous about it, if she complains I will just tell her exactly why![/quote]
You really need to grow a spine and tell her NO. No explanations, justifications, apologies. Just unable to do it anymore. Message only. She rings, don't pick up.

[Theunamedcat]

Friend who had "no money" for catfood she gave her kitten some corned beef and she had vomited it up she was "so poor" my cats were fussy so I had a lot of half bags of cat food and some leftover kitten food i packed it all up and met her in town she went to a coffee shop first then on to McDonald's (I'm following her around carrying a huge bag of fucking food) she spent almost thirty quid on McDonald's then ordered a taxi to take her home to her (adult) children with the McDonald's she then moaned at me that she would have to get a taxi back into town just to get the shopping (and obviously home again after) I still gave her the catfood because well wtf was i going to do with it but I haven't spoken to her since her idea of poor and mine are clearly vastly different (and yes she did live in walking distance of town and the bus stop is close) this was all the straw that broke the camels back

[Likeandsubscribe]

Yes I'm afraid a close family member and I have experience of paying someone's urgent vet bills for them , and their IT so they could work, and then discovered the person concerned had blown a lot of money on interior decor. They then went on to criticise our houses for being shabby

[Lavender2018]

@AmberltsACertainty
I know totally agree, I think I was so taken back it just didn’t cross my mind!
I also forgot to mention that when the
dad arrived to collect his son, he didn’t even have the decency to come to the front door, he just tooted
on his horn and the child just ran to the car without even a thank you or goodbye.
You live and learn! (or do we?)

[Lacucuracha]

[quote lordalmighty]**@Matrottinetteelectrique* @Lacucuracha* she will text me tonight to tell me she will see me in the morning and will respond then that actually I am unable to give her a lift anymore and will see her at work. Cool, calm and collected! I don't even feel nervous about it, if she complains I will just tell her exactly why![/quote]
Yes! Let us know her reaction 😂

[littlebillie]

Walked a little boy home with my DCs a few times as mum was running late. She had decided that this was a permanent arrangement, when I said I had plans one week and I couldn't walk the boy home she went out her way to exclude my dc from play dates and from a party (they were all really good friends) and was exceptionally unpleasant to me personally.

Absolutely strange and unkind, it put me off helping out with children even on a casual basis