To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

[UltimateWednesday]

No, I don't think so, but I wouldn't have agreed to a long term commitment like that for anyone.

[funkylittleboatrace]

I had a friend who asked me if I could do her gels both hand and feet, Brazilian wax and lash and brow tint before she went on holiday the next day.
Friend comes round 2 hours late it took couple of hours to do treatments which I charged at mates rates ,went to transfer me money for treatments decided this would leave her a bit short for holiday so asked if she could pay next week while she is away when she gets payed.

I said that's fine I was pissed off but I thought at least I will have a bit extra next week,4 weeks later she messaged saying 3 nails have chipped ( after 4 weeks 2 of those she was on holiday in a hot country In the pool non stop!) and she thinks she should only pay me £20 also can she book in for a polish change and leg wax...I've never replied it's been two years

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Oh Lord, yes, just once. Bent over backwards to help a boyfriend of a dd, with quite a lot of money and other help, inc. trying to arrange legal assistance when he’d got himself into bother.
Never again, not with anyone like that, anyway - I’d been warned about him and thought I knew better.

Instances of help to other people have never been regretted at all.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Lent out some camping equipment. Came back damaged.

At least they bothered to return it, albeit useless. My best friend at uni kindly offered to lend her really nice quality tent to a friend of her sister's (so not even her own friend) to take to a festival. He promised to take very good care of it. When he came back home, she asked when he could drop it back over and he said dismissively "Oh, people just tend to leave tents at festivals, as they get dirty and are a pain to have to take down."

So he hadn't even just basically stolen a tent, he'd also left it filthy and pitched in somebody's field and, along with hundreds of other people, made it their problem to deal with hundreds of the things because none of them could be bothered to deal with one.

[SwedishK]

Yes, it's only a small thing but it has stuck with me for some reason.

I was in the queue to the check out in Sainsbury's and a woman was in front of me. There were a few items left on the side of the belt so before I put my stuff up I asked her if the items were hers. She then turned around and called me a silly little cow for not realising it was her stuff and that they had just fallen off.

It was my birthday that day and my husband had made no effort what so ever so my reason for going to the shop in the first place was to get some cake. I was already emotional but that just tipped me over the edge. I got all teary eyed and left the cake and walked out. I just couldn't deal with it that day.

[StCharlotte]

@whatisheupto

Going through one (sort of) at the moment. Offered to do elderly neighbours shopping when lock down began. 6 or 7 big shops later and I'm wondering how much longer this will go on for! Feel bad thinking that as really they shouldn't risk catching Covid but I cant help wondering why their 2 DC don't do an online shop for them? (They live v far away). I have suggested that but it fell on deaf ears. However, I also believe in helping out and all doing our bit for the community. And one of them is pretty frail and unwell.....

I feel a bit bad as my niece has been doing this for me. I'm "vulnerable" but not shielding and I'm wfh. No one knew it would go on this long! I have checked though and she's been happy to continue. Or so she says...

However when I go back to the office she will be getting a massive bouquet and a whopping John Lewis voucher (her favourite shop) as she and her boyfriend have just bought their first house together and she really has gone above and beyond.

[2DayW0rk2m0rrw]

Friend moved long distance away, I offered a lot of support when they were homesick

They moved back

I suggested meeting for coffee several times, so that we could meet face to face

Lots of excuses received

I have since moved a long distance away

[Fanthorpe]

that’s really awful thatsnotgoingtowork, I’d be really cautious with her from now on.

[morethanafortnight]

Yes. I'm on the committee of a hobby group, and shortly before our annual prizegiving I suggested to the chair that a particular long-standing and hardworking member be given some sort of recognition for their efforts. At the prizegiving they were duly presented with a certificate for services for the club.

About 3 months later, (not knowing it had been my idea) she had a right old moan at me about the pathetic gesture, and how it was tantamount to an insult to be given this certificate, like some sort of patronising pat on the head. She has since proved to be a misery guts about several other things as well, and I really wish I'd never bothered.

[Thesheerrelief]

A few years ago my cousin asked if I'd help her write a CV and cover letter. No problem, she gave me some basic info and I did them up, using mine as a template and emailed them off to her. She wanted me to help her to email them off for a job she was interested in, but couldn't remember her email password, so she asked me to set up a new email address for her and submit her application. I did that, too, like I was her PA or something.

She now doesn't talk to me since I have less time to help her with things after becoming a single mum. Useful lesson learned for me.

[PermanentCobOn]

Just spent nearly a year volunteering for free at a charity helping the less fortunate. The office was the most political place I've ever worked. The people I helped didn't thank me once, just complained when they thought you were not helping them enough. The people I worked with, who were handsomely paid, did F'all all day. I just quit on Friday.

I like helping people, but I will never do it for free again.

[whatisheupto]

@Paperthin no I don't thank goodness or I'd be mortified!! But maybe you should just tell him you are doing it from now on, or perhaps contact them and ask them how they'd like to proceed. If I knew it was another month or two it would be ok but I can't see they're suddenly going to be happy going into the supermarket in 4 weeks' time.
The thing is, what with getting their list, doing the actual order (trying to read bad spelling/make choices for them when there are loads to choose from), separating it all when it arrives in one enormous mixed delivery, carting it all over there (with all our frozen stuff and all theirs slowly melting if we're not quick), then going through the torturously long receipt to work out who got what, then adding it all up, then waiting for the cheque, then pissing around trying to pay in the cheque on my app....... it all takes longer than you might think!

[Fanthorpe]

I’ve lent out pressure washers twice, both have come back broken with no admission of the damage.
To be honest if someone asks to borrow something now I just consider it gone from my possession.

I’ve realised if you want something to happen you have to be very direct and specific, and if you don’t feel like acting in that way just accept that people generally behave quite selfishly.

[Carouselfish]

When I was a student and not great at money management, I'd get paid, treat my best friend and housemate to dinner out, drinks, make up etc. Then when the end of the month came, I'd be broke and living on mashed potato, she'd have cupboards full of food and never offer me anything.
Also, putting together a care package for a bf including lovely photo that I subsequently lost the negative for, poetry, thoughtful letter, all sorts of things and sent it to the post office of an obscure South American town he was going to be in in a week's time. He rerouted and never picked it up. I still wonder what ever happened to it.

[whatisheupto]

Oh @StCharlotte please don't feel bad .. I think the fact you are showing gratitude and you will be sending a gift (and you are family) all make the world of difference.

[PermanentCobOn]

To be honest if someone asks to borrow something now I just consider it gone from my possession.

Or you could say, sorry whenever I lend stuff out it comes back broken, so no you can't borrow it.

[wizzbangfizz]

I found a phone on a train once, the owner had messaged herself from another phone asking whoever found it to phone this number. I did, and I should have bloody known by her put out attitude that I would be in another part of the country for a couple of days that I shouldn't have bothered. Arranged to meet her later in week at coffee shop, she messaged saying can you make sure it is charged. Walked into the shop she literally snatched it off me without a thank you - I was . If I see another expensive item on a train I'm leaving it there.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

This was only a partial regret, because of minor CF-ery, but quite funny really.
Ages ago my dh on a business trip flight home from Cairo, got chatting to an elderly Egyptian lady who was on her way to relatives in Canada.

However on landing she found that her onward flight was badly delayed so she was distraught, since she didn’t have enough money for an overnight hotel - probably true, she didn’t look well off.

So good old tender-hearted dh phones to say he’ll be bringing her home to stay the night, and would I take her back to Heathrow for her flight the following day?
OK.
Only thing was, having asked what was for dinner (I forget what but I’m not a bad cook!) she said she didn’t like it and wanted to go shopping for something else!
So off we went to Asda, where of course I paid for whatever it was she wanted, and cooked a separate dinner.
She was quite happy after that, feet up on the sofa, perfectly at home.
On the way back to Heathrow we had to stop for her to have her picture taken with a policeman outside Hampton Court!
But she was happy.

[Tigerty]

Lent a good friend a pristine first edition Harry Potter book. She then claimed she lost it until after nagging presented me with a less than pristine bog standard copy.

We’re still friends but I’ve never lent her anything else.

[LunaHardy]

Yep. Many times. Bought a Tesco meal deal for a homeless man, he complained and said "I would have rather had the money".

Another time I gave a friends brother lots of household items after he came home from prison, kettle/toaster/pans etc, almost kitted his entire kitchen. Saw most of the items on Facebook for sale. CF.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

A woman I'd known since schooldays had a ghastly upbringing but never left home, so both I and my family loved and supported her and later, when I was married, that side joined in too. Family events, meals out, day trips, holidays, you name it - we gladly included her in so much, and even came home early from a rare "just us" break when her mum died and she was distraught

Roll on to my own mum dying and radio silence followed - no call, no visit, not even a card. Eventually there were hysterics because "I didn't know what to say" and foolishly I let it go, but then my exH became seriously ill and the same thing happened

This time, sadly, there was no further contact

[Fanthorpe]

@PermanentCobOn no one gets a second chance, I promise! There are good people around though, I’m sure of it.

[Divoc2020]

My child was in a musical show at our local theatre for 4 nights.

The group organising it asked if I could help with their marketing (unpaid, obviously) as they knew that I worked in that industry. They needed to sell at least 60% of tickets to break even.

I was working freelance at the time and spent waaaay more time on it than I should:

• I sent press releases to the schools of every single child in the show (over 20 different schools)
• I arranged photos and send press releases to local media
• I arranged a cast member interview on local radio
• I managed the design, print and distribution of leaflets, banners and local advertising
• I submitted the details to every single online event listing I could find and all the local 'what's on' mags for parents
• I ran the Facebook and Twitter accounts for 4 months

For the first time in its history (runs every year) the show was a sell-out. Everyone thrilled.

After the final performance everyone clustered backstage for "well dones/ thank yous " etc. All of the committee members got bunches of flowers/ applause etc (not me). The producer/ director of the show then said how pleased she was a sell out and she had chosen such a popular show because although I had "helped out a bit with marketing" the tickets had "sold themselves" really. Everyone laughed. I wasn't thanked. No card/ flowers on anything.

When we got in the car to go home my child asked why I was crying .
When I told my DH later he said I should invoice them for my time at my freelance rate. We estimated it was over £8,000's worth.

[Jockjockjock]

Occasionally but not as much as I have been really glad that I helped someone out

[attillathenun]

Lent a friend lots of decorations we had bought for our wedding for her wedding as she is always hard up, and we didn’t need them. After her wedding she sold it all on Facebook without asking if I was ok with it and didn’t even offer me a single penny.