To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

A small thing but really annoyed me.
A house bound friend said she really fancied a takeaway but couldn't afford one. I bought her one to be delivered to her house. She chose the items and knew the estimated delivery time. The takeaway rang me saying they were outside but my friend wasn't answering the door. I tried ringing my friend - they knew what time the takeaway was coming so they were expecting it. They just didn't answer the phone so I got worried about what had happened. After about 5 minutes, The driver said he couldn't wait any longer so he left it on the step. I rang and messaged my friend, still no answer. About two hours later, my friend messages saying oh I didn't realise, it's cold now so I threw it away.

This thread is giving me the rage, I’ll come back later

Don’t ask people to do things for you and then act like a cunt.

^ Just brilliant.

I let a fellow customer go before me in the queue at a corner shop because she only had a pint of milk whilst I had a small basket of bits.

She then produced many, many lottery ticket things to process, which took around 20 mins (must have been doing a lottery run for the whole street/office).

I’ve been threatening to turn “No good deed goes unpunished” into a cross stitch it’s become such a motto.

Just a trivial one:

As a teenager, I met up with a friend from school to go shopping & browsing in a big town: a rare treat. Immediately, she found a coat she wanted but said she didn't have enough money on her. I reluctantly lent her almost all the money I had on me so she could get it. I was looking forward to just mooching round the shops with her after that, but she declared with a smug grin that she was off home, & left me there!

Fast forward decades, & I got a facebook friend request from her out of the blue. Reader, I turned it down.

@Tigerty

Lent a good friend a pristine first edition Harry Potter book. She then claimed she lost it until after nagging presented me with a less than pristine bog standard copy.

We’re still friends but I’ve never lent her anything else.

Gosh, that's awful do you think she sold it? They can be worth £££!

Oh god yes. The last time cost me a huge (to me) sum of money. Never ever again- I’ve finally learnt the lesson - never a good deed goes unpunished and never a lender nor a lender be.

I’ve had minor ones like foolishly working far too many hours overtime without pay OR time off for small businesses I was employed by when younger, stupidly thinking they were struggling. Then dad pointed out the one he was aware of and his huge house, flash car etc.

I’ve been involved in guiding/scouting in the past for many years as a leader which is a huge undertaking if you’re a uniformed leader as it’s not just the one night a week term time but all the training, admin, prep etc. The majority of parents and children are grateful and appreciative but there’s a significant minority think that subs mean they’re “paying” you as if you’re paid childcare and moan about the pettiest shit and never say thank you!

Yes, indeed. Give an entitled selfish git an inch and they'll take a yard and then they'll complain that it's not the right type of yard and by the way it's all your fault. this is EXACTLY what “my” worst CF Is like.

My sister - ex really as I’m nc now for several years.

Has among many other things:

Borrowed £10,000’s which I’ve never seen a penny back

Taken out debt against my name/address - took bloody years to sort that out!

Borrowed items cheap and expensive and broken/lost/given to others without my consent inc items of sentimental value/heirlooms

But what she was worst for was babysitting. I’m an ex nanny and childminder and I do love children but there are limits! I’d repeatedly have her dc so she could do whatever and she’d be late collecting them, not only stressing me but distressing them too.

The last straw (babysitting wise, I’m ashamed to say it took worse till I went nc) though was she asked me to have them one fri night so she could celebrate a friends milestone birthday, she then didn’t reappear until... the Sunday evening! I got a ton of excuses over that weekend but eventually found out she’d simply hooked up!

I think a lot of us fall for this crap when younger and then toughen up, I certainly have.

More recently I've decided to drop a friend I've known since our dd's were babies. Ever since we've met she's been on/off with the father of her dd. She's verbally attacked him in the street, he's called police on her twice (I wasn't there but she admitted to slapping him after he admitted to an affair) and got social services involved. I've always defended her, politely given her home truths if needed - got her into some therapy for the aggression etc. All through this I was also helping her cook/budget, giving her my old pram (same as a pp she sold it for £200 rather than return it, a year later) and listening to how terrible her ex was. Every year around their b.days they fall back into bed with each other. Every year she wonders if she should have another baby with him, every year I suggest not to. I've been to her house and spend days tidying/moving furniture, taking things to the tip. I've had her kid while she goes out for her weekly yoga/choir sessions that her ex was meant to have her for, all while she knows I don't have hobbies like this due to lack of childcare. Always asking for things from the house, "borrowing" a hoover, kettle, clothes, sander, paddling pool - not one of which has ever been returned.

Sorry, lots of things over the years so i'll cut to the chase. She recommended some gardeners to me who initially did great work. Then they started to stay later and later until I was feeding them dinner 3 nights a week, keeping dd up until 8pm when they left and collecting their 2 kids once a week from a town 40mins drive away. I don't even understand why I agreed to that but because they were "working" and struggling with childcare I agreed to. FFWD 2 months and they are expecting a pay out from their landlord. Immediately all work for me ground to a halt, 3 days of missed work with brief calls hours after they were expected with rubbish excuses each time. So I stopped calling them and offering work and ignored them when they rang a week later to see if they could continue. That week the lady of the couple turns up unannounced at my house and explains their expected windfall hasn't come through, they need work and she wants to stay over to visit the hospital next week . I managed to get her out of the house and said I would have to look at my calendar etc when I had a moment, closed the door and vowed to not do anything and keep ignoring them. I called the friend who recommended them and told her all of it and said I felt they were taking advantage, she agreed and said they had actually done the same to her (thanks for recommending them, right? ). Literally the next day I get a text from her saying they were all talking about me that evening and it was in fact my fault for not letting them in to do more work and ignoring them! Apparently they all agreed on this and I was being unreasonable. Also she needed to use my chipper so she was sending them around to get it from my shed that morning! I told her I was not having them come in while I wasn't home, didn't want them in my house for reasons I had already explained to her and that I was busy and couldn't deal with this right now. She went ballistic and said I needed to seriously think about this because she was in need and she thought I had "underlying issues"! I snapped and said yes I did have underlying issues, particularly with these gardeners that I had told her about and that perhaps if she would bother to call me (I was calling her every week to hear her whine on) she might ask how I was doing. She never bothered and I blocked her 3 weeks into lockdown. I feel so free!

Sorry that was a long one, needed to get it off my chest!

I was going through a bit of a bad time once. Work, BF troubles etc.

A friend invited me for drinks at their house on a Saturday to "cheer me up". I was a bit surprised at the start time (4.30pm) as it seemed an odd time, usually we'd say 7pm for drinks not late/mid afternoon but as I had nothing else on I was happy to be invited anywhere and was touched she wanted to cheer me up.

When I arrived I was given a drink and then she asked me to do her nails for her which I did. As soon as the nails were finished she said she couldn't offer me another drink as she now had to get ready for her night out with her BF (she never said they were going out) and I was more or less shown the door

Neighbour asked to borrow our jet wash and promised to return it in a couple of days.
Waited for three weeks , but the jet wash wasn’t returned so dh decided to ask for it.
The cf of a neighbour said that he had lent it to a friend and his friend had claimed that it was broken and therefore had thrown it away.
Neighbour didn’t offer to compensate us.

I flew to Australia as a student and took the cheapest route, over the States with a 6 hour wait at LAX, same in reverse.
So I’d flown from Sydney to LA, six hours waiting like a zombie, then back onto a plane for the last bit.
A stewardess asked me to move from my relatively comfortable bulkhead seat so that two friends could sit together.
I was really, really tired but I did move into a tiny central seat.
Regretted it for the next 9 hours when sleep proved impossible.

I had a big birthday and my DH bought me tickets to the theatre to see Hamilton (which at the time was sold out and tickets very £££). He wasn't that interested in going and so I invited a colleague along (for free) - she loved going to the theatre and had been going through a hard time so I thought she would enjoy it. She was very excited and we met up earlier for a meal and a drink - which I paid for (I struggle with social niceties, I assumed that as I had invited her I had to pay but my DH thinks she should have paid as she had £200 of theatre ticket for free), we get into the theatre and.... SHE PROMPTLY FELL ASLEEP. She slept through most of the first half, snoring away. It was so embarrassing.
I didn't say anything. During the interval she bought a programme and an ice cream for us both. I suspect so she could find out what the hell she had just missed. She dozed through a lot of the second half too.
After the show we went our separate ways. I text her to say I had got home safely and to thank her for coming with me. She replied complaining that her trains were delayed and she regretted coming out at all.
She never ever mentioned the show again.

I'm living it now.
Due to my twat of an exes landlord losing her job due to Coronavirus, sge was forced to sell the house, essentially leavibg ex and his son homeless.
I used the last of my student loan to buy a small caravan to put on the front of my house for him, he agreed to pay half back and pay me money per month towards bills.
Last week after he once again began shouting at me and calling me names I told him he will have to leave.
He told me if that's the case, he won't be paying anything to me and will stay as long as he needs, go to the council, tell them I moved him in and take my house.
I am currently living in a state of misery, not talking to each other, with three children in the house. I knew it was a terrible idea at the time, but I couldn't bear to see anyone homeless.
When will I learn.

I have had a lot of similar story, but would like to post about a situation where good deeds are appreciated.

At the beginning of lockdown, my kids childminder had to also close and offered to refund the month's payment as per her terms and conditions.

I didn't accept as we still had jobs that paid in full. This helped her as a self employed person not entitled to any support until July.

I continued paying for the rest if the months on full. Again on the basis that since we were paid fully, I wanted to ensure she stays financially viable.

My husband lost his job recently due to Covid. I let her know and she has offered us free childcare for the same amount of months we helped her out.

This will hopefully give us enough time for my husband to find a job. We never expected this and we wouldn't have asked. She did this because our payment was what helped her stay afloat at very difficult times.

So don't be put off by doing the right thing. The right people will always appreciate it.

School mum couldn't get her kid to a party because she was working so I collected him and brought him to mine for hours before the party. The kid was a little shit, wound up the dog, told my child to fuck off, didn't like my wallpaper, my house was boring, refused to get dressed for the party and cried when we were late for it. Kids behaviour was absolutely appalling at the party and after. He emptied and smeared his party bag all over my car on the way home saying it was messy anyway, my car was rubbish and his dad drives a better car and I should buy one like his dads car. He cried when I made him tidy up his mess before going back into his house. school mum text me later that night to ask what had happened because her child had been upset for the rest of the day that I had made her child tidy up the mess my child had made. She was corrected that it was infact her child that smeared birthday cake all over my car and threw the bag of those little rainbow coloured sweets(?) all over before stamping them into the rugs/seats and throwing them at my child. Not even a thank you for having her kid for 6 hours.

Turns out I wasn't the first parent to experience this sort of behaviour from this child and I was the 4th parent asked to take child to the party. Dad was at home all day doing fuck all.

God there are some terrible people around, some of these are just jaw-dropping.

Had my fingers burnt many many times , Too soft and too kind so a few years ago I thought thats it......other peoples problems are nothing to do with me.
I do have a very close friend who I have known for many years and I do a regular favour for her and she has never taken advantage .

I met a woman through mutal friends.
Nice enough but drops a lot of hints about needing help.
Someone mentioned the help I offer for my friend.....
So this woman suddenly keeps offering to do me favours,jumps into any conversation with others and says I will do that for you.
I always reply thank you but I dont need any help.

So the hints continue then suddenly she needs the same favour that I have been doing for my very good friend......

I have been ignoring the hints .......now I have been told she is slagging me off because she has offered to this and that for me but I wont offer to do this one thing for her.

But yes @Immigrantsong it agree, there are lovely people in the world too!

Another one.
When I was a university student, I lodged in the home of my landlady who was a single mother and had three young children.
Everything was fine until she got herself a new boyfriend. She would go out several times a week and would stay out all night leaving the children at home. She didn’t actually ask me to look after her kids, but she knew that I wouldn’t go out and leave the kids on their own. So I became their unofficial , unpaid babysitter. She didn’t even acknowledge this, let alone thank me.
I moved out at the end of that term.

Miss Flite yes I suspect she did but have no proof. It was quite a few years back now and I’m still sore about it.

Mind having read Divoc’s marketing theatre CF story it pales in comparison.

Let a friend stay in my flat rent free in the five week period between her moving out of one flat and into her next place. She didn’t contribute to anything at all. And then moved into her £320,000 house (bought on her own) whilst I continued to rent.

@Divoc2020 Gosh that is infuriating, poor you. I had a slightly similar experience so totally sympathise. Well done you on selling the show out!! Not an easy feat and all of us in marketing know full well it was down to your work, not the title of the show!

Lots because I’m way too nice!

One that really annoyed me was one of my DC not being able to attend a friend’s birthday party but I still got a present and card for DC to give to them at school. They were around 5/6. The mother never thanked me and in fact completely blanked me after that. So rude!

Recently a family moved in around the corner from me with a DC in my DC’s class and started asking me to give her DC lifts to parties, pick up from school etc making the point she and her DH were so ‘busy’ at work and it must be so nice being a SAHM. I’d never noticed the woman or spoken to her before that! I had to tell her in the end that I was only a SAHM due to having an older DC with a disability who could only attend school part time and I’d much rather have not had to give up my career to be a SAHM. Stupid cow blanks me now too.