To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

Granted my new next door neighbours guest access to my broadband while theirs was connected. They promised it was a) just for a couple of days, b) during work hours only so they could WFH and c) just one laptop. When - quite late one weekend evening - I finally worked out how to see what devices were connected to my hub, it looked like they'd connected every device in the house: several computers and multiple phones/tablets. And this was several weeks after their supposed connection date. This was partly my fault, as I should have checked and disconnected them on the date they'd given me, but I had just assumed they'd do as they'd promised. I think the bottom line was that they couldn't (or didn't want to) afford broadband but that was no reason to abuse my offer and take the piss, and I've been fucked off with them ever since!

Will not go into details, but Try to help somebody ended up costing us over £5,000

Niece was having a baby and I said I had some baby bits she could have if she needed. I came home to find BIL had turned up with his work van and DH was helping him load up. There was an old bottle steamer, that I told BIL to leave behind (as I was going to use it to sterilise jars for jam making and in any case the inner basket was falling apart), but he put it in the van anyway.

Later I got a phone call from SIL that niece was very angry with me and I needed to apologise to her as how dare I give her that bottle steamer. Not one thank you for the other stuff (cot, Moses basket, baby bath, grow bags, stair gate, buggy, high chair, bouncy chair, muslins, clothes, etc, etc.)

Needless to say I never gave her any stuff again and I packed up any remaining books and toys and took them to a charity shop.

Offered to store something for a friend for what I thought was a couple of weeks, a year later it turns out that friend doesn't want the item back and now it's my problem to dispose of it.

Same friend, offered to help with some DIY one weekend. Friend kept me hanging around all weekend before deciding she didn't need help after all.

Same friend, moved house and I offered to give her some things that I didn't need anymore. She was very happy to accept but never sorted out collection. In the end i had to go out of my way to deliver them to her.

I don't regret any of these individual offers. However, I will never, ever offer to do anything for this friend again, even though she regularly drops hints. In fact, writing this has made me remember that she is not much of a friend at all.

Brother and SIL arranged to visit us pre-Christmas with my niece who was about six. Through a particular west end theatre that was a client, I was able to get hold of three tickets for a well-known children's Christmas show. Not only did they arrive a day early (we were out at a gallery and had to cut that short to meet them in town) which they insisted was the arrangement even though I had texts proving the arrangement, but after me remarking it'll be nice to have them for an extra night, the the theatre booking being on the Saturday and their replay was 'oh no we can't, have to get back to home the next day for a solicitor's meeting" (buying a new house). Not one single word of apology for putting us out for arriving early, or more significantly for the tickets which they probably took as being of no consequence as they were 'free'. Fortunately I could pass on the tickets to a lovely friend who is one of the most kind and appreciative people we know. Unlike my miserable CF relatives. There's a litany of other stories including theft but that's for another time. Needless to say, we dont see them very often at all.

yep. I offered to give a lift home to somebody at work as her usual lift had left early through illness. I ended up giving her a lift there and back for 2 months. When I overheard her at work bitching about me I told her there and then she had to find an alternative ride to work as she wasn't getting one from me anymore.

Oh, and I let my ex keep the some of the furniture from our house after we separated - this was so that he had some to use while he continued to live there (during the notice period), but it was supposed to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50. He sold some, used the proceeds to get the rest cleaned/repaired and then gave it all away to his mate!

Why are these so enjoyable to read? Dunno but they are.

One of mine: when my DD was about 7, we invited about 9 girls and 2 boys to her birthday party. I received a call from the mother of another boy in her class at school wondering why her son hadn't been invited. I didn't know the boy or mother at all. I explained it was a small party and only two of the boys from the class had been invited and that was because DD had known them since she was 3 and they were good friends. The mother said he was very upset as he was good friends with those two boys. I didn't want him to be upset, so, of course, I said he must come. On the day of the party she rushed in, thrust what looked like a book from off his shelf at us, and said she'd have to pick him up early as he was 'double-booked' with another party. A few months later, when it was his birthday, they didn't invite DD.

I've never regretted a kindness - if it comes back as unkindness, it's instant life improvement cos you've dumped them.

Having said that, volunteering for Greedy Big Charity is a mug's game for many.

And another one (ooh, this is making me annoyed now!) - I helped a friend move her furniture and belongings after a rather acrimonious split with her partner. She popped over a week or so later and asked what time we were going back to collect the rest? Not only did I not know there was a Round Two (and muggins here didn't have the heart to say no), but the second lot was a load of plants which fell over in my car and spilt soil everywhere.

Note to self: "Sorry, I've had a drink and I'm over the drink-drive limit" needs to be deployed more often. Even if it is mid-morning.

I did the same - offered to help a friend one afterschool one day a week whilst she arranged long term care. It was the only day I finished early to pick up my own daughter.
Trashed house and nightmare -2 terms later I had to ask whether she found alternative care, as planned...especially when I realised her DH had a job that finished early!

Yes, indeed. Give an entitled selfish git an inch and they'll take a yard and then they'll complain that it's not the right type of yard and by the way it's all your fault.

After a few experiences I can see them coming and I'm less kind as a result.

My DH volunteered me to drive one of our B&B guests to and from the place she was doing a course as she didn't drive and there was no public transport. They agreed she would pay £70. Exactly the same amount as the speeding fine I got on the first day.

Doubly annoying as I genuinely never speed but it was an unfamiliar road and I'd missed the speed sign because it was right next to the directional sign that I was checking.

Grrr.

No, because I'm a selfish and independant person. So I don't do favours and I don't need favours. If someone asks a favour I would only ever give someone something if I can afford it.
I rarely lend anything out. Lesson learnt in primary school sharing my favourite stationary which always came back with the nibs pressed in or pencils snapped.
Mum always said 'never a borrower or lender be'.
Some of these stories are mindblowing, especially the posters who go back for seconds.

Here’s a nice one - I recently booked cinema tickets for our whole family for the wrong day so we couldn’t use them. They were non-refundable and non-transferable. I gave them to the adult child of a friend who took their DC instead. They offered me money for them but I declined. It had been a silly mistake in my part and I just wanted to be sure the tickets didn’t go to waste.

Later that day they sent me a photo of two very happy little girls at the cinema as a thank you and the following week they sent a lovely box of chocolates and pictures the girls drew of the film they saw.

Not all good deeds are punished.

Oh yes indeedy.

Oh god where to begin.

I used to go on secondment abroad with work fairly frequently pre-kids, sometimes for months or even years at a time. Was abroad for a few months one year and became friendly with a younger woman who was always sweetness and light when you saw her.

We're out for coffee one day and I casually mention DRelative is coming to our country for a visit. Her eyes light up. "Ooh is there any chance your DR could pick up X product over here and bring it for me? I'll pay him, I just can't get it out here." Not a problem, DR does that, I drop it off, she pays the exact amount, without even a little extra or so much as a drink to say thank you for DR's troubles and she's all smiles and thank yous.

A few weeks later I agree to buy a (different) product for me, her and some other friends in bulk as I lived very close to the shop where you could buy said product. She gives me the equivalent of about £20 for the product, which she thinks will be enough. I get to the shop and it turns out to be closer to £35. No worries, I pay up and drop it off to her. I mention the price difference, she says "Ah I've not got any cash on me but I'll settle up with you next time I see you."

Literally never hear from the woman again. Doesn't answer her phone. I see her out in public once and she breezes past looking straight ahead pretending not to notice me. All for the sake of about £15

The irony is, all these years later, she came up recommended to me on Facebook and we actually now live in the same town!! I like to think I have a very relaxed "I'll get this, you get it next time" type attitude to money but even I'm tempted to go and knock asking for my money plus interest

Lent stuff that came back damaged.
Lent money and never saw it again.
and
I'm more careful now of that instinctive urge to be helpful!

All of the above!

Seems we're a tribe of posters who need to shed a reflexive need to be helpful. All too often, those who ask don't need it as much as those who would never ask.

I put a "friend" up in my spare room for a week. Three months later she is still there . Problem was her personal hygiene wasn't the best and she would ming something awful. In the end I had to pretend I was selling my house. I even went to the lengths of putting stuff in boxes. After she left I spent the entire weekend cleaning that room but the mattress was truly disgusting and I had to pay somebody to take it away. Make me shudder to think about it.

No good deed goes unpunished is just a turn of phrase. I don't think anyone truly believes that ANY good turn will come back to bite you. Far from it. As long as you give something you can afford to give, whether it be money, a gift, your time etc, with no expectation of getting anything other than maybe a thank you, you'll probably not regret it.

Some of these stories boggle my mind not just at the CFery but at the people being taken in and putting up with it, seemingly silently fuming at their maltreatment. You're all too kind, nice people!

Can someone supply a story where the CF got called out on it, shamed or received bad karma? Better still, a little taste of their own medicine. I would like to think some of the CF's occasionally get their comeuppance or think to say thanks/sorry eventually ...or am I being naive?

I've just remembered. We lent a music video (remember those?) to BIL and not only did he not recall that we'd done so but his wife then passed it on to her friend. We got it back eventually but only after much wrangling - 'a genuine mistake' - my arse!

He lent us a record and within a week he asked if he could have it back, cheeky sod. He even had the audacity to ask if he could borrow a book from us. I gave him a the death stare and said coldly, "I never lend books out." Did he look suitably ashamed? A little, but he's never asked since.

Seems we're a tribe of posters who need to shed a reflexive need to be helpful. All too often, those who ask don't need it as much as those who would never ask.
^THIS! I'm a single mum and often find myself looking after other people's kids for sleep overs every term. Only 1 of these has ever had dd in return. I always feel I'm being taken advantage of but can't seem to say no. If I do people seem to make a huge deal and even sulk!

Took someone's kids to school 3 days a week so she could go to the gym to help her depression and anxiety. Later discovered that the aerobic activity that helped her shed 2 stone was shagging a mutual friend's DP during this hour. To add insult to injury, she sent one of her kids to school with when he was poorly (obvs to keep her tryst with lover boy) and child puked his body weight all over the seats of my car.

Going through one (sort of) at the moment. Offered to do elderly neighbours shopping when lock down began. 6 or 7 big shops later and I'm wondering how much longer this will go on for! Feel bad thinking that as really they shouldn't risk catching Covid but I cant help wondering why their 2 DC don't do an online shop for them? (They live v far away). I have suggested that but it fell on deaf ears. However, I also believe in helping out and all doing our bit for the community. And one of them is pretty frail and unwell.....