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Just given husband some home truths

(306 Posts)
Happy0 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:25:20

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

OP’s posts: |
RUOKHon Thu 04-Jun-20 19:27:51

Do you work? I’ve been a SAHM and I’ve been a WOHM, so I know how it works from both sides. But if you’re at home and he’s out at work, you should probably stick some dinner on for him for when he gets back. I think that’s only fair. It’s what I used to do when I was at home with our two DCs.

PinkiOcelot Thu 04-Jun-20 19:28:25

Your husband comes home from work, makes tea then clears up?! Every night?!
If that’s the case I’d be giving you some home truths if you’re in every day.

Flowersinthewild Thu 04-Jun-20 19:30:53

Is this a joke???hmm

StillCoughingandLaughing Thu 04-Jun-20 19:31:04

I’m confused. Is he complaining about cooking the dinner, or is he just having a moan because he’s bored? Let’s face it, who isn’t bored at the moment? He was probably just having a bit of a whinge.

Swifey40 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:32:34

I absolutely agree!! You are obviously at home and he is working and you don't cook the evening meal?? I'd be bloody pissed off too!! I have two boys at home, run my own business (all be it part time) but my husband works full time (about 7am til 7pm plus extra calls etc) I would never expect him to come home from a day like that and then have to cook dinner. After I had had a lovely walk and played with the boys etc!!!

Swifey40 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:33:12

Agree with your dh, not you!

Allinadaystwerk Thu 04-Jun-20 19:34:13

Id be moaning if i came in from work cooked dinner and tidied up everydsy without any help. In fact I do moan about it. Is this a reverse?

ethelredonagoodday Thu 04-Jun-20 19:34:58

Watching to see how this pans out... 😬

VodselForDinner Thu 04-Jun-20 19:35:02

Couldn’t blame him for moaning, his life sounds miserable.

ThePlantsitter Thu 04-Jun-20 19:36:12

Well I have ten children, work two full time jobs and still manage to v look nice for my husband when he gets in but I tend to find out what an OP's actual situation is before slagging her off for being a lazy - gasp! - SAHM.

Winterwoollies Thu 04-Jun-20 19:37:08

This has to be a wind up. No one is that obtuse. Are they?!

randomchap Thu 04-Jun-20 19:37:12

I think we need a few more details.

Do you do paid work on top of childcare? Does he cook every night, and clear afterwards? How are the rest of the household tasks split? Do you have equal free time?

If he's saying he has nothing to look forward to, how about planning something that he'll enjoy once lockdown is ended?

Horehound Thu 04-Jun-20 19:37:50

Dinner should be shared. Some nights you should do it and some nights he should. But even better..make larger portions and keep half for the next night or freeze.

Ohtherewearethen Thu 04-Jun-20 19:38:31

Yeah, I think your husband has a point. If your daughter was happily playing why couldn't you stick the tea on and tidy up? You're acting like a babysitter who's only there to watch your daughter. The rest of the work involved in running a house still need to be done and I don't think it's fair for your husband to be at work all day then having to come home and do all the housework too when you've been at home all day. He might as well be s single parent and get a babysitter in.

SteveTheSpiderPlantKiller Thu 04-Jun-20 19:39:25

I think we are all feeling a bit down and bored with lockdown, he is right in there isnt much to look forward to right now.

I am also a bit surprised he is making dinner after a full day at work. Couldn't he spend that time playing with your child, doing bath time maybe whilst you cook?

JesusInTheCabbageVan Thu 04-Jun-20 19:40:53

Why was he cheeky to ask what you and your DD did? So many questions, so little logic.

CobblersPose Thu 04-Jun-20 19:42:53

You've got it golden!

Happy0 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:47:21

Ah ok, sounds like I'm getting some home truths, which is cool. So I work 20hrs a week (he works 37.5). I do all housework including DIY & garden, our finances and plan days out; this includes packing car up night before/ making sure there's petrol. He does the food shop and cooks all dinners. I used to make the dinner but he said my portions were too small. He also feeds the cats. I look after DD when not at work and weekends is shared/ family time

OP’s posts: |
otterturk Thu 04-Jun-20 19:49:29

Why on earth should OP have to cook him dinner?! She's been looking after a small child all day; she's not a maid.

ScarletFever Thu 04-Jun-20 19:50:31

Oh god is this one of those shitty reserves??

Happy0 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:54:28

I think I thought he was being cheeky when he said is that all because I plan lovely things to do as a family, even more so doing lockdown. He said he had nothing to look forward to before so on VE Day I made scones and persuaded our neighbours each side to join us in our front gardens to have afternoon tea social distance style. I also hired a play set for DD so we all had something new to do. Our walk today took over 1 hour to walk 1/2 mile cause DD is at that age where she stops to pick up every rock. He knows this so what else can we do when a walk takes ages?

OP’s posts: |
MachineBee Thu 04-Jun-20 19:58:28

Difficult times for everyone at the moment. But it might help you both to stop seeing things as ‘my job’ or ‘his job’ and start seeing the chores as things that help each other as a family.

As a PP suggested, make bigger portions then there’s more if one of you wants seconds or you freeze what’s left to save on cooking another day.

Perhaps think of a few things you can do after dinner/DD bedtime that are a bit more interesting than TV. I realise you can’t go out at the moment, but you could look for something different online like dance lessons, a quiz, or get a board game out for two. Alternatively ask him what sort of things he’d like to do.

ChicCroissant Thu 04-Jun-20 19:58:59

You seem to be points scoring here OP, and that's always a bit of a warning sign to me. You have mentioned planning days out, but I'm wondering if they are more for your DD - like the play set.

SummerHouse Thu 04-Jun-20 19:59:21

plan days out; this includes packing car up night before/ making sure there's petrol.

The very thought of having all this to do is exhausting. Just waiting for the reverse reveal...grin

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