Just given husband some home truths

[Happy0]

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

[CrazyTimesAreOccurring]

He also feeds the cats

He WHAAATTT? You dont even feed the cats?

Wind up merchant OP

[fairlyplump]

Have to be honest you do sound a little lazy

[Bedroomdilemma]

It doesn’t sound that unequal to me, if OP is doing everything other than dinner and clear up. Just sounds like the dh is having a bad day, the drudgery of family life (especially on lockdown) can do it to us all.

[Oblomov20]

The drudgery of life gets to us all!

You need to cook bigger portions!

[Nancydrawn]

1. He clearly needs some sort of hobby. He is an adult so he can figure out what that is. Perhaps he can take up knitting. Or, more probably, do some sort of volunteering or family history or anything creative so he feels like he has purpose.
   

1. I tend to agree that one person shouldn't be doing all the cooking, seven days a week. We also have a strict rule in our household that the person who cooks doesn't wash up, and vice versa (with the coda that the chef isn't to make a million dirty pots and should clean as they go).
   

1. Can you do something together, either as a family or as a couple, during the time when he's normally watching tv? It seems quite a solitary existence otherwise, for both of you.

[Bunnyfuller]

I do not see ‘arranging lovely things’ as a chore. Make dinner ffs, proper cooked food.

[imsooverthisdrama]

This is totally a reverse!!
Dh works full time come home cooks dinner then cleans and does food shop oh and feeds cat .
The op looks after child and packs the car for days out which I imagine at the minute are rare .

[Thisismytimetoshine]

Ffs! You plan days out and pack the car (with what?) and he gets to do all the shopping and cook dinner every night?
It probably is one of those arsehole reverses - nobody is this dumb??

[alittlerespectgoesalongway]

I think your OP is finding lockdown hard more than anything else. Loads of people have hobbies and things they do which to improve their mood which they just can't do right now. And there is not always a substitute you can do at home so for many of us life right now is basically a bit shit. I think your OH may have just needed a bit of empathy with how he's feeling rather than a re-jigging of household jobs?

[ScarfLadysBag]

Are you all missing the bit where she said she did all other housework? So let's see: laundry, cleaning the floors, clearing up after every other meal, hoovering, cleaning the toilet, another hundred things that constitute housework.

Since when was making one meal a day and cleaning up that one meal the bulk of housework? I bloody wish!

[madcatladyforever]

We all go through bored periods but it's up to us if we are bored to do something about it. If I'm bored I'll find a new hobby or something. Lockdown isn't going to last forever, once it's over maybe time to plan a nice holiday or outing somewhere.
moaning at you is not going to make his life more exciting.

[Marnie76]

@otterturk

Why on earth should OP have to cook him dinner?! She's been looking after a small child all day; she's not a maid.

Is he then?

[RUOKHon]

If cooking dinner and clearing up in the evenings is literally the only thing he does, and OP does everything else, then he needs to suck it up like a grown up and stop whining.

[Billben]

Half the stuff you’ve listed as your jobs aren’t everyday things OP. I can’t believe that for the sake of cooking bigger portions you don’t even cook on your days off. There is no way I’d be cooking and cleaning up after a full days work if my DH was at home all day. And no, I don’t think that people can’t manage to cook 1 meal a day just because they’ve been looking after a DC all day. It’s just a feeble excuse.

[RussGellar]

MN where partners should pull their weight and be equal.
Also MN where the SAHM should have the dinner on the table because man has been at work all day and shouldn’t have to cook and clean up afterwards.

[Billben]

She’s been looking after a small child all day

As a mother/wife I find this excuse so pathetic 🙄

[momtoolliex]

I think you should at least do the cleaning up after dinner. My fiancé cooks every single night (completely his choice, he genuinely enjoys this - can't see why ) but I do the washing up, all the other cleaning etc. It is unfair for him to come from from work, do dinner, clear everything away, feed the cats etc I can see why he's a bit fed up if I'm honest, just let him have a moan we all do it at times!

[ScarfLadysBag]

Another thread that makes me grateful for my husband at least. I'm not his skivvy and he is not mine. We are two people who share our lives and household tasks. If I'm looking after DD and we are out all day (even, god forbid, having fun) and there are chores to do in the evening then we split them because we are a team and my looking after our DD during the day is enabling him to go to work in the first place, just like if it were the other way round then him being home would allow me to work.

Someone being at work doesn't absolve them of their usual household responsibilities. Plenty of people work and manage to cook dinner. What did he do pre-children? Presumably his fair share. So why does he suddenly get to do less now?

[Kay1341]

OP is doing the as-and-when tasks, whereas her partner is doing the every day grind. Can you not tidy up if he cooks? Or take up something else that's part of the weekly/daily tasks? In turn, your partner can pick up something from the more sporadic tasks.

It really shouldn't be this difficult, managing home should be based on a partnership.

[MamaFirst]

Why would you not at the very least, help clean up afterwards? I can't imagine letting my husband come home from working all day, to then let him be shut in the kitchen cooking and cleaning single handedly.
It sounds a miserable existence to me too.

[ScarfLadysBag]

@RussGellar Indeed. And she isn't even a SAHM anyway. It's depressing but not surprising. Although it's doubly depressing that it's on a site aimed at women and populated mainly by women. I just hope people are raising their sons to believe that domestic work is equally their task, not the first thing that can be ditched when a baby arrives because the woman will do it.

[BlessedBeTheFruitCake]

My DH will cook on his days off because he likes to, I do it the rest of the time. During lockdown I've been doing schoolwork etc with 4dc at home and don't expect DH to sort dinner and clear up when he gets in. His job is very physical/dirty though and needs to get showered when he comes home.

[Dashel]

It doesn’t sound like a good split of chores, but I wonder if the planning of days out entails doing things mostly for DD? Maybe he needs some of the entertainment and activities to be for him occasionally? When things are better like going on a steam train or whatever he is interested in. We have different interests but try to mix up the days out a bit.

You don’t say how old your DD is but maybe you could do some of the cooking together? Putting ingredients into a slow cooker or even the three of you making pizzas together?

[Marnie76]

@RussGellar

MN where partners should pull their weight and be equal.
Also MN where the SAHM should have the dinner on the table because man has been at work all day and shouldn’t have to cook and clean up afterwards.

Surely whoever is home first should cook the meal. That’s what happens in our house.

[Dk20]

@marnie76 that was exactly my thought, whoever is home first should put the dinner on.
I would be if I got home from work in the evening to find i had to cook dinner and dp had been home all afternoon and said all he did for the afternoon was go for a walk.
Make bigger portions OP and split the cooking 50/50 during the week. At least then the evening when he doesnt have to cook, he might have a bit more energy to do something that interests him.