Just given husband some home truths

[Happy0]

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

[RedskyAtnight]

He works does food shop and cooks because he wasn't happy with portions sounds slightly controlling.

DH cooking because OP is not doing it "right" just sounds like the opposite of the myriad of threads we have where the woman ends up doing (e.g.) the hoovering because her DH (e.g.) always misses bits. The conclusion in those threads is always that DH is deliberately doing it badly to get out of doing the task at all. Funny how that hasn't happened here. I'm not sure how wanting larger portions can be considered controlling? Surely it's more controlling to insist that food is limited?

[soruff]

You could show your DH the thread started yesterday about self worth, liking yourself and some personal development.
It might help him cope!

[Mittens030869]

But it sounds as if her DH points out every chore he does and the OP is doing the same. Like buying petrol and feeding the cats??? It's never occurred to me to decide who should be doing those jobs. The cats are hungry so you feed them, the car is low on petrol so you fill up on the way home.

I'm just not taking any of this seriously.

[jackie2669]

So you also work and look after child do all the cleaning and arranging .He works does food shop and cooks because he wasn't happy with portions sounds slightly controlling. You are not in the wrong and sounds like you are doing way more that what he is doing .I bet if you decided to cook he would spit his dummy out .

[agonyauntie2020]

hahahaha OP makes sure there's petrol for the odd day out, and potters around with DIY and then gets her dinners shopped for, cooked and cleaned up after.

But it took her (gasp) a whole hour to go for a walk with their child.

OP, come on!

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

The projecting on this thread is palpable.

Like sorry you all have useless shitbags of husbands who don't lift a finger but calling the OP lazy because her husband does more than yours holds no credibility and is painfully transparent

[LadyConstanceDeCoverlet]

I am truly shocked at how many people think OP's husband has it hard because he goes to work and 😱 does the cooking

The point is that he does a lot more than that. Read OP's posts.

[3cats]

Yes, you do sound lazy, OP. I make sure my house is immaculate before my husband comes home and the children are already in bed. I make him a lovely steak dinner and hand him his slippers and pipes when he walks in. I then listen to him as he tells me about his day and run him a bath.

Not really! I’m a lone parent. I do every fuck thing. No sympathy for anyone who thinks men shouldn’t pitch in when they get home from work and at weekends.

[Mittens030869]

Well if filling the car up with fuel on the way somewhere was worthy of listing separately, I can’t imagine the DIY projects are huge ...

No more ridiculous a chore to mention than telling us that her DH feeds the cats!! Surely you just feed the cats when they come asking for food?? They keep miaowing until you feed them.

Both chores are ridiculous to include really. I'd say they have a fair division of labour, but the OP's DH needs to be putting his DD to bed rather than doing the clearing up sometimes.

[LannieDuck]

You sound quite lazy to me

Wtf? She works PT, looks after their child and does 50% (?) of the chores.

He works FT and does 50% (?) of the chores.

Are you saying that working PT + looking after child doesn't = working FT?

[ManchNic]

I am truly shocked at how many people think OP's husband has it hard because he goes to work and 😱 does the cooking! Have we gone back in time?? The days I work are often much easier than being home all day, and my husband regularly works and cooks tea.

OP you have been sympathetic many times already, YANBU to tell him to do something about it himself if he is fed up.

Honestly, I am astounded that these are the responses in 2020 😞

[Whitney168]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

How much DIY do you all do?

I doubt she's re decorating or plastering every week is she? Wonder what the DIY actually consists of?

Well if filling the car up with fuel on the way somewhere was worthy of listing separately, I can’t imagine the DIY projects are huge ...

[vanillandhoney]

@QuestionMarkNow

That’s not men saying that though. It’s women on MN.....

Yeah, on threads where they have useless partners.

I have never, EVER heard a woman come on here and say they're okay with doing all the cooking/cleaning/shopping because their husband does all the DIY.

DIY is not a daily, weekly or even monthly job. Cooking and cleaning up needs doing daily, shopping weekly. No rational person would compare the two.

[QuestionMarkNow]

That’s not men saying that though. It’s women on MN.....

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@QuestionMarkNow

But but but... DIY is always mentioned as one of the important things that men do. That is always equivalent to women doing all the housework!!
So why is that the OP can't get away from cooking dinner because she is doing all the DIY too?

Well, if men use that argument they're wrong. Just as its wrong here, in my opinion.

Occasional odd jobs don't compare to daily, or even weekly, chores and I wouldn't accept my dh using an occasional unblocking of a gutter or fixing a ceiling fan as an excuse to not do household chores.

[vanillandhoney]

@QuestionMarkNow

But but but... DIY is always mentioned as one of the important things that men do. That is always equivalent to women doing all the housework!!
So why is that the OP can't get away from cooking dinner because she is doing all the DIY too?

No, that's an excuse lazy men come up with for why they don't do any housework.

I've never seen it used on these threads as a justifiable get-out clause for doing the housework.

[QuestionMarkNow]

But but but... DIY is always mentioned as one of the important things that men do. That is always equivalent to women doing all the housework!!
So why is that the OP can't get away from cooking dinner because she is doing all the DIY too?

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

How much DIY do you all do?

I doubt she's re decorating or plastering every week is she? Wonder what the DIY actually consists of?

[QuestionMarkNow]

OP's DH does all the shopping, and cooks dinner each night as well as clearing up afterwards. He also feeds the cats and splits everything 50/50 with OP at the weekend.

That's not that much.... Esp as she does all the DIY, the cleaning etc... Im pretty sure that applies to the weekend too. But at the weekend, her DH probably does half of the parenting (ish?)

[Mittens030869]

I just find it hard to believe that the cats don't come looking for food when the OP's DH isn't around.

[vanillandhoney]

For me, looking after my cats isn't a chore, I do it because I love having cats.

I agree it's not really a chore, but it's still something that needs to be done and that takes time. If OP can claim that checking the amount of petrol in the car is a job, I'm sure he can claim that feeding the cats is a one too

[vanillandhoney]

Also, did everyone miss the bit where the OP says she also works out of the home and takes care of every other chore in the house other than the main meal?

But she doesn't do everything else, does she?

OP's DH does all the shopping, and cooks dinner each night as well as clearing up afterwards. He also feeds the cats and splits everything 50/50 with OP at the weekend.

The problem is, the whole post seems really petty. Planning days out and making sure there's petrol in the car doesn't count as housework!

[Mittens030869]

I wouldn't even mention about who feeds the cats, though. Surely when you have cats, you respond when a cat comes to you and says 'Miaow'. More relevant is who treats them for fleas and worms or takes them to the vet?

For me, looking after my cats isn't a chore, I do it because I love having cats.

[Mittens030869]

I don't think the OP is lying on the sofa whilst her DH is clearing up. At that time of the evening, she'll be doing bath time and putting her DD to bed. But it would make sense if they took turns, as her DH is missing out on spending time with his DD. I think that's the point really. The rest of the division of labour isn't really relevant.

[Ferret27]

@Beingkindisfree ... you missed and does the washing up ... on your list