Just given husband some home truths

[Happy0]

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

To live with that kind of daily moaning about "I'm very disappointed with my life" when you're trying hard to make things work and make everyone happy grinds a person down. But hey maybe OP should start cooking and it'll all be better 🙄 honestly it's like reading the Daily Mail comments section

[Apple1029]

Well where have you been packing up so often to go to op?
People like you give sahm a bad name.
You sound lazy, especially listing tasks like packing up the car

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

@Apple1029 why does she give SAHM a bad name?! She isn't a SAHM!!

I think the packing up the car part was more about shes the one who peeps and makes sure they can have nice days out with everything going smoothly. So fucking what if it's not taking up much time - should women be martyring themselves and be a slave to their family 24/7?!

[snowybean]

I dunno, 37.5 hour work week isn't that long. You could easily make dinner and have time to do something exciting. Sounds like the evenings don't vary, so try mixing it up a bit. Either that or be needs a new job.

My DH does roughly 44 hours a week and makes dinner for us every night (and generally clears up), the only difference is that he enjoys doing it.

[Iorderedyouapancake]

Wtaf am I reading here?! Why are people fixating on the car packing comment and ignoring the part where OP says she does all the cleaning, laundry, gardening, diy etc in addition to working 20 hours and looking after a small child? And so what if he cooks every night- unless he’s some kind of cordon bleu chef I can’t imagine this takes more than about half an hour on average- and if they have a dishwasher (don’t recall seeing op mention washing up) then clearing up is a piece of piss anyway! In our household our chore split is pretty much the opposite - I do cooking and food shopping and DH does all the other things OP lists, and I know which one of us has it easy and it’s definitely not him (in fact my DH should probably LTB for being lazy ).

I’m also not sure why the only comments are about chores when from the OP that doesn’t sound like her DH’s issue anyway- he’s bored and down about lockdown, not complaining about cooking, and on that front OP I would personally be a bit more sympathetic, many of us are finding the current situation hard for different reasons and that’s ok.

[Bumpitybumper]

@managedmis
Just stay home! Stay safe!
No thanks it's perfectly ok to go to a beach as long as you act responsibly and adhere to social distancing, which we obviously did.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

@LannieDuck

YANBU - he needs to use some initiative and work out how to keep himself entertained during covid. A new hobby, or a new book series etc. It's not up to you to figure that out for him.

To be fair to the man, depending on what time he gets home from work, by the time he's cooked dinner, eaten it and cleaned up there's not much time left for a hobby is there?

[Shoxfordian]

Everyone feels grumpy about lockdown and routine sometimes. Doesn't seem like he has that bad a life really, maybe you can do something this weekend

[Graciebobcat]

you need to do half of the afterwork stuff as well

No she fucking doesn't. She works 20 hours a week and does all the cleaning and childcare, DH's contribition is to do the cooking.

[Bluemoooon]

Your husband comes home from work, makes tea then clears up?! Every night?!

Like nearly all women do. No flag waving for them.

Anyone whingeing about anything health, work, boredom - is a pita if they can't be arsed to do anything about it. It's just depressing living with people like this.

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

The biggest most time consuming chore in our house is shopping, cooking and clearing up after dinner. All of that is a lot to manage as well as a full time job. Not sure why he's complaining about eating junk food though - tell him to stop buying it!

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Is the op actually working now during lockdown?

Also, come on how often do you do DIY or gardening really?

Housework and laundry yes but she's not carrying the washing to the river and beating it with rocks is she? How long does it take to bung the washer on and then hang it out?

Could you swap some chores around - why can't he do the washing and you cook some nights?

Maybe he'd like to spend some time with his dd? He can't get much time if he's doing dinner and clearing up after work. Surely it's her bed time by then?

[Ohtherewearethen]

I don't know why people are crying Stepford Wives and sexism etc. It's only fair that the person who is at home the most does most of the household stuff while they are at home. Not all at all but it just makes things run more smoothly and means the parent who is out of the house the most gets to spend a bit more time with the children because they haven't got to come home, start dinner and clear up. The parent who is already at home should do those things so that they can then have time together/parent who has been with the child all day gets a break. It doesn't have to be a battle. Other household chores can be split accordingly to make sure no one is taken for granted.
It's the same with either parent at home. If OP's husband was at home all day and OP had to come home and cook you'd all be crying the same thing, that he was sexist expecting her to come home and cook and clean up. It's not always a battle of the sexes. Sometimes if just makes sense for each parent to take on particular roles because of their working patterns.

[SimonJT]

Hang on, so OP works 20 hours, does all housework, all childcare, all diy/gardening, sorts all family finances and make sure the children have nice days out.

Her partner goes shopping, cooks and feeds the cat.

Yet people seriously think she should also be doing the shopping, cooking and cleaning the kitchen.

How many people on here have a partner who feeds the family pet and does absolutely nothing else in the home and is happy with that set up?

[userabcname]

Agreed @SimonJT feel like I've fallen into a 50s time warp! DH works FT and I'm on mat leave- he often gets in and sorts dinner. Didn't realise that made me such a terrible wife!

[Kafferations]

Exactly!! Im on mat leave too and hubby is the same- he does get a bit fed up at times but dont we all! I do argue that i do all the night feeds and all the other housework. Theres some seriously nasty comments on here!

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Another one here whose husband does the weekly food shopping and all the cooking.

[pilates]

I do similar hours to you op but manage to prepare a meal for DH. He would then clear away and load dishwasher. The children are older now and so dishwasher is their job. If the roles were reversed I would expect him to do the same. Could you do the weekday meals and he cook at the weekend? Why are you eating junk food? YABU

[Apple1029]

Also, come on how often do you do DIY or gardening really?

Exactly or more laughable is packing up the car. People who add this to the 'list' of hard work they do are a joke.
I would be pissed off to come home after a full day at work, then cook and clean and sit down at 9pm with suggestions of finding meaningful things to do.
I say this as a sahm too.
Sort things out op so your dh gets to spend family time. He cooks some days and you do some. You just sound lazy.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Those of you who call the OP lazy because - despite the fact she works 20 hours a week, raises a toddler, does the vast majority of chores - she doesn't cook every night, ought to be ashamed and embarrassed of yourselves. The Daily Mail is that way, go, your sexism isn't wanted here.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

@Apple1029 once again the OP isn't a SAHM!

[Panicbuying]

@Apple1029 what are you cooking that means you wouldn’t sit down until 9?! Am beginning to think I must be missing something as lots of posters are making out that cooking dinner is a massive chore, it’s usually 30 minutes tops in this house unless I feel like making something fancy at the weekend. We have a dishwasher so clearing up is about 5 minutes max. DH definitely spends more time doing chores than I do over the course of the week and he does the same list of stuff as OP.

[SimonJT]

@Apple1029

Also, come on how often do you do DIY or gardening really?

Exactly or more laughable is packing up the car. People who add this to the 'list' of hard work they do are a joke.
I would be pissed off to come home after a full day at work, then cook and clean and sit down at 9pm with suggestions of finding meaningful things to do.
I say this as a sahm too.
Sort things out op so your dh gets to spend family time. He cooks some days and you do some. You just sound lazy.

She works 20 hours a week, she isn’t lazy.

I’m sure if you work 20 hours a week you won’t mind not sitting down until 9pm so that your partner doesn’t have to do anything.

[mudpiemaker]

I think when you are the one shopping and making dinners all the time it does become relentless. I say this as a SAHM for over 15 years.

DH does come home and cook occasionally after working a full time job. So it is nice for someone to cook a meal for you. I think that is what the OP's husband is getting at. Not a return to the 1950s, just a meal, maybe once or twice a week.

A slow cooker and a "dump dinner" could make his life a bit happier. Hardly difficult to step up to and do. If OP's portions were too small the solution was to make them bigger.

[SimonJT]

@Casino218

So you are doing all the nice stuff and he's working full time and doing the shit stuff. No wonder he's moaning. In truth op are you a bit lazy?

Yeah, shes so lazy she works 20 hours a week, does all the childcare, all of the housework, handles all finances, diy, gardening and any family activities.

Her poor husband must be run off his feet cooking once a day, giving a kitchen a quick wipe and doing a food shop. Poor poppet.