Just given husband some home truths

[Happy0]

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

[newyearnoeu]

I'm sorry but:

"making sure there's petrol" ?!?!?!?!

Ah yes, such an onerous task....that half a second glance at the dashboard. A task that 'days out' cannot be completed without....god forbid you had to stop and refuel at any point!

If you are real OP then dear god. If this is a reverse and something your DH has ACTUALLY SAID to you at any point then....wow.

[crispysausagerolls]

YABU for thinking that planning trips out and packing the car is any sort of job. Wtf

[Disquieted1]

It's a psychological thing I think. It is hard to come home from work every single day to start peeling spuds when your OH has been home all day/afternoon.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

If this is in any way real, then I think your DH has a point. The tasks you list are not equatable to working full time, then coming home to make dinner and clear up.

And the packing the car and checking if there's petrol is farcical if that's considered 'a job'.

[Bleepbloopblarp]

plan days out; this includes packing car up night before/ making sure there's petrol

Sorry, but who puts that much planning into a day out? Do you never just get up and think “ooh, we’ll go here today?” and hop in the car? And maybe just, like, stop at a petrol station on the way? Are you always so anal?

[RedskyAtnight]

You haven't said how old DD is, but I'm guessing fairly young. Your "lovely things" to do as a family are therefore necessarily fun for her, but not really particularly fun for the adults involved. Do you ever do anything just the two of you?

I agree that dinner should be a shared activity. Plus, if DH has been out at work all day, wouldn't it be nice for him to spend some 1 on 1 time with DD while you cook? I can't see why making a bit more is particularly difficult?

though, tbh he might just be fed up of lockdown and having a general moan. I usually have a day about once a week where I just can't stand it any more and everything is wrong.

[Colom]

Wow the poor MAN has to make dinner... how ghastly for him! How many mums do just that without anyone feeling sorry for them?!

OP does all the rest of the housework and looks after their child while also working part time. I'm agog that anyone would consider that "lazy". Serious sexism on this thread. Presumably mostly from women too - how depressing!

[Kafferations]

God what a nasty bunch of women on this thread!! This is not the 1960s where women have to have dinner on the table, everything pristine, make-up on and cleavage out for hubby coming home! Why shouldnt he help with dinner and tidying up?! My hubby also helps with this but not every night in fairness!

Anyway thats beside the point, i think most people are struggling with everything being so "boring" and samey with nothing to look forward to. I totally get it and let him sulk, its hard for everyone right now. One thing weve done recently which has helped is take it in turns to go and exercise in the evenings - he plays basketball and i go for a cycle.

[JudyCoolibar]

I don't really understand why your allegedly small portions mean that your husband has to make dinner, let alone why that also means that he has to clear up and do all the food shopping. Small portions are surely easily rectifiable?

What does your partner do at the weekends?

[SapphireSeptember]

Some people really aren't getting it. OP has a job, does all the housework and childcare, and yet she should still cook dinner on top of that? When she did do the cooking her DH moaned about it. Obviously your DH is bored and a bit fed up because of lockdown, but we all are! Personally I'd be telling him to read a book.

[RedskyAtnight]

I don't think anyone is saying that OP should cook every night. Just that she should maybe cook sometimes, and perhaps DH could take over packing up the car (or some other job) instead.

[sst1234]

OP, you are getting a home truths for good reason. You response almost sounds like a wind up. When did planning days out become an equivalent chore to cooking, tidying up all the other boring but essential stuff.

[ChrissyPlummer]

Maybe we’re odd but it goes like this in our house (I work F/T shifts and DH retired):

Cooking - pretty much split, if I’m on late shift then DH will cook or I’ll pick up a takeaway on the way home. On early shift we just kind of do it together.

Housework - DH does it all; I hate it and said I’d pay for a cleaner. He isn’t keen on this and so chooses to do it all.

Days out - if it’s a nice day we’ll say “Should we go to the coast/shopping/countryside?” Get the dog in his harness for the car, get his lead and food, get our coats, I’ll grab my handbag and we’ll go. In other words, everything I’d get (apart from the dog) if I was going to work/supermarket/my parents. If we need petrol, we’ll pull into a petrol station and buy some.

[Beebeeboo2]

YABU

[Samtsirch]

OH and I take turns regarding the responsibility for the evening meal.
I cook one day, he cooks the next, and so on.
If one of us has had a difficult / tiring day it’s perfectly acceptable to order a take away or whip up soup and bread or beans on toast.
The same applies to house work / pet care ; we aim to share equally but if one of us is struggling for whatever reason, the other will pick up the slack.
It’s team work, not a competition, and communication helps an awful lot.

[BeingKindIsFree]

Are people being deliberately obtuse?? Of course they are, this is MN.

So OP;
Works 20 hours a week
Does all the cleaning
Does all the gardening
Does all the DIY
Does all the household admin including finances
Does all the childcare
Plans and facilitates all days out

The husband;
Works 37.5 hours a week
Cooks each day
Does food shopping
Goes on days out he hasn't had to lift a finger for including not having to put petrol in the car or even put a bag in.

Yeah, he has it really rough.

Any other thread the OP would be being told they do all the wifework and the man should be doing more.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I really don’t understand why you’re getting a hard time here. I don’t think you would on another day, it’s just sometimes a case of who posts first.

You work, have a young dd to look after (at the same time as working) and taking care of allot of the family stuff. It sounds like you’re an excellent Mum and try to make a lovely life for your dd. Those are no small things!

Your DH insisted on doing the cooking so I’m not sure how you could be blamed!

Lots of people are finding lockdown hard - I had a week of feeling extremely gloomy and then came out of it again. He’s probably the same. It is hard.

Women shouldn’t be berated for being able to have a lovely day with a child and feeling relaxed about it!

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

And packing up the car for a day out with a very small child is a job! All the remembering you have to do is something worth noting.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

And packing up the car for a day out with a very small child is a job!

Is it really? I must have been doing it wrong all these years...

[Thisismytimetoshine]

What on earth needs to be packed into the car for a day out?! You don't exactly need camping equipment or suitcases if you're returning to sleep in your own bed.
Don't people with small children have changing bags on the go the whole time?

[Soontobe60]

How old is your child OP?
What hours is your DH out of the house?
What hours are you out of the house?
Why can't you cook the meal whilst your DH spends time with your dc?

At the moment, my DH sounds very much like your DH in that he's unhappy with life as all he does is goes out to work and come home. (I cook all the meals as I'm at home all day). He's quite depressed and I'm quite worried.

[Bumpitybumper]

@Thisismytimetoshine
It took me over an hour to prepare for a day at the beach recently as we needed:
Swimsuits, sunhats and suncream
Packed lunches and drinks plus snacks (children's packed lunches take longer to prepare as need to cut up grapes etc)
Towels
Sand toys
Tent to pitch on beach to provide shade
Change bag

Admittedly a lot of the time was spent finding things we hadn't used for a while that had been buried at the bottom of the shed/airing cupboard but I always find preparing for activities with kids takes much longer than you think. You inevitably find something has gone missing or no longer fits etc meanwhile one of the children has emptied out the bag you just packed as you were distracted with helping the other one use the toilet.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

You seriously did pack a tent! 🤣

[LannieDuck]

YANBU - he needs to use some initiative and work out how to keep himself entertained during covid. A new hobby, or a new book series etc. It's not up to you to figure that out for him.

[Colom]

I remember when mine were tiny having to pack a bag was a pain in the arse. Making sure you have enough nappies/wipes/spare clothes. Make sure you've packed food and drinks incase you get stuck and end up with a hangry child. Remembering dummy's/blankets/favorites toys if needed to distract them.

It's not a major job but it's a task nonetheless. I would be running around getting it all together, getting the DC ready and trying to get on the road in time for naps etc. while my husband would be having a leisurely shit in the toilet and would only reappear when we were all ready and buckled in the car

It was definitely a job!