Just given husband some home truths

[Happy0]

I've had a lovely day, our daughter is happy playing and my husband comes home from work moaning. He said he feels like he gets up, goes to work, comes home, makes dinner, clears up, watches TV while eating junk food then goes to bed. He's said this a few times before and I've always been supportive. Tonight, I said to him that he has plenty of time after dinner and maybe he should do something productive to feel better. He carried on moaning so I told him if he feels his life has no meaning that's his fault and to do something about it. He's now sulking. He said due to the lockdown he has nothing to look forward too and then had the cheek to ask what me and DD did this afternoon and when I said we went for a walk he replied is that all?!.
Am I BU for telling him to get a grip?

[FreakStar]

Are there really families where nobody does anything for anyone else? Only on MN do I hear people suggest this should be the case.

[Josette77]

He cooks and cleans up??

[Karenista]

What’s a reverse?

[ChicCroissant]

A reverse is an attempt by the OP of a thread to manipulate the responses. So in this case, it would be the OP doing the cooking.

[StayinginSummer]

I don’t think posters are getting it!

As usual some small detail is held up out of context.

OP is sad because her DH seems fed up and is dragging her down. If it was just about doing the dinner then they could talk about doing the dinner shared. But I think it is more about he doesn’t seem to be enjoying time with her and their child?

[Beautiful3]

I'm a sahm and my husband works 40 hours, shift work. I always clean/tidy up and make dinner. When I used to work, dinner and house jobs were split evenly. I think you ought to make some dinners for him and help him tidy up.

[TryingToBeBold]

You do know DIY and Gardening doesnt exactly take up all the time in the world every day?

Plan days out? Pack the car? Again.. this isnt an everyday thing..

[Murraygoldberg]

I think you are counting up who does what far too much, ensuring you have petrol? As long as you have enough to get to the closest filling station, no one needs to do anything

[Finewine1976]

Your poor husband. I'd love to be home as much as you are. I cook my family gorgeous meals and keep house beautiful in the hope he lets me take early retirement!

[QueSera]

Personally if I were working full-time at a job and then making dinner and cleaning up every day, I'd be pissed off too. Yes you are looking after your DD, but surely at least some days you could make dinner. Why couldn't you make dinner this evening (aside from the portion issue)? I am currently working part-time and looking after DC, but I try to make dinner as often as I can as OH works full-time.

But yes this reads like a reverse, because OP it seems too implausible that you think this is acceptable and that you are in the right.

[MashedSpud]

Who feeds the cats when he’s at work?

If your portion size was too small for him wouldn’t the solution be to cook larger portions? Even if it was only twice a week it would break up the monotony of his routine.

[wildcherries]

Why was he cheeky to ask what you and your DD did?

I wondered the same. It all does sound pretty dire. But everyone's a bit fed up now, which doesn't help.

[Toilenstripes]

What a nice life you have.

[Immigrantsong]

Could you consider help6him batch cook and then not have to worry about any meals during the week? Or potentially suggesting some easy meals for some days, like beans on toast, burgers and chips (frozen put in oven ready)...
OP it is easy getting angry and arguing. Try to see him as your team mate.
He sounds like a good man.

[NCagainwhenwhenwhen]

It's hard to judge what other people's lives entail. OP says she works 20 hours and does all the housework, plus looking after DD when she's home, so that's fairly full time even without the DIY and gardening, and evening meal.

I am in a similar situation where I am expected to organise everything - from family birthdays, holidays, dentist etc appointments for all including DH, when the car MOT is due etc. I do sometimes moan at DH for not taking responsibility for some of his life - I'm not his mother or his secretary! That said - he does do other stuff so does pull his weight.

OP - I think you both need to sit down and look at what hours you spend doing all of these things, and try to agree a mutually acceptable split. It's easy to feel resentment if the other person seems to have more fun time than you - hopefully you can make him see what you do spend time on, and both come to an agreement. Good luck!

[SpilltheTea]

DIY, gardening, planning days out and packing the car isn't exactly the same as working 2x as much as you, cooking and cleaning up every day. He's probably bored shitless of the tediousness of it all, but that's life I suppose. I think you should take on half the cooking and cleaning up duties.

[ScarfLadysBag]

Why shouldn't he make dinner and clear up? My DH comes home from work and participates in chores. Why on earth wouldn't he? Having a child hasn't suddenly absolved him of household responsibilities. Lucky men if having a child means you suddenly have to do even less than you did before!

Surely in most households when people are both present in the house they share the work that then needs to be done? Presumably he then gets the rest of his evening free to do whatever he likes with?

[Dozer]

He was unfair for moaning, but his thoughts / feelings are understandable given covid circumstances.

[Italiangreyhound]

OP I think your dh has a point. I completely understand why he is not happy. How about an open and frank discussion and a better division of the work?

Good luck, lockdown is tough of lots of people, find a way to work it out (IMHO).

[pinktaxi]

I think we are all frayed round the edges so he probably is just letting off steam. Maybe if he cooks, you can clear away?

[Aquamarine1029]

I think it would be good to take on half the dinners in order to help alleviate some of his frustration. He could come home from work and take your child out for a walk to burn off some steam.

[EggysMom]

It sounds more to me as though he hasn't any ideas as to what he can do after dinner, so simply lazes on the sofa watching television until bedtime ... Does he have an interest that he could develop into a hobby?

[Juliet2014]

He came home from work in a grump.

It’s happened to us all.

No need to add fuel to the flames. Just say that you hope he feels happier tomorrow and then watch TV / read.

[ScarfLadysBag]

It sounds like he's more fed up about the drudgery of daily life, anyway and that every day is the same. Maybe he needs to find a hobby or something to do other than TV every night.

[Interestedwoman]

Even if this is a reverse, you're right, it's not you're job to entertain him, and if he's struggling that much with lockdown he needs to speak to his GP and/or a therapist- you don't have to be his therapist or emotional punching bag.