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Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

(219 Posts)
tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:01:36

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

Llareggub Wed 20-May-20 22:03:57

He isn’t a random though is he? He’s worked for the family for 20 odd years, you say.

If the house is so big can’t you all stay there?

Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-May-20 22:05:37

Have they gone mad?

Istwowyes17262 Wed 20-May-20 22:08:51

Won’t your DH being driving back to London too?its a weird one... surely if it’s big enough can’t you all stay there? If it’s only for a night different bedrooms?!

Idododoidadada Wed 20-May-20 22:08:52

Well being as the rules are that you can’t spend overnight anywhere except your primary residence then everyone should stay put really.

Parmavioletmum Wed 20-May-20 22:11:15

Can't he just stay in the annexe? If the work needs doing regardless, it's not different to your pil isolating in there for a single overnight, or you guys move into the annexe for 48 hours while he completes the work.

Windyatthebeach Wed 20-May-20 22:11:19

Why is fil organising stuff at your home?

tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:12:08

Sorry was so upset didn't explain properly. It's both me and DH driving home for the night and coming back tomorrow afternoon.

And the reason for this...the HANDYMAN doesn't feel safe sleeping in the same house as us yet doesn't want to drive 1 hour home and come back tomorrow

It feels insane to me that FIL cares more about what the handyman wants and wishes over his own son and his pregnant dil

tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:13:30

@Lla yes he has been with them for 20 years but that shouldn't trump the safety and convenience of his own son and future grandchild

Waveysnail Wed 20-May-20 22:14:14

Your living in fil house so his rules unfortunately. If dh driving I dont really see the problem

tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:14:24

@Windyatthebeach it's their house in the country where we are staying. And FIL has chosen to prioritise the wishes of a handyman versus me/us

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Wed 20-May-20 22:15:29

Handyman in the annex-you stay in the main house. Sorted!

Sunbird24 Wed 20-May-20 22:16:27

Could the handyman not stay in the annexe or do your PIL have the only keys?

CatFaceCats Wed 20-May-20 22:16:34

Could your DH drive? It’s not your house, so I think it’s up to his parents really.

tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:16:47

@Waveysnail I am upset because we do so much for PIl and care deeply for them and in this instance we can see their true feelings that in the ranking of importance they place the convenience, safety and wishes of some laborer that mows their lawn and fixes their fixtures over their own children.

We had no problems with him staying in the annex. He was the one that didn't want us around

StCharlotte Wed 20-May-20 22:16:50

Can't your DH go alone if someone has to go?

Janleverton Wed 20-May-20 22:17:38

It’s not that far. You won’t be driving. It’s not your house.

But - as a pp said, why can’t you move into The annexe for the night?

Crunchymum Wed 20-May-20 22:19:04

How pregnant are you? Heavily means different things to different people.

Obviously if you are 40w then you stay put so you are near your hospital.

I don't understand the set up here at all, are you guests? Renting?

StCharlotte Wed 20-May-20 22:19:28

Sorry just re-read your OP and realised I missed the point. Sorry!

Houseworkavoider Wed 20-May-20 22:19:39

Could it be that the handyman is prioritising your health as a pregnant woman?
1.5 hours isn’t that long to sit in the car so long as you feel up to it -I would have been in a huge amount of pain in two out on my three pregnancy’s.

tally79 Wed 20-May-20 22:19:52

It's done. We are already back home. This happened this afternoon. We offered all sorts of solutions to FIL and he kept saying no, (George) says he doesn't feel comfortable being in the house with you so we have to respect his wishes.

And we said, well why can't he go sleep at home and come back tomorrow. FIL said, he says it's too long of a drive for him to do 2 days back to back so he needs to sleep here.

Wtf? (George) is getting paid to do a job. This isn't like he is doing us a favor helping out. Why would you put him over your own family

boojames Wed 20-May-20 22:20:14

How fucking tough this must be for you. Two houses to bounce from while. The handy man pops in. Wise up

Heronwatcher Wed 20-May-20 22:20:22

This all sounds a bit odd. How pregnant are you? Would your partner not drive? 1.5 hours isn’t that far really and if it’s their house, they do get the final say. I think that handymen are allowed to work now although obviously they should observe social distancing. Can’t you go into the annexe and clean it before your parents in law arrive and get the handyman to clean before you go back in where he has been working/ sleeping. You do sound a little bit precious and I can see why your PIL might not want to spend a long time in a house with lots of jobs which need to be done driving them mad when they have the opportunity to get them sorted out (older people may be locked down for many months).

ConstantlySeekingHappiness Wed 20-May-20 22:20:30

It’s their house. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You sound very over the top.

If you’re not happy with what they choose to do with their own property you and DH can always just stay at home.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 20-May-20 22:20:37

I'm sorry, but it's outrageous that any person would demand that their heavily pregnant DIL leave home in the midst of a pandemic so that a handyman can stay overnight. I don't care if they've known him 50 years. It's absurd.

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