Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

AIBU?

To be sick of neighbours shopping

210 replies

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:01

Just that really. Neighbour is early 80’s and extremely nimble, me and my DH really feel for him. He has no family but plenty of friends and a usually active social life. Problem being all his friends are a similar age. He is shielding himself.

At the beginning of this whole thing we asked if he needed any help. He readily accepted and asked us to nip to the post office (for stuff that needed to go to the counter), post letters. I did some shopping. DH was going to ask a few more neighbours if they needed help but decided against it as we soon realised how time consuming it is.

He’s totally computer literate and fortunately I introduced him to a milk delivery service which he seems to be using.

Now we’re a bit further into this crisis, DH is still working, I’m at home with a one year old and trying to work in a job which requires a lot of attention to detail. My boss is fantastic and I’m picking my hours up in the evening. Also have a DSS who is here on DH’s days off and has extra needs so quite full on. So there’s no spare time.

I keep letting the neighbour know when we’re picking things up and including him in our shop. He added some items to our online shop but of course I can’t get anymore slots now.

We had a shop delivered Tuesday, I let him know I was going to the local supermarket Friday, he said he didn’t need anything but he would give me a list.

He’s now given me a list. I don’t want to go shopping again. He seemed disappointed I don’t have any online slot. There aren’t any online slots! I’ll have to take DS, DH is at work and I only went the day before last. I have underlying health conditions, as does DSS and we’re trying to avoid going out more than we need to.

I think the elderly don’t appreciate the gravity of the situation and think we’re immune rather than less at risk.

OP posts:

Report

Alsohuman · 04/04/2020 07:07

Here we go, another “elderly” bashing thread.

plunkplunkfizz · 04/04/2020 07:08

Have you extrapolated your experience of one neighbour to every single elderly person? Or do you have some other experience?

Potionqueen · 04/04/2020 07:08

Just tell him you’ll only shop for him when you do your own shopping. Don’t risk another trip for him.

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:09

Obviously I’ve met other elderly people plunkplunkfizz what sort of a stupid question is that?

OP posts:

Goawayquickly · 04/04/2020 07:09

Everything you have written suggests this man is very capable but is taking you up on things you have offered and now you’re moaning about it.

PippaPegg · 04/04/2020 07:10

You told him you were going shopping on Friday and offered to get him items.. now you're annoyed he said yes and gave you a list?

Really?

Put boundaries around helping if it's pissing you off. E.g. we are doing a weekly shop at , give me a list and we will try to get things for you. Make it clear you are not able to go to multiple shops.

Also signpost him to whatever local groups exist to support him.

Bananacloud · 04/04/2020 07:11

What actually seems to be the problem?
You offered help, he accepted and now you’re pissed off because... why?

Mumdiva99 · 04/04/2020 07:12

Yesterday was Friday - when you told him you'd be going shopping. So he gave you a list as discussed. Why didn't you pick his stuff up like you agreed? I'm confused. Sorry. It's only 7am so I don't think he's bought you the list this morning....

TW2013 · 04/04/2020 07:12

Can you suggest that although you can't get delivery slots he might be able to and get him to register for a supermarket prioritising older people?

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:12

I’m happy to do some shopping for him. But not happy to have to do extra trips when I’m not already shopping. I asked on Friday. It’s now Sunday. He’s had two opportunities in a week, surely a third is unnecessary.

I am moaning, I’m fed up now. As we all are. I will of course carry on doing his shopping rather than see him starve but shall moan because it’s all getting on top of me!

Do I take my one year old today? I won’t have another opportunity without him.

OP posts:

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:13

@Mumdiva99

I asked him if he needed anything Friday, he said no. But would organise a list. I think it’s stretching when someone offers on a Friday and you ask them to again on a Sunday.

OP posts:

Mumdiva99 · 04/04/2020 07:14

It is not Sunday. It is early Saturday morning....

Goawayquickly · 04/04/2020 07:15

Well, it’s Saturday not Sunday, just tell him you’ll add his bits to the next shopping trip.

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:15

I don’t even know what day of the week it is

It was the day before last. So must have been Thursday. I too have been up since 430 with a grotty toddler!

OP posts:

Jokie · 04/04/2020 07:16

@TriangleBingoBongo: today is Saturday if I'm not mistaken?

Chemenger · 04/04/2020 07:17

It’s Saturday, yesterday was Friday, the day you said you would go shopping for him. I’m not following your story.

GoldBoo · 04/04/2020 07:17

This is brilliant. It is definitely Saturday today OP.

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/04/2020 07:18

Yes I’ve gotten mixed up with my days.

Thursday I went to the shop, today is Saturday.

OP posts:

Mumdiva99 · 04/04/2020 07:19

So...as you don't know what day it is. Let's review the message. You told him you would shop Friday (yesterday) - so the gave you a list (yesterday) expecting that you would do as you said and get his shop with yours. I don't think your neighbour is being unrealistic or overly demanding. You offered and he said yes.

TheTrollFairy · 04/04/2020 07:19

If he’s computer literate then get him to apply for the shopping help through the government website. I’m sure places like tesco are prioritising their slots for people who are shielding!

Troels · 04/04/2020 07:19

Just tell him you are unable to go often, you can only go weekly as you and Ds have your own issues and you are working from home and need to complete it so you don't lose you job and income.
Give him a day in advance and say make a list for x day when I go for my own food, until then you won't be going anywhere. I'm doing this with my Mum who's 80. She can get milk and bread from the papershop delivered with her paper as needed by calling the shop the night before. (which she does)
Speak plainly I'm sure he'll understand.

Mumdiva99 · 04/04/2020 07:19

Typo...he gave you a list. ( Not the)

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

FTMF30 · 04/04/2020 07:19

Maybe next time give him a bit more time to put a list together. It might be difficult to think of things on the spot. Also, it's not Sunday.

Lefkosia · 04/04/2020 07:19

Just tell him you can't be arsed with him anymore. Simples.

Inmyivorytower · 04/04/2020 07:20

I think a lot of people who quite fancied themselves as Angels of Mercy to the elderly and vulnerable are finding it much harder work than they expected, with less appreciation and recognition that they want and real people to deal with who can be irritating.
Set boundaries, be calm and polite.
Make yourself a tinsel halo and wings, so that others know how selfless you are

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.