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How much should your partner earn....

(366 Posts)
nonwonderwoman Wed 19-Feb-20 23:49:12

I have always been ambitious but my DH has outstripped my earnings by at least double check in the last 5 years.
This hasn't generally bothered me as I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work. However my DH has recently been awarded a salary of £215k + .
The feminist in me wants to keep going to work and building my reputation and professional life but the realist in me wonders whether to give up my job and start enjoying a simple life. ABUR?

KellyHall Wed 19-Feb-20 23:52:53

Do what will make you happy as a human being.

Personally I don't feel that work is really real life, I think that's what happens outside of work.

I am an accountant, I plan to complete my studies over the course of my entire working life and retire fairly comfortably. I am currently working part-time in a shop while my dd is little, so that I maximise my time with her.

PolPotNoodle Wed 19-Feb-20 23:53:37

Christ what job does he do?

I'd still go to work regardless of how much money my partner earned, if I won the lottery etc. I'd be bored shitless otherwise.

NotNowPlzz Wed 19-Feb-20 23:54:21

Don't give up your earning power to rely on anyone else would be my advice, not even DH.

Newkitchen123 Wed 19-Feb-20 23:55:10

How much my other half earned would be irrelevant to me

fairynick Wed 19-Feb-20 23:56:51

I would quit my job in a heartbeat, but I don’t have much of a career and there are so many other things that I’d rather spend my time on than working making somebody else money!

BigChocFrenzy Wed 19-Feb-20 23:57:09

Has the realist in you also checked that you would cope financially if your DH changed you in for a new model,
or became financially abusive - behaviour can change greatly when one partner changes from being financially independent to dependent

Ellisandra Wed 19-Feb-20 23:58:14

What is “realist” about that? There’s no reason that you can’t continue your career as it is. What he earns makes no difference to that - so it just seems odd to say the realist in you.

Of course, having a wealthy husband potentially gives you options. That’s not about feminism.

I’d advise you to (a) stop putting labels on everything (b) just do whatever job you actually want to do (c) be pleased if his earnings allow you more flexibility for (b) and (d) make your decisions with the caveat that marriage is very often not forever.

nonwonderwoman Thu 20-Feb-20 00:00:16

The realist in me knows that it can all change in a heartbeat. My very wise grandmother said to me 'never rely on a man for money'. She was a teacher and a hard ass and I loved her very much. It's mainly her wise words that keep me going to work plus my fear that I will be bored of the humdrum of being a SAHM.

RachelEllenRE Thu 20-Feb-20 00:08:30

I would definitely stop work if my husband earned that amount!

LellyMcKelly Thu 20-Feb-20 00:08:47

Never ever rely on other people to earn your money for you, not until you know you’ll be comfortable if anything happens. By all means go part time, do Consultancy, do a course, but once you stop earning you lose your independence in a very fundamental way. Keep your skills and experience up to date in case you ever want or need to use them again. Things to think about:
What happens if he loses his job, or gets ill, or runs off with someone else? What will you do with your days given you can afford cleaners, etc. and you’re clearly bright and have useful skills and experience? How will your DH feel about you giving up work?

crustycrab Thu 20-Feb-20 00:11:10

215k? What exactly is he doing? Can't be the surprise you're making out tbh, he must've been a high earner before

alohamore Thu 20-Feb-20 00:14:26

I think even if we won millions I'd still work. I love my job! Even on mat leave I couldn't wait to get back!

marashino Thu 20-Feb-20 00:15:29

There is no should about it, they earn what they earn. Having a job that makes you happy is what matters.

Potkettlexx Thu 20-Feb-20 00:15:57

Go for spa days and take me! 😂

twelveminutespast Thu 20-Feb-20 00:17:06

Just out of interest, what profession is he in? 215k is shock

nonwonderwoman Thu 20-Feb-20 00:18:36

No not a surprise, he has always earnt more than me but we have been together since uni, so he generally

anotherlittlechicken Thu 20-Feb-20 00:21:29


What job does he do? VERY few jobs earn £215K a year.

You've been asked 4 times now. So what job does he do?

anotherlittlechicken Thu 20-Feb-20 00:22:27


Are you busy googling 'jobs/careers that pay £215K a year?' wink

nonwonderwoman Thu 20-Feb-20 00:22:39

Used to earn double - me £30k take home, and him £60k etc but his latest pay outstrips me by over double my salary which I have felt as a real disincentive to keep going.
I work full time but have a lot of juggling childcare wise.

LonginesPrime Thu 20-Feb-20 00:22:49

I have earned well in the legal profession and developed an excellent reputation at work

Do you enjoy your career? Would you rather be doing something else?

I wouldn't share my career around what my partner earns - focus on what you want out of life and aim towards that.

nonwonderwoman Thu 20-Feb-20 00:23:30

He works in consultancy at a big 4 accountancy firm.

Ellisandra Thu 20-Feb-20 00:25:50

Why do you have to juggle, for childcare? As a couple, you earn far more than enough to never have to juggle.

Ellisandra Thu 20-Feb-20 00:28:09

I find your attitude that his earnings are a disincentive for you. It sounds like your job was a means to an end to “be a successful feminist” (defined in the narrowest terms of Earning Money) and his salary has pissed all over yours, in the competition. Now you can’t win, you don’t want to play. If you like your career, do it. If you don’t - don’t. It shouldn’t be about his salary.

nonwonderwoman Thu 20-Feb-20 00:29:37

For clarity I earn £70k+ in legal but I'm getting to the point where I don't necessarily want to earn more and can still keep my level of flexibility for the 2 primary aged kids. I get what everyone is saying about independence and that's one of the key things from keeping me from handing in my notice - but it just doesn't feel worth my sacrifice at the mo.

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