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To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

(745 Posts)
Musicalstatues Thu 19-Sep-19 09:21:23

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

FamilyOfAliens Thu 19-Sep-19 09:24:06

Unless he’s worried you’ll be hung over at work, he’s being a knob.

BadLad Thu 19-Sep-19 09:25:43

I agree with you, but I have seen two glasses in one night described as bingeing on here, so you will get plenty of people checking you into the Betty Ford clinic for your three.

HavelockVetinari Thu 19-Sep-19 09:26:23

YANBU, but since this is MN you'll very soon get the crowd of head-tilters suggesting you're and out-and-out alcoholic despite being well within he weekly recommended limits. grin

WaterSheep Thu 19-Sep-19 09:26:31

I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker

I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night
on Saturdays... I usually have a couple of glasses
maybe another one at home.

Perhaps it's just me and my friendship group, but this seems like quite a lot each week.

MindyStClaire Thu 19-Sep-19 09:27:06

Well, as you say, three large glasses is a whole bottle. And over a single meal isn't over that long a period of time, as opposed to over the whole day at a wedding or Christmas or something. I don't see an occasional overindulgence as being a big deal and it doesn't sound like you have an unhealthy attitude to drinking.

But I know that if I drank that much (probably only a few times a year, tops, and over a longer period of time like at a wedding) I would have a sore head the next day, would definitely be tipsy and overemotional, and if sober DH and I had an argument (extremely rare) it would likely be because of me overreacting while tipsy.

So... I think you're both right.

onanothertrain Thu 19-Sep-19 09:28:08

3 large glasses of wine is a bottle.

Musicalstatues Thu 19-Sep-19 09:28:12

familyofaliens I have to be up to get the kids to school but no work until midday so definitely not that!

Teddybear45 Thu 19-Sep-19 09:28:26

Honestly I find drinking a bottle of wine by yourself (with or without a meal) really excessive. Do you do it often? If not then it isn’t a problem but if you’re chugging 3+ bottles a week then it clearly is

NoSauce Thu 19-Sep-19 09:29:21

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to ask if you feel ok after drinking a bottle of wine, no!

EmmaStone Thu 19-Sep-19 09:29:54

But if the 3 large glasses were about the same as a bottle, then yes, you did consume a bottle of wine, it's just semantics of downing it - I'd probably use similar terminology, and I DO drink. And I would likely feel it the next day, so the query wouldn't be too much of a leap.

But if the way it was said was to make you feel bad (rather than just a statement of fact, or a bit jokey), then that's a bit different.

And would you have normally had the mini-row if you'd been sober? If not, then yes, it would have been because of your drinking.

I think there's some over-reacting going on here, but it's difficult without hearing both sides who it is.

Musicalstatues Thu 19-Sep-19 09:30:59

onanothertrain I know that I did say that in my post, but to me downing a bottle is saying that I just sat there pouring it down my throat rather than drinking 3 glasses with food over 2.5 hours. It’s the implication I find annoying!

PrincessHoneysuckle Thu 19-Sep-19 09:30:59

Hes being an arse,it was a special occasion.Tbh if we went out for a meal with wine dh would assume I would drink the whole bottle and be surprised if I didn't grin

Badolddays Thu 19-Sep-19 09:32:11

You say in your op you did have the equivalent of a bottle. He shouldn’t be making digs about it though.

EskewedBeef Thu 19-Sep-19 09:32:58

Downing a bottle doesn't mean knocking it back from the bottle in one go! You accept you probably did drink a whole bottle of wine in three large glasses, so there's no need to get defensive when someone points that out.

I think he sees it as a problem. Would you have had the argument if you'd been sober?

KUGA Thu 19-Sep-19 09:33:22

So what if you did have 3 glasses.
Who`s he or anyone to say how much you can have your an adult and you're not answerable to the wine police.

Whoops75 Thu 19-Sep-19 09:33:26

I would drink the same and think you don’t absorb the alcohol as much with a meal. Definitely wouldn’t be looking for a fight after 3 glasses so I think your husband was being petty.

Why did your dh give up drinking?
I think the answer could be his reason for being irritated when you do.

Musicalstatues Thu 19-Sep-19 09:33:47

Teddybear45 I have given all that information in my first post.

emmastone we argued about something he said and I would have pulled him up on it drunk or not.

His query was definitely not out of concern.

DickKerrLadies Thu 19-Sep-19 09:34:02

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary.

Out for a meal, not at home.

Special occasion.

It's different to drinking a bottle of wine on a random Tuesday alongside a ready meal IMO. YANBU.

Howyiz Thu 19-Sep-19 09:34:20

He is being a knob! It's a bit like reformed smokers going on and on about the smell of cigarettes!hmm
I don't think what you drank is excessive especially as it was the exception rather than the rule.

Shoxfordian Thu 19-Sep-19 09:34:33

He sounds like he thinks he's better than you because he doesn't drink. I don't think it's excessive. Ignore him

ariamontgomery Thu 19-Sep-19 09:34:40

Don’t ask about alcohol on Mumsnet! People on here seem to think that if you even walk past a pub and accidentally smell the alcohol smell wafting out the door then you’re an alcoholic who seriously needs help! 😂

Musicalstatues Thu 19-Sep-19 09:34:53

whoops75 he gave up because he started getting really bad hangovers and got fed up of it.

BarbedBloom Thu 19-Sep-19 09:35:33

I don't drink so maybe I am the sort of person who may see your DH's side. To me that seems a lot, i would be hungover on that, but I would also consider it as being a special occasion so up to you. If you were doing it every night then I might say something out of concern. But three large glasses would be a bottle wouldn't it? Or was it the word downed that upset you?

I suspect he was either teasing you or making a little dig after your row. There is a difference between people who don't drink and morally superior non drinkers though and I can see why people get annoyed at some.

Mary1935 Thu 19-Sep-19 09:36:09

Hi Op do you drink every night, or at home alone - can you cope without it - if so you sound normal to me - your allowed a blow out occasionally
Only you know how much your drinking a week to know if you’ve over the 14 units. One bottle is about 9 so your ok.
What are you partners concerns?

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