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To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

(218 Posts)
Whycantistaymotivated Sun 24-Feb-19 00:02:50

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

PickAChew Sun 24-Feb-19 00:05:53

He's being an arsehole. Dh went to bed an hour ago. I know he'll be asleep when I get to bed and I don't care.

What will happen if you turn the TV off and turn in?

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Sun 24-Feb-19 00:06:33

No spare room or sofa?

He doesn't sound very kind.

gamerchick Sun 24-Feb-19 00:07:38

Well what have you done to address the snoring?

Maybe suggest seperate bedrooms so you can sleep when you want to?

donajimena Sun 24-Feb-19 00:07:43

Is there anyway you can sleep apart? I appreciate you can't conjure up another bedroom but I can't sleep with my partner.
I haven't got it yet but I'm saving for a pull out corner suite. I love my partner and we have intimacy but sleep? I need to be on my own.

m0therofdragons Sun 24-Feb-19 00:08:28

Have you been tested for sleep apnoea? Treatment can be life changing for snorers with sleep apnoea.

Whycantistaymotivated Sun 24-Feb-19 00:08:37

If he's not asleep before me he will keep waking me if I snore. On a couple of occasions he's thrown a strop and slept on the couch, that's only after he's woken me half a dozen times first.

RagingWhoreBag Sun 24-Feb-19 00:09:51

He IBU. If he needs to be asleep before you then he needs to go to bed earlier.

My DP snores like a train. I wear earplugs when he stays over. I tried falling asleep before him or nudging him to roll over, but tbh until I tried earplugs I was starting to despair.

DP tried nose strips which helped a little and promised to lose some weight as he knew that would help, but now I can sleep really solidly whether he’s here or not with the earplugs in.

If you’re the one expected to listen out for DCs then tough, that’s now his job!

You’re probably not getting good quality sleep if you’re snoring too, so certainly don’t need to be woken up by him.

gamerchick Sun 24-Feb-19 00:10:17

Sharing a bed with a snorer is hell. Utter hell! It's selfish for them to expect their bed partner to put up with it.

What have you done to address the snoring?

SpeakUpXXWomen Sun 24-Feb-19 00:10:43

Tv out of bedroom, serious grown up chat about sleep hygiene, prepare a bedtime plan and stick with it.

Foot down.

RagingWhoreBag Sun 24-Feb-19 00:11:08

If you’re the one expected to listen out for DCs then tough, that’s now his job

Sorry that bit doesn’t make sense in your context - if he’s wearing ear plugs it’s you that has to be on guard, but I guess you already are!

RagingWhoreBag Sun 24-Feb-19 00:12:04

Agree there is also an onus on the snorer to do something to help themselves, but that isn’t the non snorer waking them up repeatedly.

Whycantistaymotivated Sun 24-Feb-19 00:12:46

I've only ever been to the docs about it once, not haven't been tested for sleep apnea. Was told to lose weight - coz that's easy! 😡

I've always had a big chest regardless of the size of the rest of me.

I've tried a few things, mouth piece, nose stripes, throat spray all designed to help with snoring

Amrad Sun 24-Feb-19 00:13:52

Someone else snoring is ridiculously stressful. Have you done anything to reduce/eliminate your snoring? If you have I would recommend consideration of seperate beds/bedrooms. It just might save your marriage. I do have to commend you for trying to wait until he's asleep. That is a kind gesture.

Gillian1980 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:14:05

My DH can’t fall asleep if I’m snoring either and will give me a big shove and tell me to be quiet. Which sets me off on a mood as I’m cross at being woken.
DH snores too and I’ve never shoved him or told him to be quiet.

However, about 2 years ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and now wear a cpap mask every night. Ordinarily I don’t snore any more (I have been during pregnancy).

Maybe see the GP about your snoring?

gamerchick Sun 24-Feb-19 00:14:14

Go back to your gp and ask to be referred to a sleep clinic. They might be able to help.

Whycantistaymotivated Sun 24-Feb-19 00:19:32

Yes I do all the night wakings with DD

Once asleep DP is a very deep sleeper so very really hears her. I also don't trust him with her during the night, if he wakes during the night he doesn't remember anything he does. When she was a few months old I was down getting her a feed and when I came upstairs he was holding her. Didn't remember doing it in the morning. He also sleep talks and walks on occasion.

He won't wear ear plugs as doesn't like putting anything in his ears

Frequency Sun 24-Feb-19 00:22:03

I've also lived with a snorer and it is part of the reason our relationship ended. The biggest reason was his being a twat but the soring certainly didn't help matters.

I can honestly say the first night in my new house without him was bliss. Utter heaven. I slept on the floor because I had no bed and still had the best nights sleep I had ever had in my life. I didn't realise until that night how much his snoring impacted my mental and physical health. I'm a completely different person now I can sleep properly.

We too had the I sleep first rule and he would regularly break it because he was sick/tired/had to work/wanted to be a twat. I despised him for it. If there was ever an excuse for murder it's snoring.

I'm with your DP on this one. See your GP and get it sorted. In the meantime let him sleep first. If I ever get into another relationship snoring would be a deal breaker. The dude could look like George Clooney, cook like Gordon Ramsey, clean like Kim and Aggie and give me the best sex of my life if he snores, he's gone.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 24-Feb-19 00:25:00

You do to go on a diet unless it’s a medication side affect. It’s not fair on your dh.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 24-Feb-19 00:25:14


IvanaPee Sun 24-Feb-19 00:27:56

I could happily kill dh when he snores. Snorers who do fuck all about it are among the most selfish people on the planet.

I wake him to stop if he wakes me. If he doesn’t like it, he can sleep elsewhere! Your dh probably feels the same...

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck Sun 24-Feb-19 00:29:11

Amazon is your friend. I snore, so does my husband. I bought us the Neomen Anti Snoring solution nose plugs. Really reduces the snoring noise. Changes it from a horrendous snorting snoring noise, to a normal, slightly heavy breathing noise. Plus gives the wearer a much better night's sleep as they wake themselves up less. I think they're bloody brilliant. Feel really weird to begin with but I soon got used to them, I wear the biggest sized pair. Plus, your partner MUST wear decent ear plugs. I recommend the blue Hearos extreme ear plugs, also from Amazon. I wouldn't sleep without them. Good luck OP.

kaytee87 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:31:04

If he wants to be asleep before you then he needs to go to bed earlier, or you sleep apart while you try other things to address your snoring.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 24-Feb-19 00:32:34

I’m more with him than you I’m afraid, I’d find life very difficult if dh was a snorer.

BeautifulComicalThings Sun 24-Feb-19 00:32:47

That’s shit for both of you and he definitely needs to go to bed earlier if he has to go to sleep before you! I must admit I find it absolutely impossible to sleep if anyone in the room snores. I literally cannot sleep at all and it makes me angrier than anything I’ve ever experienced before so I do have sympathy with your DH! I just can’t cope with it and it might be hard to imagine if you haven’t felt it.

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