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To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

(344 Posts)
Reallyreallyreally1 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:05:44

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault grin

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

Tobebythesea Tue 12-Feb-19 08:09:16

That person is not a friend. What a horrible thing to say.

Kitsandkids Tue 12-Feb-19 08:12:15

She sounds horrid. Of course you’ve given birth - your baby has been born so you must have done!

And it sounds like your birth was much harder than mine, where my baby did come out vaginally.

Ignore her, she’s an idiot.

SoyDora Tue 12-Feb-19 08:12:37

Err... no. They sound ridiculous.
And actually for me, actually pushing the baby out was the easy bit! The hard bit was the hours and hours of contractions leading up to it.

QuintadiMalago Tue 12-Feb-19 08:13:09

Your friend's attitude is disgraceful and shocking. I would definitely distance myself from her. Who the hell does she think she is to be so judgemental.

SoyDora Tue 12-Feb-19 08:13:21

(I also had relatively easy vaginal births so your experience sounds way harder than mine... hope you’re ok).

Pinchycrab Tue 12-Feb-19 08:14:14

Wow. She has issues.
Rude and horrible thing to say. I've had a natural birth and an elcs. Both were 'giving birth' ffs.

Chocwocdoodah Tue 12-Feb-19 08:15:10

Back to back labour, forceps etc does not sound like “the easy bit”!

How nasty of your friend to say that. This kind of birthing one-upmanship is pathetic. Ignore her. We have very little real control over how labour pans out. I’m guessing your friend had a drug free, natural labour and thinks she deserves a fucking medal for it. Good for her but this doesn’t make her experience any more real or valid than yours.

Toupholsterornot Tue 12-Feb-19 08:15:12

Yanbu. A c section is my worst night mare and I can imagine being a worse and harder experience and I admire all those who have one. I had 4 natural and ofcourse it's hard. It's hard in general bit I could walk about fine after. Not so much with a c section. Your friend is a dick

scaredofthecity Tue 12-Feb-19 08:15:38

Another who says pushing the baby out is the easy bit!

flowers it sounds like you had a rough time. Take no notice. Forceps and CS is about as hard as it gets.

NoArmaniNoPunani Tue 12-Feb-19 08:15:39

I didn't even get to go into labour. I developed HELLP syndrome, induction failed, straight to section. Your friend is a bellend.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 12-Feb-19 08:16:26

I had an extremely straight forward vaginal birth and I think your 'friend' is a mean bitch. You don't win a fucking award for pushing your baby out your fanny.
Avoid.

Actually the other friend is a bit mean too. Having a CS is not 'easier' as I could pick up my child, drive myself around etc straight away so I'd say you had by far the most traumatic birth and should be appluauded/supported, not criticised for not knowing what transition feels like. Ffs...

NotANotMan Tue 12-Feb-19 08:16:53

Your labour and birth sounds like it was incredibly hard work and tbh much harder than mine, which was a spontaneous vaginal delivery! I'm sorry your 'friend' is such a cow

RNBrie Tue 12-Feb-19 08:17:27

Honestly just ignore. She sounds deranged.

Maybe she had a terrible time, maybe she's just a massive bitch but it's not a normal response at all.

I don't think a c-section is an "easy" option at all. They bring with them all sorts of difficulties and complications, not least of which are judgemental bitches.

SockQueen Tue 12-Feb-19 08:18:06

Surely if you were fully dilated and pushing, you DID go through transition? And nobody sane thinks having your abdomen sliced open is the "easy" option, much less after hours of labour and a failed forceps attempt. Your "friends" are both stupid and unpleasant.

DrDiva Tue 12-Feb-19 08:18:56

I had same experience as noarmani. And yes, I have had the comments that I don’t know what birth really is. I also agree that your friend is no friend and is a complete shit. What is it with competitive birthing?

Jeezoh Tue 12-Feb-19 08:18:59

What a cow, no part of giving birth is easy and yours sound like it was less than serene! Plus it’s not a competition and believe me, you don’t get a prize just because your baby comes out the south entrance grin

misskatamari Tue 12-Feb-19 08:19:22

What a knob! I don't think I'd be bothering to see her again, what a horrible unnecessary thing to say

MarthasGinYard Tue 12-Feb-19 08:21:37

She sounds like a complete nausebox TBH.

I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of thinking she'd annoyed me.

Reallyreallyreally1 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:22:24

I don’t want to make a big deal of my labour experience because although I did find it truly hideous I know many many women sadly have a tricky time of it. I mean even if it goes to plan it bloody hurts!

I don’t even know what transition is grin but I think this situation has made me see that these people are not really friends. I had quite a bad recovery and was back in hospital afterwards and had no word from them so it’s frankly bizarre to try and kick a friend about their labour.

It could well be that she’s got bad memories of her births and maybe it validated her to make hers seem more genuine and mine to be ‘not real’

GruciusMalfoy Tue 12-Feb-19 08:23:20

Your friend is incredibly rude, and stupid. If you got to the part where you needed forceps, then you had gone through transition. Even if you hadn't, you've still given birth FGS!

My labour sounds similar to yours, and I think it was sheer poor timing (doctors were all in surgery) that I avoided forceps, it was very close. I wouldn't wish an induced B2B labour on anyone.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin Tue 12-Feb-19 08:23:45

They both sound delightful! For some reason some women think pregnancy, labour and parenting is a competition. I find those women the best ones to avoid!

TORDEVAN Tue 12-Feb-19 08:23:51

Sounds like you did go through most of both ways! And ended up with a recovery of your bits and belly!

I had an emcs after 1 day of 5 contractions every 10 minutes. Following a 3 day attempt at induction. I made it to 2cm dilated. I don't think that was 'easy', I was exhausted.

hammeringinmyhead Tue 12-Feb-19 08:24:08

You did go through transition if you got to pushing, surely? And by that point for me it didn't really hurt any more. It was more like a big poo!

ChariotsofFish Tue 12-Feb-19 08:24:21

She sounds very odd. For starters if you reached the point of forceps, you did go through transition. I’ve had a vaginal birth and a caesarean and I’d choose the vaginal birth any day, caesareans are not the easy option.

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