To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

[Reallyreallyreally1]

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

OMG - you had episiotomy stitches (& bruising from forceps etc) and c section stitches at the same time???!!!😬😬..... I’ve done both, not at the same time - Good God, that woman knows NOTHING....ignore & move on - I hope you’ve now healed well, physically & mentally💐

I would ditch that ‘friend’ (for which, read ‘ignorant bitch on wheels’). As if anyone chooses episiotomies, forceps, emcs!!! For what its worth, I had two utterly straightforward births....they were a bit of a doddle compared to what you went through and if we are going to compare (which we totally shouldn’t) I think you have the far, far greater experience in what birth is really like than I do!!

You say she has older children? Bizarre she's still obsessed with childbirth with years of motherhood behind her? Maybe transitioning was her most rewarding part of early parenting

I have had 3 vaginal and one section and I am set to have a second section next week. I can tell you I would choose vaginal every time and am absolutely terrified of my upcoming section. My recovery with my other one was so hard and that was without all the added stress you had with forceps. Take no notice of your 'friend' some people just enjoying trying to get one up on others

I don't understand the whole 'competitive births' thing that women do. Some want to have no pain relief, no interevention etc. and that's fine if that's what they want. Some want an elective CS. It doesn't matter. As long as mother and baby are safe, then that's all the is important.
Anyone who says differently is not worth listening to.

Agree with PP. Your "friend" is a complete arsehole. Why she would try to belittle your experience is beyond me. If I were you I'd stay well clear of her in future. Congratulations on your baby!

Your "friend" is a bitch with a chip on her shoulder, of course you gave birth properly ffs! Whatever method gets the baby here a baby grew inside you and then exited your body, therefore you gave birth. Tbh it bloody hurts however it happens but the real challenge is raising the child, that's the really difficult bit

I'd have told her to shut the fuck up I'm afraid. What an utterly twattish thing to say.

Back to back and forceps? Sounds like you had the most painful labour experience topped off with a section.

What a judgemental, rude and spiteful thing for her to say. And completely incorrect.

I have come across so many Mums like this over the past couple of years. So narrow minded and negative. Stay away from her!

I had a 52 hour back to back labour, ventouse then forceps. It was so awful I wanted to have a caesarian (instead of ventouse and forceps not as well as).

But I would have been super pissed off, if after all that they still couldn't get baby out and I had to have a caesarian also!

I think what you had was far worse and I ended up with a third degree tear.

Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

One of the visiting husbands on the ward said the same thing to me.
He asked why I had such a low bed compared to the rest. I explained I'd had a CS and it was hard to get in and out of a high bed.

"Oh, you've done it the easy way" he said. Twat.
I'd forgotten all about it till today :)

And now I'm cross again.

I can't believe people think this way! OK so I don't actually have a vagina so don't have 1st hand experience but DW gave birth both vaginally and via emcs and is very clear that the cs was one of the worst experiences she has ever had, not the procedure itself but the induction beforehand and the recovery after which took weeks. Very far from the easy option and to say it isn't 'real birth' is ridiculous. Still at least DS can defeat Macbeth!

What an unbelievably twattish thing to say, and potentially very damaging to anyone feeling fragile about their birth experience, as many do.

I'm 10 days post emcs after a 30hr labour and pushing getting nowhere. 'Fortunately' baby was still too high to attempt forceps, I can't imagine having been through that too THEN a cs! I'd been feeling disappointed about it, until a midwife pointed out that I was recovering from both a full labour and a cs, just because DD didn't get all the way out of my vagina doesn't negate the entire labour.

You've done an incredible thing, and I would no longer be friends with anyone who said anything like that!!

In that case I didn't give birth properly as I only had transition and I too found the pushing not painful.
But I didn't have a back to back presentation.She has no idea.
Congratulations btw.

I'd have told her to fuck off

induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs

So you basically had all the shit stuff about a vaginal delivery AND THEN THEY CUT YOU OPEN

Cos you know, majot abdominal surgery is soooo easy, just slice you open, stitch you back up and away you... Oh yeah, no they don't. Possibly 3 days in hospital, 6 weeks not driving etc.

She'd think I was totally pathetic, went from waters going to 5.minite contractions then EMCS.

I had two crash sections - that makes my kids not of woman born!!!

What a massive twat she was

What a complete bitch. I have had this though. I had a planned c-section with DD (I had a vaginal birth previously without epidural with my stillborn son and a planned cs was recommended following that), and one of the community midwives who came by was so judgemental about my c-section. When I told her some things were a bit painful she just shrugged like that's why vaginal births are easier (what she actually said was something along the lines of "well, you chose to have a c-section that goes with the territory"). I also had another mum-to-be comment that I must just not fancy pushing. She hadn't had her baby yet and didn't know me well but I didn't want to tell her about my horrendous experience and freak her out weeks before she was due.

People suck. People get hung up on weird ideas like how important it is to be in pain or get a baby out through the vagina. It's all ways to make ourselves feel good and make other people feel like they're lacking in some way. I'd avoid this friend because I guarantee as your kid grows older she'll find new ways to make you feel inadequate - because she's a jerk.

What a twat! If hers was more straightforward she had the easy bit, not you!
I've had the same as you (no induction but back to back contractions for 4 days) eventually went to theatre and had the spinal injection but somehow got her out before they went for the emcs. I've also had a much more straightforward birth. The first was a million times harder and anyway, from my experience and what friends have said, the easy bit is the last few pushes when you're actually getting them out. You had to miss the easy, welcome to the world bit but still got suckered with agony and exhaustion.
She is utterly clueless and to suggest she knows your experience is ridiculous.
I'm angry for you.

Your friend is a moron, and obviously gets off on making people feel bad about themselves. Would she rather people died during labour so they wouldn't 'miss out' on her idea of how a birth should unfold? What a twerp.

Here's a definition from the Collins Dictionary

"When a woman gives birth, she produces a baby from her body"

Now tell the truth, did the baby come from your body or are you secretly still pregnant and pretending your doll is a real baby? Because otherwise you've given birth, stupid bloody woman (her not you)

I have to agree that you’ve just done the easy bit (having experience of both an induced labour and one without intervention) but that doesn’t mean you do know what it means to give birth. You did give birth ffs.

I'll RTFT in a bit, but let me say...

What. A. Bitch.

Remove her from your life, she is no friend to you. The other one wasn't exactly great either (your body can't give birth "properly"!) It's fucking surgery! When they can teleport the baby out of you, THAT would be an easy option!

I say this as someone who had induction, episiotomy/forceps but they managed to get DC out vaginally. I had an epidural though, ooo, maybe I didn't give birth properly either because I didn't know when I was in transition 🤔