To think this is a bonkers opinion about childbirth

[Reallyreallyreally1]

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs)

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

I wasn’t sure what to say so we just changed the subject but it’s left a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?
My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault

I’m not sure why I’m posting except to say- Aibu that this is not how normal people view childbirth?

She sounds a bit dense. What a thoughtless thing to say to a new mum.

I had two fast spontaneous under 3 hour labours (only contracted for 1 hour), with a bit of gas and air. I had it easy, no doubt about it.

The thought of epidurals, forceps, episiotomy’s and the c-sections, makes me feel queasy. That was my fear for birth.

But it all comes down to one thing- delivering a baby safely. It doesn’t matter how the baby came out! We all do what is needed at the time.

My labour was so fast, I didn’t walk around timing contractions from when my waters went, as they went as both babies were delivered. My contractions started and went straight to two minutes, I pushed twice on both babies and they were born. So I’ve had plenty of people tell me I don’t know what a real labour is like- because it was so
Fast and spontaneous. I couldn’t give too hoots. I delivered two healthy babies with no complications to me. That’s all that matters.

That’s all that matters for any delivery, safely delivering a baby, regardless of how the delivery happens.

I'm not sure me saying the same as everyone else adds much, but a) she's a cow, and b) that's just stupid. I was desperate to avoid a section because having had my appendix out at 18, there was NO WAY I wanted my abdominal muscles cut unless they had to be! I was lucky, I feel, even with the tearing. You had the worst of all worlds, but even if you had a calm happy elective c section, you still MADE A HUMAN, so people can feck off with their bizarre judgements.

Also actually feel sick at someone basically telling your cousin she's not a real mum because her baby died, that's so appalling.

YANBU
Clearly not worth speaking to people like that.
It's not a competition and I don't think we have much control over how things go. Back to back is known to be a difficult position. If she really wants to get into competing I'd actually say that what you went through is the hardest - full labour incl episiotomy but then emergency caesarean as well. (And if you got to pushing then you did transition as well).

I would rank some simple vaginal deliveries as 'easiest' - this is what I had- by LUCK

That's really odd. I found the labour part harder than the actual pushing out bit.

Mind you, I had people implying I didn't really know what childbirth was like because I had really short labours. You can't win.

Both my children arrived early and a colleague said to me when I went back to work, "I'm not surprised you couldn't carry a baby to full term, you're so thin". I think she may have been thinking this was a compliment but it felt like I'd failed. At the time I was only so thin because I had awful PND and couldn't sleep or eat.

Ignore!

You brought a child into the world, you're amazing regardless.

I don't know why women see everything as a competition. My SILs argue about labour all the time, one had 3 sections, one had 3 vaginal deliveries and they argue over which was better and why the other wasn't as tough and basically who had the better experience and I sit there thinking "who cares you got 6 wonderful healthy kids out of those experiences!!".

Nasty people but they probably didn't mean to be. Let it go girl, you have a lovely baby, that's all that matters, . Congratulations!.

Congratulations on your baby and being a Mummy.

I had 2 emcs so I felt for ages like I had no idea what it was like to give birth. I laboured with both. It wasn't till I read this article that I felt vindicated. My friends who had given birth naturally but always supported me, found it an enlightening article too.

www.cordmama.com/blog/2015/4/8/three-truths-about-c-section-mamas

The bit about the c section, hurts me. I've probably taken it personally but if I didn't have c sections my babies would have died inside me. There's no " " about it.

I've had 4 vaginal births and they were much easier than what you've been through. That 'friend' is talking through her arse. Transition is the stage before pushing so you've experienced that too! Take no notice of the stupid woman and congratulations on the birth of your baby!

I think you're an absolute trooper. I would find C-Sec very hard to cope with. And forceps... and everything else you had. You had a very eventful and difficult birth.

DS was here in 6 hours and 2 pushes. Aside from the intense pain, it was relatively easy. I'd say you had the hardship, most definitely.

Not quite sure why your 'friend' felt the need to minimise your experience like you've not actually given birth properly (wtf is that?). I would suggest she's not actually a friend. Sounds like she wanted all the attention to be on her tbh and not you. Again, not a real friend.

Perhaps distance yourself from those who think that giving birth is a competition?

I've had two emergency c sections. I most certainly have given birth, otherwise my children would not be here. Of course I know I haven't experienced transition and pushing, that's a specific aspect of a vaginal delivery.

If your horrible friend thinks that having an EMCS after labouring for 30 hours is easy then she has no empathy. I suppose she thinks that women who gave birth with an epidural haven't experienced transition and delivery either? Silly woman. No need to compare births and declare one type better or more real than any other. They're all as valid and real as any other.

I've had a various assortment of birth experiences. None of them were an "easy option". Extracting a living being out of your own body isn't like blowing your nose!

They are not your friends.

I hope you will tell her what a hurtful and spiteful pile of crap that is.

I thought my birth with my youngest was bad but you're sounds worse, you poor thing. I hope you have made a full recovery now. One thing about childbirth is that every birth is different and even if you've had 24 children you still don't know enough about giving birth to make comments on someone else's experience. Also anyone who thinks c-section is the easy option probably hasn't had one.

She's an utter dickhead. My Obstetrician told me that there is no 'nice' way to have a baby. All births come with their own sets of pain. All that matters is the safety of mum and baby.

They aren't your friends. I'd avoid them!

She isn’t a good friend. As someone who had a very similar experience to you and found it incredibly traumatic, I cannot believe that anybody would be as insensitive as to say you didn’t do it ‘properly’.
A phrase such as ‘lets not compare please, there isn’t an award for who pushed the hardest’ might shut her up if you choose to see her again.

I actually hope she’s on mumsnet and sees this and realises what a cow she was.

Your friend is an idiot.
I had a 10lbs baby naturally and a 5lbs baby by EMCS, honestly I’m not being goardy I’d take the 10lbs delivery any day over the c section.

Once it was done I could get up and about and look after my baby, (I even had a PPH and ended up on HDU) but I could mobilise and get about, my EMCS was agony I couldn’t lie down in bed for days, I had to sleep sat up, I couldn’t get from a standing to sitting position without agony and breastfeeding a baby when you’ve had a c section is bloody agony when your uterus contracts and it’s being held together by about 50 stitches.
If she mentions it again tell her you hope she never knows pain like c section pain the cheeky cow.
Congrats on your baby op.

Hopefully by now enough of us have made you feel better. Not that you should need to, but I can imagine why you would. Your so called friend in the other hand should be ashamed of herself. What a stupid, horrible creature she is.

As a Registered nurse I'm very disturbed by your so called friend's opinion. No one has a right to denigrate any mother's birth experience. Any time that a patient has a baby be it vaginally ,c-section,etc is a birth.
I crashed and burned and had a c-section to save my life and was on life support four day's post birth but I apparently have an 18-year old illegitimately?

Going through major abdominal surgery is the "easy way"? Your friend sounds like a condescending twat.

It sounds to me like you have much more idea about "giving birth" than she does - you have tried pretty much every method!