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DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

(620 Posts)
Foxandthehound Sat 02-Feb-19 10:29:10

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

Hollowvictory Sat 02-Feb-19 10:30:39

You are not over reacting. I'm not precious about hair bit that is outrageous.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Sat 02-Feb-19 10:31:40

She's marking her territory.

Cut her loose.

LegoPiecesEverywhere Sat 02-Feb-19 10:32:38

You are not over reacting. I would go nuts. How dare she? She would never have my child again.

Hollowvictory Sat 02-Feb-19 10:33:41

Yes she would no longer see me or my child. She's not related to you cut ties.

Littletabbyocelot Sat 02-Feb-19 10:33:53

I don't particularly care about hair but I don't think you are over reacting. She chose to do something to your dd that she knew neither of you wanted, something that while not huge is hurtful and having taken your chance to have a first curl is happily keeping it for herself? I wouldn't be telling her to avoid for a while, I'd be saying you've lost all trust in her and she can't have dd alone again.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:11

Awful behaviour. I would not let her have unsupervised contact.

Interestingly my dad took my curly baby with him for his hair cut this week. The hairdresser said she won’t do drastic haircuts/cut off curls on dads’ instructions, only on mums’.

LegoPiecesEverywhere Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:15

Just re-read and she is keeping the only lock of hair? That is outrageous. I would never speak to her again.

Averyimportantperson Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:17

Kept a lock for her to keep! Is she being fecking serious!

Going against your wishes like this would actually make me think twice about leaving my DD with her. Due to the sheer selfishness.

Singlenotsingle Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:23

She's a CF! I wouldn't dream of taking dgs or dgd for a haircut unless I'd been asked to! shock

Birdie6 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:35

Does MIL come from another culture ? I know of some countries where they cut off all the kids' hair "so it will grow more quickly" which is a total myth.

She was totally wrong to do this .....and then to say that the lock of hair is HERS and not for you ! I'd be livid !

Helplessfeeling Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:37

She wont even give you the curl? She is not that sorry then is she! I would certainly keep my distance.

ButterflyWitch Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:43

Ok I'll get flamed for this but I've a low tolerance for this type of behaviour. It's assault. I'd be considering police. Imagine someone cut your hair off against your will?
And I certainly would no longer be leaving DD in her care.

AwdBovril Sat 02-Feb-19 10:34:55

Getting hair cut doesn't help it grow faster. Stupid woman (her not you).
She obviously knew she'd cocked up, or she wouldn't have bought the beanie for your DD & quickly scuttled off.

itsbetterwithoutyou Sat 02-Feb-19 10:35:24

YANBU How dare she!

I certainly wouldn't let her have your DD on her own ever again.

Maelstrop Sat 02-Feb-19 10:35:28

Holy fuck! And she won’t give you the lock? She’d never have my dd alone again. What a nasty thing for her to do, it’s unbelievable.

cricketmum84 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:35:28

No I don't think you are over reacting by being angry about this. Ithink some of the previous suggestions about cutting all contact are a bit over the top though!!

I would be absolutely raging about her keeping the lock of hair though. And your DP should be putting his foot down about that with her.

Readysteadygoat Sat 02-Feb-19 10:35:38

You are definitely not overreacting as far as I'm concerned. I'd be furious and would be unlikely to trust her with DD for a while.

I don't understand why she thought she could keep the lock of hair though? Does she have form for being a dick?

mumisalliam Sat 02-Feb-19 10:35:54

Omg I am speechless

I would have to be no contact for that tbh

ShinyRuby Sat 02-Feb-19 10:36:16

You are definitely definitely not BU. I'm absolutely fuming just reading about it. I would be absolutely distraught & really angry. She'd need to avoid me pretty much forever after this. The cruel comment that the last curl is for her is just sickening really. Poor youflowers

Praiseyou Sat 02-Feb-19 10:36:26

She won't give you the lock of hair!!!!! She's a cow.

YABU in the first place, she shouldn't have decided to get your daughter's hair cut; it's not about how much the hairdresser cut off, she shouldn't have been there in the first place.

I would literally not rest until I had the lock of hair off her, I would raise hell. If she is such a CF that she thinks she can make this decision for you, you need to put an end to this behaviour now.

piefacedClique Sat 02-Feb-19 10:36:32

Oh my god! YADNBU! I would hit the roof! I’d be a bitch enough to say she drops the lock of hair over or she never sees her again! Slight over reaction I appreciate but I would be so upset

KC225 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:36:35

That is bang out of order. You have every right to upset.

Mooey89 Sat 02-Feb-19 10:36:38

YANBU - I would be LIVID!

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump Sat 02-Feb-19 10:37:02

You’re not being OTT.
Children in foster care still need permission from a parent for a hair cut. I’d be furious and not leave dd with her again. I’d probably go nc

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