DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

[OnTheHop]

I think your DP should go round for the hair, or at least go with you.

[WhentheRabbitsWentWild]

Wow , does she have form for doing what SHE wants ?

YANBU at all OP I would be angry and gutted too really as to me, though might sound silly, it was important I was there with them for their first haircut .

[ThePinkOcelot]

Not over reacting at all OP! She was completely out of order!!

[WatchingFromTheWings]

Definitely not over reacting. I'd be going round and taking the curl then no further unsupervised access to your daughter. Given her other behaviour (undermining you, etc), id go NC.

[ChristmasFlary]

Absolutely agree with everyone else and I'm usually not bothered by things like this as my mum is a hairdresser and my kids would come back with haircuts from being at hers whether I'd requested or not

I really wouldn't let her alone in the future, what's next earrings, christening..

Where's DP Dad in all this?

[elvis86]

"I would make a complaint to the hairdresser too. They shouldn't allow this. They must have known she wasn't your DD's mum."

HunterHearstHelmsley - why on earth would you blame the hairdresser?!

Are they supposed to ask for ID before cutting a child's hair? Or only when they make an assumption that the accompanying adult can't be the child's guardian, due to age / appearance etc..?

The blame here lies firmly with the partner's SM.

[DPotter]

Her actions are total out of order.

Just one thought - did she even take your DD to a hairdresser? A pp mentioned her hairdresser would only cut with a Mother's permission and I've had a hairdresser refuse to cut my hair short, my own hair and I was present! Certainly can't see a hairdresser cutting all of a toddler's hair off on the word of a 'grandmother'

Whatever - that lock of hair is your's

[CREAMHELP911]

Wow id never speak to her again

[Princesspeachy0]

I can't believe someone would do this?! Such a strange thing for her to do, why would she thing she has the right!

Good luck later, really hope u get the curl.

[ShadyLady53]

I definitely never leave my child unsupervised with her and tbh, I’d go no contact over this.

I doubt this will be the last haircut. Whenever she feels like it, it’ll be off to the salon again. Maybe she’ll get dd’s ears pierced without you asking.

She sounds like she has no respect for boundaries at all.

You should kick up a huge fuss. Be nice to this woman at you and your dds peril. She’s relying on it so she can get her own way.

[JudgeRindersMinder]

I generally think people overreact and are hysterical on here, but this is just such an aggressively, deliberately disrespectful thing she's done.

This. My kids are pretty much grown up, and now I can look back on things I got worked up about, and in hindsight probably shouldn’t have, but I think I’d be justifiably spitting feathers in your position, then and now.

Make sure she knows she’s in the wrong (which the hat behaviour would suggest she does anyway), don’t leave dd in her sole care for quite some time, regularly mentioning trust issues, but try not to go so far as to cut your nose to spite your face, just in case you need her do do some emergency childcare. I’d also suggest that when the time comes that you do leave dd in her sole care, you’re very very clear that there are to be no haircuts, and any other things that you feel very strongly about.

[AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer]

Oh bloody hell I'd be furious!

Definitely insist she gives you the lock of hair.

[MadMum101]

Do you need her for childcare while you work OP?

She sounds toxic, suggesting you're killing your baby by breastfeeding her! She'd only see her in my presence in future and that would be very rarely. Most DC are upset and cry at their first haircut, I would have gone nuclear at her.

[ShadyLady53]

Also find out the name of the salon and complain. They shouldn’t be drastically cutting children’s hair without parental permission.

[MrsBertBibby]

What a shitty thing to do.

[Foxandthehound]

Someone suggested I over-exaggerated on how much was cut off. Im really not. Dd had masses of curls at the back of her head, the top was short because it grew slower. I think the hairdresser might of tried to make it matching lengths. Her fringe does look shorter though, so I'm most likely wrong. I have no reason to exaggerate, I would still be fuming if it was a trim.

@elvis86 I'm not desperate for child care at all. Although I'm not too keen on her, or her parenting skills, DP's father lives with her. Dd has a good relationship with her grandfather and if she goes to see him, she'll see Sm there too. That's why I tried to encourage a good relationship between the both. DP's father was at work when she took dd to the hair dressers. DP's father and Sm being the only grandparents within a 200 mile radius, I thought it was important she had a good relationship with them.

[MsJaneAusten]

Wow. Yanbu.

For comparison, my mil looked after all of her gc one weekend (my two DSs and her daughter’s two DDs). She had a mobile hairdresser come round to cut the girls’ hair and my youngest - who also had gorgeous blonde curls - jumped up on the chair to get his done too. She stopped the hairdresser, called me in a panic to check what I wanted, agreed to a tiny trim so he didn’t feel left out, then saved every strand of cut hair in a sandwich bag for me.

That’s how grandparents are supposed to be - indulging their grandchildren whilst referring to parents’ wishes.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

I think you would be very wise to try for a calm face to face chat.

You need to impress upon her that she has way overstepped the mark. She has deliberately ignored your wishes and is acting as though your child is her plaything. That is in no way acceptable.

If you don't care much about any fallout I too would be tempted to tell her she had best have that lock of hair framed as it is the only part of your DDs life she will have for the forseeable future. She has broken your trust and, assuming she wants to, she will have to work bloody hard to get it back again! You know you can't leave your DD with her now.

Keep that phrase in the front of your mind... she only had one lock of hair and she is keeping it! She doesn't think of anyone before herself, not you or your DD. You, therefore, don't have to burden yoruself with condidering her feelings before your own.

Once you have had that chat, regardless of the outcome, for your own sanity, park the issue, it will be done and dusted. If she brings it up again "Oh, that again? Does it bother you too?"

[kateandme]

I'm speechless and utterly Furious on your behalf I would want to scream at her. You are not being unreasonable and I would say I can't trust her with my daughter for a while to come one t through rage and two because she's gone against my wishes.

[Member984815]

She wouldn't be seeing me or my child again , I can't believe she won't give you the bit of hair she kept

[Yulebealrite]

You are minimising this. You should be bloody furious. And what twaddle about it growing faster anyway.
She gives you that lock or you never speak to her again and she doesn't get unsupervised contact ever again unless she is really remorseful and realises how far she over stepped the mark. She hasn't realised yet if she's still withholding the lock of hair.

[Butchyrestingface]

I would make a complaint to the hairdresser too. They shouldn't allow this. They must have known she wasn't your DD's mum.

Don't be absurd. The hairdresser isn't there to police who comes in for a haircut or give them the Spanish Inquisition about who has custody of the child.

If it was an eight year old leading their 2 year old sibling in for a Mohican, then you would expect the hairdresser to ask a few questions. But for all she knows, granny could a) be of an age to be an older mother or b) have custody of the child.

[Topseyt]

I'd have been furious and I was not even precious about hair when mine were that age.

The issue is her blatant disregard of your wishes and boundaries. Your latest update indicates that she regularly undermines you too.

I'd certainly be minimising contact with her, and she wouldn't be having unsupervised contact with my child again because the trust would be gone.

Do you think she actually has kept a lock of hair anyway, or is that just more bullshit and she didn't get one at all (but is trying to cover her tracks and wriggle out of the hole she has dug for herself)? Her reaction when you arrive to get the curl will tell you all you need to know.

[elvis86]

"@elvis86 I'm not desperate for child care at all. Although I'm not too keen on her, or her parenting skills, DP's father lives with her. Dd has a good relationship with her grandfather and if she goes to see him, she'll see Sm there too. That's why I tried to encourage a good relationship between the both. DP's father was at work when she took dd to the hair dressers. DP's father and Sm being the only grandparents within a 200 mile radius, I thought it was important she had a good relationship with them."

Sorry OP, but kids can have a relationship with GPs without being left unattended with them.

I'm on your side, but sounds like the warning signs were there to be fair!

[fiydwi]

I’d go absolutely mental. Who the fuck does she think she is.
She’d never see my child alone again especially after your updates.