DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

[bastardkitty]

That would be no contact from me then!

[MorningRichie]

NC. She's a bloody disgrace and has wilfully disregarded your wishes. I'd go NC with FIL as well if he doesn't take her to serious task over this.

[bananafish]

That's outrageous. You're very good going to talk to her; I would be unable to be civil about it.

My youngest has the most beautiful, long curly hair and it drives my MIL insane as she's firmly of the belief that boys should have short hair. She's muttered before about taking DS for a haircut, but if she did, I would honestly struggle to let her see him. I don't think she's actually stupid enough to do it, but I've made DH put her straight about consequences just in case...

I'm honestly fuming on your behalf. How bloody dare she?!

[Mulberry72]

Cheeky fucker!!!! No way would I let your DD anywhere near her ever again, she’s bang out of order!

I’d absolutely go NC for this permanently, it’s unforgivable, and to refuse to give you the curls too!

Unbelievable!!

[MadeForThis]

Definitely no contact. She can see gf at your house.

Cutting the hair is bad enough but refusing to give you the curl is insane.

[Mumofaprinny]

I would be very annoyed and I would be getting my DP to go and get me her curl back also!🤬 she would not be taking my child for a long time as she obviously doesn’t respect your parenting decisions. God I’m actually so angry for you.😑

[bastardkitty]

And you are completely under-reacting OP!

[OnTheHop]

“I have a son but if I had a dd and someone did that id go batshit!”

I have sons and if someone did that I would go batshit.

Why is parental choice more important over girls hair than boys?

[flumpybear]

Ffs this woman is a dick if the highest order. I can't believe you've not lost your shit enough to stop her after the feeding and bf nonsense - she needs a sharp lesson as this is beyond unreasonable - personally I'd tear her a new one as I'd be so flabbergasted and I'd need to get it off my chest - for gods sake thou do something before she does something else that has lasting damage

[Rogueaccountant]

No point having a war about it, but she needs to be told that she is not trusted with your children.

[Neversurrender65]

She has done something bad, and she quite obviously knows this from her demeanour as she left. I think you need to calmly talk to her about this issue, let her know how upsetting it has been for you, and suggest that sharing the lock of hair would help you get past this event.
You quite clearly have a sensible approach to letting your DC visit her grandparents, and it is always better to have friendly relationships if you can, as you might just need their help at some point, at least her grandfather.
It is a rather unthinking and terrible thing to have done, but wading in like a screaming banshee isn’t going to resolve anything, while a calm, quietly dignified firm laying out of a few ground rules just might rescue the situation, and gain you some of your daughters precious locks. People do some strange things, often in good faith, and then come to see how they have overstepped a boundary. Make it clear, then move on if you can.

[MotherofTerriers]

I wouldn't speak to her for a very long time. She wouldn't see my child for a very long time and wouldn't be trusted with her unsupervised ever. Let your DP go round and collect the curl which is yours. Tell her if she keeps it that's the last she sees of your daughter. Ask which salon did the cut, go there and explain politely that they should not cut a young child's hair without their parent's permission.
You are definitely not over reacting

[Bluelady]

Loads of over reaction here, but none of it's yours, OP. You seem very calm and reasonable. I hope it goes well in your discussion with her and she hands the lock of hair over - if it exists. This is really overstepping the mark, I'd be angry too.

[Lizadork]

If someone did this to my child, they wouldn't see them again ever. She was out of order!! The curl adds insult to the whole thing.

[Bouncingbelle]

Omg i normally think people here over react but not this time. I would be furious and upset. You are NOT over reacting!

[eurochick]

I am absolutely raging on your behalf. What a stunt to pull! The comment about the curl would have pushed me over the edge!

[granof3]

Like previous posters have suggested I would suspect she actually cut it herself.
In my experience usually first haircuts and trims are very minimal just tidy the ends and enough to keep it out of the eyes.
They usually also appreciate the significance that the first haircut may hold to a lot of Mothers.
Why would she have come away with only 1 curl?
What tale did she tell the hairdresser, if in fact there was one.
I would be extremely suspicious that SM actually cut the hair and then concocted the hairdresser story to cover her ass!
YANBU OP

[Oliversmumsarmy]

She simply doesn't have your dc unsupervised again.
And tell everyone what she did

How would you know unless dgf was on board and didn't leave her alone with her even if he had to just pop to the shops.

[IdleBetty]

I would go nuclear.

Get DP to go round for the lock. I'd never speak to her again.
Total NC for you and your DD.

Make arrangements to meet up with Grandfather separately.
That bitch wouldn't see my child again. Telling you she was keeping the only lock of hair!!

[EnglishRose13]

I think you're under-reacting (is that even a word?!). I'd be furious!

Your daughter can still have a relationship with her grandfather without the stepmother being involved. I wouldn't have anything further to do with her. She's just going to keep doing more outrageous things if you keep letting her get away with it. From you subsequent posts, it seems as though she's been slowly pushing boundaries and gaging your reaction. You've been letting her get away with too much.

[Missingstreetlife]

Totally out of order. She is not the parent. Is she potty training as well, choosing schools. Outrageous

[Foreverexhausted]

Wow! YADNBU!

She has completely overstepped the mark.

She knew how much you loved your DD's hair and your intention not to cut it anytime soon so she took her to have it cut WITHOUT your permission! I would be beyond furious!

And as for keeping a curl for herself and there isn't one for you adds insult to injury!

I wouldn't allow her to look after your DD for the time being.

She needs to fully understand how upset you are and how much she overstepped her position as nanny.

[SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc]

Ask your daughter if sm cut her hair

[Weezol]

I don't have children and I'm raging on your behalf! Seriously, I actually feel anger at a total stranger - that's how wrong this situation is.

Given the catalogue of her previous behaviour I'd never let her see DD without a parent present. As PP have said, she could end up with pierced ears at this rate.

[ittakes2]

I actually think you are being incredibly calm and mature. If my m'n'l had of done that to me I would still be harbouring issues years later. I also think you should insist you get that lock of hair. Don't let your DP back into the house until secures it. I'm so sorry - what a bitch.