DP's SM took dd for her first hair cut.

[Foxandthehound]

I'm probably being unreasonable and ott but I don't care.

Dd was born with quite a bit of hair, by 6 weeks old it all fell out. It grew back thick, incredibly curly and a beautiful blonde colour. I was in love with her hair. We (me and DP) weren't planning on cutting her hair for a while. We were going to let it grow out. DP's SM suggested to get a 'trim', to help it grow faster. We didn't follow through on the advice because it was growing quite well already.

DP's SM had her for the day yesterday and dd returned with a beanie hat on. I asked DP's SM where the hat came from and she looked sheepish and said she bought it as a gift. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and started chatting about how cold it Is (assuming that's why she bought the hat) (dd does own multiple hats btw).

She left quicker than usual. I started removing DD's outwear. I finally got to pulling her hat off and I was gobsmacked. All her curly hair is GONE! It wasn't a trim, all her hair is complete gone.

I know it's a silly problem and it shouldn't bother me, but she knew I didn't want a trim let alone it all chopped off. I rang her and she answered and immediately started apologising, so she knew what I was ringing about. She said the hairdresser took too much off. I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.

Thinking about it I'm probably completely overreacting, I'm just so mad!

[Sear86]

YANBU. I would be very upset. Who takes someone else's child for a haircut
??

[mistermagpie]

I've had two extremely bald children so I understand the significance of a first haircut - we had to wait nearly three years for DS to have one! I would have been livid in your position and her keeping the hair is just creepy. I would just explain calmly that as she can't be trusted not to respect your wishes then she would not be having unsupervised access to your child.

[Weightsandmeasures]

Did she really get ALL of your dd's hear cut off? I can't help but think there is a lot of exaggeration in your post OP.

[Sear86]

Especially the first haircut

[Foxandthehound]

Dd is 17 months old I forgot to add, so her didn't grow overnight. I'm so glad I'm not overreacting. Dp is on my side but hasn't spoken to his Sm yet. I'm going to go round there later, as calm as I can be, and ask for the lock of hair again. I feel so robbed! I wasn't there for it, I didn't consent to it, and she's not allowing me to have a curl. Who does she think she is?

She does have a tendency for being quite a dick. I constantly feel as if she undermines my parenting and she does come across as quite judgy. Dp has put her in her place over this multiple times.

I don't feel 100% comfortable leaving dd with her (even more so now) because, despite being a parent herself, she seems clueless on how to parent. For example at 8 weeks old she told me I was killing dd by breastfeeding her. Breastfeeding is apparently not enough to live off. 2 months ago when dd was 15 months off (and on normal food) she fed dd jar food. Dd never ate jar food, it's always been mashed up normal food when I was weaning her. The jar she gave her was the really liquidy food for 3 months old. I asked why she didn't give dd something like a sandwich and she just said the jar was on offer.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm reading through them all now so if I haven't answered your questions I will shortly. I'm currently stuffing my face in cheesecake

[SavoyCabbage]

I couldn't give a fuck about hair and I'm not particularly sentimental either but I honestly wouldn't let her see her again. Certainly not on her own.

[brizzledrizzle]

I told her i didn't agree to getting her hair cut. so she was way out of order for taking her for even just a trim. I then asked did she at least save a curl for me to have? I've told her before that when she has her first haircut, I wanted to keep a lock of hair. She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me. That added fuel to the fire and I told her she's completely out of order and she best avoid me for a while.


I think she'd best avoid you for longer than a while. I can't imagine any grandparent, step or otherwise, doing this.

[elvis86]

I generally think people overreact and are hysterical on here, but this is just such an aggressively, deliberately disrespectful thing she's done. And rather than being apologetic, she's got the gall to tell you she's keeping the hair?! She's batshit.

Regardless of culture or different people's experiences / norms etc, you do not get a baby's hair cut, having already proposed this with their mother and having being told no.

I genuinely think I'd want nothing to do with her again.

[Sonicknuckles]

No you are not overreacting, that is totally wrong of her

[HavelockVetinari]

Where is your DP in all of this? As she's his SM, surely he's had words by now? She sounds a right cow!

[DorisDances]

I am outraged on your behalf OP YANBU

[Butchyrestingface]

She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me.

I hope you don't have a pet rabbit and an easy-to-reach assortment of pots. 🐰😱

No to unsupervised contact until your DD is old enough to lie screaming on the floor like a dead weight if step-granny tries anything dodge.

I hope she's not your childcare when you're at work. In that case, you'd be fucked.

[MaverickSnoopy]

Nuclear.

She wouldn't have my child again. I would be thinking seriously about whether I wanted to see her again. With time of course it can be dealt with but I'd also be mindful of any other behaviour in keeping with this.

[elvis86]

I don't know why you're going round there calmly. I would be raising merry hell.

From what you've said, I've no idea why you would leave you child alone with her anyway? Are you that desperate for childcare?

[FlibbertyGiblets]

Does step mother have your daughter to help with childcare costs? Because these are the kinds of pitfalls with taking up family care (you've referred to other issues).


Cheesecake for elevenses is never a bad idea

[Highonthehill]

I am so glad that my dd gps would never dream of doing anything like this....

I am livid for you op.. after your update I would never let her have unsupervised contact.. or even that again.

[JaretsGirlfren]

I am very laid back but I would have hit the roof!

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Bloody hell. Nasty cow.

I thought my nephew should have a hair cut as it was looking a bit scruffy. I offered to pay for my sister to take him (to a kids salon that gives you a certificate and a lock of hair). She said no and that was that.

I wouldn't allow her with your DD unsupervised for a very long time. She can't be trusted with her, clearly. Her Dad needs to get the curl off his 'D'M quick smart.

[eggsandwich]

She’s crossed the line tremendously, so as a consequence she should not be allowed to look after your dd or allowed unsupervised visits, lord know what she’ll do next.

Maybe take a pair of scissors to her hair and see how she likes it, I would demand the lock of hair she has kept for herself and would be very vocal in reminding her that YOU are her mother and she has not only crossed the line but abused your trust.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I would make a complaint to the hairdresser too. They shouldn't allow this. They must have known she wasn't your DD's mum.

[RavenLG]

She said she only got one lock, but that was for her to keep, not me

I'd be telling her that's the only part of your DD she will ever see again then. Cut her out, go NC and don't allow contact again at all. She's asserting power. Don't let her!

[Jokie]

I think you've been restrained. Im so outraged on your behalf. Could your DH go round there? I know that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from going absolutely crazy at her

[SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc]

I have a son but if I had a dd and someone did that id go batshit! You are the mum, You should have the curl at the very least.Crazy behaviour!

[Prettyvacant2003]

What a dick! You're not overreacting. She stepped over the line.

[Lucyloulee]

NC immediately.