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Aibu or is it okay for someone else to announce the birth of your child?

(175 Posts)
Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 12:47:12

My In Laws are first time grandparents and had announced the birth of our child on Social Media after DH specifically told them not to and that we would do it once we get home from the hospital the next day.
Would you mind if that happened or Am I Being Unreasonable?

user1467250655 Wed 11-Jul-18 13:39:56

My MIL announced on FB everything as well. I had only been out of theater an hour and I started getting texts from friends saying congratulations. She had posted how the delivery went, name, weight. I was livid. My own family saw that I had, had the baby before I had got to tell anyone. I tried to text my brother to tell him before he saw the post and I couldn't as I had been in labour 2 days which resulted in ECS so had no energy to type, (off my face on all sorts) I couldn't physically do it. My husband called her to remove straight away and she replied she did not know how to. YANBU

EnthusiasmWellAndTrulyCurbed Wed 11-Jul-18 13:41:52

In a family group chat? Wouldn't bother me at all. I thought you meant they'd plastered it all over SM for all to see.
Considering they just shared it with family rather than individually calling, I just can't see the big issue. 'Disobeying' sounds a bit OTT. They really weren't 'allowed' to tell family members that you'd had your baby?

Mrs9C Wed 11-Jul-18 13:44:04

I'd be raging as well, though I don't agree with the "it's not their news" comments...It is their news, they're grandparents for the first time! That's HUGE news for them, and the truth is, they'll find it hard to contain themselves. It's not worth falling out with them over this.

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 13:45:01

User- I think someone is lying if course she would know how to delete it she probably just didn't want to!
My PIL's quickly did ask for the details to share in their group chat although we were tossing about what name we would choose ( we didn't tell anyone what names we have chosen as we wanted it to be a surprise and also didn't want any judgemental comments about what names we have chosen and if they can rhyme DC's name with anything so no one knew!)

mikado1 Wed 11-Jul-18 13:45:49

I think it's different now you've said it's group chat. I wouldn't view that as sm, and don't know why not having settings private would matter. I think instead of saying no sm,maybe better to say don't tell anyone, though don't know how realistic that is, considering you've called to tell them iyswim.

CrackerCrisp Wed 11-Jul-18 13:46:31

Yanbu. It’s not anyone else’s news to share.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 11-Jul-18 13:47:46

I am really surprised by how many people would be bothered by this.
I know my 7 yr old wants to be the one to tell her dad she was star of the week or whatever, but I didn't think adults were.
Oh well, live and learn, I'll make sure I never commit this faux pas.

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 13:47:58

There's a backstory with the members they have shared it with which is too long to go into. But yes apart from the parents we just wanted everyone to know at the same time family or not.

obviousNC101 Wed 11-Jul-18 13:49:45

Who cares? It's your baby but they are excited. cant get excited about this. It's all a bit "me me me" isn't it.

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 13:52:47

Mikado1- they did put up a (non cryptic) cryptic post an hour after we told them. Which it was pretty obvious by what they said that we had the baby and everyone on their friends list knew that we had the baby. But my main issue was them telling people when we said not to even if it was in a group chat.

Hygge Wed 11-Jul-18 13:53:08

We had a lot of issues with PILs doing things like this.

In the end it meant we kept a lot of things from them until after other people knew, or until we felt it appropriate to let them know. They didn't like it, it hurt their feelings but they wouldn't accept that it was their own fault.

If people can't be respectful of your wishes then they don't deserve to be told things first.

user1467250655 Wed 11-Jul-18 13:53:26

Wolfpac - it was deleted eventually, however the damage was done by then. She does some odd things on FB as she doesn't know how to use it properly.

SoShinySoChrome Wed 11-Jul-18 13:54:08

How stupid they are.

Pissing off the people who can give them access to the dgc.

SugarIsAmazing Wed 11-Jul-18 13:54:55

One day you will be grandparents and realise what an exiting time it is. A new baby is a beautiful family event to be shared.
I don't understand the MN way of wanting everything secretive and that families must wait weeks to see the baby.

LagunaBubbles Wed 11-Jul-18 13:54:56

So it's not Facebook then but a family group chat? I get they shouldn't have said anything if you specifically told them not to hut I don't get the not telling anyone till the next day really. In the "old" days it's just the same as telephoning family. And we are all different but I wouldn't ban any of my childrens Grandparents from coming to the hospital to see their new GC.

NatashaRomanov Wed 11-Jul-18 13:56:28

It is not alright.
Your baby, your news to share.
I suggest that next time you have anything exciting to share, you tell everyone else, and post it all over social media, BEFORE telling the in-laws!

MaryShelley1818 Wed 11-Jul-18 13:57:52

I always tend to think people are very ott about new babies on these threads (we enjoyed visitors straight away, didn’t have ‘rules’ etc and were fairly relaxed) BUT I think YANBU - it’s common courtesy to understand its your news to announce.

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 13:58:45

I definitely won't stop them from seeing DC over this that's just silly. Im just disappointed and i think I will watch what i say in future but I just wanted to see if anyone else thought if this was okay or not after all it's only SM I guess. It just hurts a bit to tell them not to do something then they just do it anyway... cue the horror PIL threads that I see on here grin

gingerfoxcub Wed 11-Jul-18 14:00:23

I regularly see a post from pregnant ladies saying nobody is allowed to post anything until we do. I don't know anyone who would think that is okay.

I'd also be having a conversation with your DH on what your boundaries are re the baby, and how you want him to support you, because they've outright ignored you once. When you are leaking bodily fluids everywhere, learning to be mum, super tired etc the last thing you need to be doing is fending off an over stepping grandparent.

EmeryisntthenewWenger Wed 11-Jul-18 14:01:00

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Yes, your news to tell but I think disobeyed an instruction and apology being demanded is a bit much. Your husband made his point so move on.

diddl Wed 11-Jul-18 14:01:02

"apart from the parents we just wanted everyone to know at the same time family or not."

That does seem a bit unnecessary to me.

Would the people who ypu told really have cared that ILs had told some others first.

We told both sets of parents & left them to "pass it on"

This was before FB though & our PFBwas in NICU.

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 14:02:17

I enjoyed not having visitors at the hospital or the day we came home from the hospital and I will do it again when I have another child. It was so peaceful and I learned so much by myself and it was such a great bonding experience for myself and DH.

mikado1 Wed 11-Jul-18 14:03:39

Yes, you will think twice now next time. I hope they at least acknowledge it because mine certainly didn't and were more or less forced to even visit to see baby

Wolfpac Wed 11-Jul-18 14:06:16

With facebook these days news obviously travelled fast and with DH having a rest at home while I was at the hospital,he had to leave his phone on just in case I needed to contact him so when he got bombarded with calls we both felt it wasn't okay for them to do that. Again I'm just wanting everyone's views on this not hating on my PIL's they are great people by the way just seeing what others think. smile

Cloud9Until6am Wed 11-Jul-18 14:07:50

DM did this with both my children. I was upset at the time but meh - it's only Facebook. Not worth falling out about. I just put it down to her being over excited and getting carried away.

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