Aibu or is it okay for someone else to announce the birth of your child?

[Wolfpac]

My In Laws are first time grandparents and had announced the birth of our child on Social Media after DH specifically told them not to and that we would do it once we get home from the hospital the next day.
Would you mind if that happened or Am I Being Unreasonable?

We had this recently. We were first time grandparents 7 weeks ago and my son told us about an hour after the birth but didn't want us putting it on social media until he and his wife had. We respected that but it was frustrating but their baby, their choice.

YANBU

I only stated in hospital for a couple of hours with my youngest (number 6), and when I got home my 11and 12 year olds came home from school with a whole bunch of their friends to see their new brother, so of course they all had cuddles and ate half the house.

My mother did this! I was so peeved, we weren't even out of hospital and she'd posted the picture I'd texted her on FB with a big blah about how happy she was her granddaughter was born!

I just messaged her with "really??? Give me a chance to at least get home, that's MY news to share!" and she was mortified and took it right down - she just hadn't thought. The fact you told them not to and they still did though suggests they are just dickheads.

NewGrandad- good to hear from the GP perspective and glad you weren't offended by their wishes :)

I wouldn't care.

Yes well their post MIL put on her page an hour or so later after we told them said something like "bundle has arrived" so of course it's not that hard to work out plus she also tagged FIL, DH and me in it so not hard to work out.

Wow. Of course you are NBU.

If anyone is going to announce the birth of your baby, it should be you or your partner.

YANBU. After the birth of our first child, we texted family and then a few friends. A (not even v close friend) of DH- no idea why he included him on the list tbh- announced it on Facebook. Baby's name, weight and time of birth... and then TAGGED us both in it. We had no idea until random people I worked with started messaging me congratulations. I was devastated! We sent him a furious message but it was too late by then. We learned our lesson for babies 2 and 3!

Well apparently it was a family group chat that PIL's announced it on. So it's good that its not necessarily ON their page they still disobeyed us by telling others when we told them not to.

Oh, I've changed my mind now. They hardly took out a full page ad in the Times, it was a family group!

I would be furious. I've not let anyone put anything on Facebook about my pregnancy. I've told the requisite people personally. My mum, bless her, has managed to stick to this even though she is really excited. My sister asked when she could tell people so I said she could tell whoever after I'd told told the main friends & family and work. So she has told a few people who have put messages on my wall saying congratulations, but unless you were in the know, you wouldn't have an idea what they are congratulating me about.

We are not going to put anything on social media after the birth either, especially photos. I expect that this is going to be much harder to police though as my sister in particular is a prolific facebook and instagram poster and is always putting photos of her kids up (with privacy settings, but still...).

My DP and I have decided that we had the advantage of not having our childhood slapped all over the internet, so will ensure our DC does to. When they are old enough, it is up to them then what they want to do (after having numerous lectures about internet safety and what's on the internet stays on the internet, potentially forever if it's shared etc).

It was mostly the family on the chat that they told that called later on that was the annoying bit. Then the post a little bit later on which I couldn't see until the following day as the hospital didn't have very good reception.

I had an emergency c section with my first, dh texted everyone to say dc was born and we were both ok as soon as they were delivered. I wasn't even stitched up or anything at that point. His father put it on Facebook before we had even left the theatre, dc was approximately 6 minutes old when fil put the status on.

I was fuming and still am. When dc2 arrives I'm tempted to not tell pil until I'm ready for everyone to know because of it.

Simple.

He tells them that he can't trust them with the baby and he hopes the "likes" are worth losing a relationship with their grandchild for.

Ebeneser- exactly I dont see why people think its necessary to plaster everything on Facebook. The way I see it,the child can't obviously consent to having their photo online and if people wanted to see your children they would visit or send a private message with photos of they can't. So glad I was born without all this social media.

I really can't say this would have bothered me at all, although social media wasn't yet a thing when my children were born. We just phoned the grandparents straight after the births and then left them to get on with informing whoever they wanted. I don't think we even discussed it with them.

However, you did ask your MIL not to share just yet, so even though she only shared on family group chat (which I also don't find unreasonable) she should have waited.

I think it would be a good idea to only tell your parents after the birth if you have more DC. You can phone your PILs a couple of minutes before you do the FB announcement. They'll complain about it, but tell them that it's a natural consequence of their disrespectful behaviour.

Can’t say it would bother me at all.

Yes I will now. My parents were very respectful of this and even asked me the next day when we got home if it was okay to call a few of her family which was fine.
MIL's message in the family group chat and her "cryptic" post on her page later on was a bit annoying however.

definitely not ok. my first DD was born with health complications and i was kept in hospital for a week. She was very poorly and BILs EX WIFE decided to announce it on my facebook page by congratulating me 6 hours after her birth. Some of my own family hadnt even been told (elderly grandparents that werent in when we rang) and yet now all my random colleagues, cousins and family friends knew! Was pissed off.

...i hadnt even told ex SIL - MIL had! We had only told our parents at this point.

Wouldn't bother me. It is joyous family news, it was excitedly shared by thrilled grandparents, there was time to share it yourselves before they did and they couldn't wait. People are happy and congratulating you. How is this anything but joyous? Congratulations on your arrival.

It's not worth falling out about. They were probably super-excited and weren't thinking clearly.

I think FB is confusing to the older generation.
They see parents sharing the shit out of every little aspect of their children's lives ,so in their minds, they are only following suit.

Also, think long term - babysitting.

My own mum did this... as soon as we called to say shed been born then my mum posted on facebook to announce the birth....

I didnt make anything of it because lifes too short... But I did untag myself and my husband from the post and hide it from our timelines... then posted our own announcement...
So really it was only seen by her friends in the end which is fine.

It wouldn't bother me at all, it's their joy too. A baby is part of a wider family. My parents told all our family, I was grateful not to have to do it personally.

In general I don't think it's a big deal, but since they had been told not to, they definitely shouldn't have done it.