Aibu or is it okay for someone else to announce the birth of your child?

[Wolfpac]

My In Laws are first time grandparents and had announced the birth of our child on Social Media after DH specifically told them not to and that we would do it once we get home from the hospital the next day.
Would you mind if that happened or Am I Being Unreasonable?

YANBU! I told a friend I'd given birth to my eldest and I was still on main delivery when I started having calls and texts from other friends and family, because she'd tagged me in a congratulatory post on Facebook. I don't know why anyone else feels they have the right to announce the birth of someone else's baby.

YANBU that is totally out of order. And you should tell them exactly that!

Unless you asked them to, HELL NO!!!

A new baby in the family can be a bit of a catalyst to this sort of behaviour.

We had tolerated a lot from PILs before we had DS, and it was only after he was born that we became estranged. And no small part of that was feeling that we had to protect him from their behaviour.

There was a lot that went on before that point though.

Your MIL had no right to demand your baby wear a certain outfit. Again, that's something a lot of parents put some thought into themselves. And considering most babies come home in modern car seat carrier things now, a gown doesn't sound practical anyway.

I do think you're going to see a difference now in your relationship and how you manage this sort of thing. I hope it doesn't reach the extremes that ours did, but all I can say is you'll be happier if you and your DH can agree your boundaries and stick to them together from now on.

Yes we had this. Couldn’t get hold of PIL as they didn’t answer the phone, but DH got hold of his sister to tell her. Despite him telling her not to, she plastered it all over Facebook and PIL ended up finding out when a distant cousin told them. Huge fallout and I have made sure we don’t tell her anything since.

I think you're right Hygge.
Even when I about 6 months pregnant they told me that they wanted DC to stay at their house often. They still haven't looked after DC by themselves over some ther issues I've had to deal with that's another story though!
Then when she was a few weeks old wanting to take DC out in a pram alone to show her off. She was a BF baby so that wasnt reasonable... I could go on and on.
This does make me realise how much our relationship has changed since they found out I was pregnant. They are lovely people though but they do have possessive tendencies at times which never bothered me until now that I think about it!

I'd be pissed off, I had an issue when my mum died last year and I had barely managed to tell close family, before my uncle posted about her death on FB.

I had to phone him to get him to take it down, he said he had friends who had been following her illness - I told him I didn't give a shit, it was MY mum, I decide when it's announced.

DD and her husband told us and PIL by phone when both DGD1 and DGD2 arrived and said no social media announcements. We respected that. They also did a whats app family chat message first before facebook announcements. Primarily it is down to the parents to announce this. Whatever makes people think the grandparents have a right to do this.

Maybe next time they should find out on social media and see how they like it.

THIS ^

I would certainly threaten them with it. In fact, I would respond on social media to let them know my displeasure

"Thank you so much PILs for announcing OUR news which we PARTICULARLY ASKED YOU TO KEEP PRIVATE AS WE WANTED TO TELL PEOPLE OURSELVES. I hope you will still recognise your grandchild when you next see them - on their 18th birthday."

I would be absolutely livid.

It happened to me too. I was not happy.

MIL specifically asked us not to announce the birth of DS until she'd met him. We respected her request. She then announced it for us on Facebook. I've never forgiven her. Due DD in less than 6 weeks. We'll be putting up the announcement before we tell her this time around. We won't be rushing to put it up either, so as immature as this is, I hope she's as hurt and pissed off as we were over DS' birth announcement.

It was your news to tell,as a granny of four you I can see how excited they must have been,I think you should tell them how you feel because if you don’t the resentment will just fester.

A new baby is a beautiful family event to be shared

Yes, by the parents! Part of having the baby is calling people personally and listening to their reaction, seeing their faces as part of the bonding experience, which PIL have taken from you!

I remember the calls I made which were special!

GreenTulips- exactly I felt that opportunity got stolen away from us. DH wanted to tell his GP first but they had already called them. A bit annoying but what's done is done. I will know for next time now!

YANBU. Someone did this to me when my baby was poorly in hospital.

My now deceased and much despised stepmother did this to me after I had DD. I was absolutely livid and my Mum picked up the phone and tore into her. She had no right whatsoever, we absolutely hated each other and she announced DDs name as well

Yanbu.

If a relative had done this to me, the next time round they'd have been the last to find out about the birth.

Technically he said he wasn't going to announce it until tomorrow, not that they couldn't. Still outrageous though

Wouldn’t bother me, but mine were born in the days before social media and I was pleased to have excited grannies to ring round and tell everyone (saved me having to do it).

I would say pick your battles and that this isn’t one that’s worth having.

Inertia- when we decide to have another I'll do what someone suggested on here and call them a few minutes before we announce it ourselves. ;)

Justice seems like the step mother did it out of spite...

OP what is the actual problem about someone other than you telling people?

It really wouldn’t bother me.

It wouldn't bother me. When our boys were born we called both sets of parents and let them pass on the news.

As for the posters suggesting the grandparents get no contact as a punishment... words fail me.