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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is it okay for someone else to announce the birth of your child?

174 replies

Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 12:47

My In Laws are first time grandparents and had announced the birth of our child on Social Media after DH specifically told them not to and that we would do it once we get home from the hospital the next day.
Would you mind if that happened or Am I Being Unreasonable?

OP posts:
RoxytheRexy · 11/07/2018 13:11

My MIL did this. Posted a photo of me post section holding my daughter on FB. Within 30 minutes of that photo my daughter had been rushed to NICU. We didn’t know if she would survive and we were getting FB messages!

I didn’t care at the time as I was spaced out on morphine but 3 days later I was furious and made her to take it down. Which she did begrudgingly. We don’t have any photos of the children on SM and one of the main reasons for this is how reckless MIL is with hers

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:12

Hidingtonothing- thank you! Well when we do decide on having another baby, this experience has made me not want to tell anyone until we are ready to let people know. Certainly wasn't nice to have people calling (although they meant well) DH while he was resting himself and was oblivious to all of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:14

RoxytheRexy- Yes! I'm with you! Especially since they dont have their profiles set on private and also why would I want random people on their friends list commenting on a photo of my child! Just horrible.

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 11/07/2018 13:14

Oh gosh, this would really fuck me off!! I would have to say something to them and ask them to delete. So inappropriate when they'd been told not to.

mostdays · 11/07/2018 13:16

Yanbu at all if they'd been specifically asked not to.

WhiteCoyote · 11/07/2018 13:18

My mum did this, but considering she’d spent 62 hours (the whole time I was in labour) right next to me after a 140 mile trip to come be with me for the labour i didn’t let it bother me at all. I was far more interested in sleeping lol

toolonglurking · 11/07/2018 13:18

Have you or your DH spoken to them about it since they posted? I think you need to!

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:18

Well apparently it was a family group chat that PIL's announced it on. So it's good that its not necessarily ON their page they still disobeyed us by telling others when we told them not to. Quite hurtful and really I'm not sure if they only did it because I didn't allow them to visit us at the hospital or if they were generally excited. Could be both.

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 11/07/2018 13:21

Yanbu at all! I’d be raging. You asked them not to do something and they did it anyway. Is she going to be one of these gps who, when asked not to do something with your dc, does it anyway (for example-feeding solids when still tiny).
I think you have every right to be cross with them.

BlingLoving · 11/07/2018 13:21

I am generally relaxed on family's involvement. I take the view that they're excited and the new arrival is part of their family too. I don't understand, for example, the obsession with not allowing visitors for days or weeks after birth etc.

But this would have made me beyond furious. It is YOUR news to announce, when YOU are ready. If for no other reason than, as you experienced, sometimes you want to take a step back from the 500 text and facebook messages you will receive as a result. They were completely out of order.

We told our families I was pregnant pretty much as soon as we found out. But asked them to keep it to themselves. We weren't obsessive about it - I totally got that my parents would probably want to tell their closes friends etc - but I didn't want to be dealing with congratulatory messages before the 12 week scan and of course, if something had gone wrong, I wanted my family and close friends to be supportive but really didn't need second cousins I've met twice getting involved.. DH's brother posted his excitement about becoming an uncle on FB. We went into ORBIT!!! (he has form for this kind of selfish, thoughtless behaviour though).

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:22

Yes- DH sent them a message how it was very disrespectful of them to tell others and that we/I should have been the one to tell people since I'm the one that carried DC and did all the hard work and they need to apologize to me when they see me. (I was already bawling my eyes out probably hormonal but it still wasnt a nice feeling)
He got a sarcastic reply saying "well I'm sorry for telling family"

OP posts:
onanothertrain · 11/07/2018 13:22

Wouldn't bother me

mikado1 · 11/07/2018 13:22

Yanbu but.. they are obviously jumping out of their skins with excitement. My mil was asked to pass it on to my bil @12 noon. She rang him @7pm.... He was offended it was on sm before he heard. I hope their enthusiasm means you will have interested and involved GPs fit your child. But yes I'd be seething now.

diddl · 11/07/2018 13:23

I think if they announced it to family in a group chat that's just as if they had phoned around isn't it?

Have they told anyone that you particularly wanted to tell?

Buddyelf · 11/07/2018 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catinthecorner · 11/07/2018 13:26

How many people did they tell? Delay their first baby visit by that number of days/weeks (dare I suggest years?)

Grandmaswagsbag · 11/07/2018 13:27

I would struggle to get worked up about this if I’d just had a baby. Enjoy her/him and stop worrrying about social media.

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:27

We aren't particularly close with anyone apart from both of our parents so we wanted the rest of the family and friends to know on SM which we had told them and they actually thought that was a good idea. So dont know why they did that.

OP posts:
lifechangesforever · 11/07/2018 13:30

My brother's SIL also did this, before my mum had chance to even see a picture of her new grandchild.

My brother was furious and told SIL, which isn't what you want on what should be one of the happiest days.

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:30

Catinthecorner- LOL at delaying their visit.
They told roughly 40-45 people

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 11/07/2018 13:31

Wouldn't bother me.

UneMoonit · 11/07/2018 13:31

YANBU.

I think anyone would understand perfectly when asked not to announce such a significant event before the people involved get a chance to.

I would see it as either intentionally rude or thoughtlessly disrespectful for someone to go ahead and do so after that request.

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 13:35

Exactly. If we wanted to announce it we will if people dont have SM and we feel they should know then we will call them when we get the chance. We certainly didn't need to get bombarded with calls or messages after a long day/night.
It took about 5 days for them to visit due to them being stubborn after getting a telling off from DH!

OP posts:
stevesmithsmum · 11/07/2018 13:35

Yep, it would piss me off.

I’d make sure they now know they won’t be confided in in future since they can’t keep a confidence.

user1467250655 · 11/07/2018 13:39

My MIL announced on FB everything as well. I had only been out of theater an hour and I started getting texts from friends saying congratulations. She had posted how the delivery went, name, weight. I was livid. My own family saw that I had, had the baby before I had got to tell anyone. I tried to text my brother to tell him before he saw the post and I couldn't as I had been in labour 2 days which resulted in ECS so had no energy to type, (off my face on all sorts) I couldn't physically do it. My husband called her to remove straight away and she replied she did not know how to. YANBU

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