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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is it okay for someone else to announce the birth of your child?

174 replies

Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 12:47

My In Laws are first time grandparents and had announced the birth of our child on Social Media after DH specifically told them not to and that we would do it once we get home from the hospital the next day.
Would you mind if that happened or Am I Being Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Billben · 11/07/2018 15:05

I would be livid and wouldn't hold back from letting them know about my feelings either. I would also not let them take photos of her because they obviously don't care enough about my feelings not to plaster things all over social media. Yes, I'm spiteful but then again I expect people to do what I ask of them in the first place.

RoseWhiteTips · 11/07/2018 15:06

YANBU.

Tunnocks34 · 11/07/2018 15:10

It’s not great, and I am see why you’re upset.

My grandad this to me, not out of malice at all, pure excitement and pride. I didn’t mind too much really, I just did it myself quickly after xx

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/07/2018 15:13

Personally I couldn't muster up fury at a time when you're supposed to be the happiest ever.

Yes they shouldn't have done it but break it down - they've announced the birth of a baby not done something that warrants your fury.

jennyFromTheRock · 11/07/2018 15:16

"Yes, I'm spiteful but then again I expect people to do what I ask of them in the first place."

You sound awesome. Are you a traffic warden? Middle management in a tele-sales company? PCSO? Prison warden?

Tara336 · 11/07/2018 15:16

That would actually make me very angry. Especially if I had asked for the opportunity to do it when I was ready. Your first few days are so precious and while it’s lovely people wish you well, Its nice to have that private time first to enjoy your first moments with your baby

loopylass13 · 11/07/2018 15:22

A family member shared my pregnancy news, Ah! So put a ban on facebook news and alerting that individual to the actual birth …. however I came home from the hospital to find my house plastered in ballons/banners congratulating me on my child. I was horrified and angry, though now I can see they were trying to be joyous. I felt that it was my news to tell and also that there are a lot of adjustments to becoming a mother, I needed to accept this new role before letting anyone else in. I still haven't announced my child on facebook and she is now 10 years old lol. I figure that if you know me in real life then you'll know I have a kid, but those years of childhood memories are mine and not for sharing with a friends list because of "likes".

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 15:27

Loopylass13- my thoughts exactly. If people really cared or wanted to know anything they would either ask me directly or wait for me to say something. Definitely do not see the point in sharing certain things online for a few "likes"

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Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 15:29

I think my DH is more upset over it than I am. He never imagined his parents to do this then be stubborn and not visit when invited because he called them out for their wrong doing. I on the other hand will forgive but I won't forget!

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RideOn · 11/07/2018 15:36

It is not ok, YANBU. It is the equivalent of ringing everyone they know to tell them. Even if you hadn't asked them not to, it would be overstepping.

I do think some people who haven't grown up on social media may see it more as putting up a little notice up rather than telling people. I'd be a bit peeved though, definitely not fury and definitely not something I could fall out about. In the end it probably came from their delight at GC.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 11/07/2018 15:41

I’d be furious.

Not only have they blatantly ignored your request, and in doing so compromised you (there may have been people that you wanted to tell rather than have them get a message) they also compromised your house security. Who knows who was watching when they blissfully announced that your house was empty during hospital visiting hours.

Incredibly selfish, thoughtless and disrespectful of them.

peppapoops · 11/07/2018 15:46

It always amazes me how batshit people can turn over a baby's arrival. I get that people are excited but to completely steal the parents thunder or go against their wishes is just disgraceful.

My in laws were "heartbroken" at not being able to visit us in hospital after a horrific birth, haemorrhage and I had to have extensive surgery afterwards. FIL also had the flu at the time so we said we'd rather see them when he was better and we were at home. My parents didn't get any special treatment, it was the same for them, they were more concerned that we were ok.

MIL still talks about it like she was robbed of a special moment. Hmm baby wasn't well either and ended up being blue lighted back to hospital within hours of being home and she was furious we were in a and e around "all and sundry" and she hadn't met dd yet. Didn't seem to give many shits about DD's well-being.

I'm having a c section in a couple of weeks and we haven't told anyone the date so that we can have some breathing space this time and call them a few days after.

This hasn't gone down well but I've completely run out of shits to give after last time Grin

LagunaBubbles · 11/07/2018 16:09

He tells them that he can't trust them with the baby and he hopes the "likes" are worth losing a relationship with their grandchild for

I actually can't believe that someone would stop their parents or in laws seeing and having a relationship with their Grandchdren over this. I despair of how controlling, nasty and spiteful people could actually be.

Amanduh · 11/07/2018 16:11

I wouldn’t care, doesn’t change the baby being here or people knowing, and the comgratulations are still the same, but can see how it would be annoying if you’d specifically said not to.

Amanduh · 11/07/2018 16:13

Oh and what LagunaBubbles said. It’s social media ffs. Stopping contact would be completely ridiculous

Hygge · 11/07/2018 16:20

I think I missed that they had refused to visit because they didn't like being told they were wrong.

You have bigger problems with them than Facebook, although that it itself is bad.

You asked them not to put it on Facebook. They ignored you and sent a group message to a large amount of people and then put a "bundle is here" comment on their home page for everybody. "Bundle is here" isn't exactly the enigma code.

So they are prepared to completely ignore you because it doesn't suit them.

And as much as they may have been excited to share the news, they should have understood that so were you. And they still took the opportunity for themselves and put their own feelings first.

And then they sulked and refused to visit the new baby they were so excited about. For what? To punish you both? To teach you a lesson? To make sure your DH doesn't call them out next time they ignore you and do as they please wit your baby?

I mean, I said before my in-laws were similar and this sulking is part of their pattern.

If they do something wrong to you on Monday, by Friday you've apologised to them for it.

Do people in your family spend a lot of time "keeping the peace" around your PILs by any chance?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/07/2018 16:37

Agree Amanduh.

Some people need a chat with themselves pronto.

Tinkerbell89 · 11/07/2018 16:43

That's out of order that's for the parents to do not anyone else unless you have permission. Parents usually like to do it when they're ready announcing your child is a moment you won't get back and a proud moment at that. They should not have done this and what's worse is they were told not to. What else will the do without permission? Will they not respect your wishes with your child and go against requests...That's what I would be asking.

AreWeDoingThisNow · 11/07/2018 16:47

Totally out of order.

My DH's aunt announced the birth of DD on Facebook before I'd told my mum!

Thankfully DM didn't see it.

(MIL was at the birth and texted her family with the proviso that it went no further, as I wanted to ring my mum when I was recovered a bit)

Same aunt announced (in a round about way) SIL's pregnancy on Facebook when she hadn't told her dad.

Aunt works in media marketing so really should know better.

lynzpynz · 11/07/2018 17:08

Normally I don’t agree with tit for tat, but in this case their snide response to DP and blatant disregard for your feelings (most importantly they were explicitly asked not to) stinks! Make your own post on social media, introduce your new baby as you wanted to, and say now that you’ve broken your exciting news other people are now ok to share it too...

We haven’t mentioned our pregnancy at all on social media (it’s not a secret we just don’t want the world knowing our business and it’s our choice), my mum has repeatedly tagged me in baby related posts (also first GC!) when I’ve asked her not to. I’ve spoken to her but luckily she was apologetic, blames excitement (which I understand) and has agreed to stop! She’s been v good to us, baby is being named after her so bit concerned she may burst with emotion when she finds out so we may have to let her break the news lol Smile!

Everyone’s different, some would mind some wouldn’t, but not respecting your wishes with your baby announcement is not v nice of them.

lemonnmeringuepie · 11/07/2018 17:09

My mum announced on social media that I was having twins, before I had chance to! Cue everybody congratulating her on being a new grandparent. I was so pissed off, especially as it was my first pregnancy. Yanbu!

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 20:36

Hygge- MIL was already trying to dictate what outfit DC would come home in she didn't even ask me it was more of a "DC will be wearing THIS" and showed me a gown DH came home in. Now petty as it may seem, I didn't and still haven't put the outfit on her because first off if she had asked me if it was okay if I could put DC in that outfit I would have been fine with it rather she TOLD me I was going to put it on DC without a worry that I may have chosen my own outfit.
So I think new babies can definitely change people because she nor fil acted demanding ( there are other things as well that has been done that seemed a bit possessive but would be too long to name)

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likeacrow · 11/07/2018 20:37

YANBU. Out of order. But maybe they just don't get it?!

Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 20:39

And DC's first outfit home didn't even bother me. Not sure if it was a big deal to others on here or if it's just me but I didn't care to put something on her until she made a fuss about DC's "first outfit"

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Original poster
Wolfpac · 11/07/2018 20:45

Likeacrow- they did get it as they agreed that it fine when we spoke about it earlier on in my pregnancy. So not sure what their issue was.
Tbh I was more curious if people had the same views as I did and it seems like the majority do! Makes me realise how much they did overstep their boundaries!

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