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AIBU?

To be so very disappointed in my dd 18

131 replies

Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:31

So my 18 ds works in A well known supermarket and today he has been sent home with pay

He has been accused of fraudulent activity with a £3 voucher and the worse thing is I believe he did it he’s very worried fudgeing good Hmm


So over the last couple of weeks I noticed he had a lot of vouchers in his room the type people buy for birthday gifts when I asked he said his mate gave it to him bank However something didn’t sit right went a snooping and I found about £60 worth of different vouchers food and can ones


Then this week he told me he had an altercation with one of the security guards they accused him of stealing when he was in shopping

My husband said that was odd as he knows they guy and why would he just randomly accuse you of stealing on your day off

However we now think ds was trying to lay the ground work when he was eventually found and and say this was the issue Hmm


I think the guard was following ds however jumped the gun and altered ds to the fact they are being watched


9 of them have been put on gardening leave pending a investigation Confused

I know in my gut something is going on and the vouchers having something to do with them I am beyond up set I tell you if dh hadn’t had a word with me I would of lost my shit

Came home today and ds was at home asked him what he was doing at home he lied said that all overtime shifts had been
cancelled having been —listening at the door—hoover I got a few bits about having a bad feeling and OMG everyone has been sent home and what did you tell them

I confronted ds and he dh said look you may as well tell us your mum thinks somethings up and she s usually right he then confessed he told us he didn’t do anything and joined and union this morning after 18 months of bugging him to so must be worried

I am ashamed and he earns just shy of 400 a month so no idea why he would shame him self or us like this

I am pretty certain the ship think their all in intogethet to will sack them all

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:33

Dh has sodded off to the gym days he’s to upset


And ds is denying everything of course but as a mother you know when your holds lying and I feel sadly he’s lying 🤥

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:34

Anyone else’s teen been sacked from a job or done anything like this before


Am I am not certain I would be upset if they called the bloody police tbh it so out of order and not we stand for

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afreshnewname · 04/05/2018 19:39

If he has been up to anything g they will give him the option to resign before they sack so he can do that and look for something else, it won't be held over him forever and stop him having a career HOWEVER if be having strong words and making sure he has learnt his lesson

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Birdsgottafly · 04/05/2018 19:40

If there a few of them involved in it, they've probably spurred each other on.

If they offer him a deal that means he isn't charged, he needs to take it.

As bad as this sounds, I would be getting him to clear his phone and room of any evidence, in case the Police turn up.

Doing what he's done at his age, shouldn't destroy his life.

Does he seem to have money? Is there drug use going on?

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NewYearNewMe18 · 04/05/2018 19:41

Whats your AIBU?

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Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2018 19:44

I'm afraid that kids just don't do what we want/expect them to do. They have their own ideas and just think we're talking out of our a ....s when we try to put them on the right road. I think they have to learn by their own mistakes. Obviously you feel disappointed and betrayed but hopefully he'll learn this very hard lesson, although it's likely to affect his future employment chances.

You're probably right, he's likely to get sacked, especially if he's been employed for less than 2 years. Oh dear, what a mess. I've been through it with my DS too. Confused

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:44

Dh is nurse and never felt his pupils were delilated or stunk of weed

Their were lots of Uber cab vouchers and lots of vue vouchers

I am so disappointed just so disappointed this is not what we do why would he steal he literally has no overheads bar his keep he gives us

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VladmirsPoutine · 04/05/2018 19:46

Can someone explain what exactly he has been accused of doing?

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:46

And because he lied about today by saying his shift had been cancelled I can’t believe anything else he says

Only found out about the rest when dh has a strong word about how upset I was

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MizCracker · 04/05/2018 19:48

I worked for Sainsburys as a student, and remember one member of staff my age got sacked for swiping his own Nectar card when a customer didn't have one. So I'm not surprised that this kind of stuff goes on.

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:49

Buying and selling items with a £3 cupola
Somy guess is they have got hold of a cupon


And been buying things for way more and getting the items for £3 that’s my guess

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tiredmommaa · 04/05/2018 19:51

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BarbarianMum · 04/05/2018 19:52

YANBU to feel disappointed in him but he's not the first feen to get greedy and do something stupid. I suggest you don't try to rescue him from the consequences of his actions. If he loses his job, he'll be skint til he finds another.

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:53

And o pretty certain the incident with the guard this week was him being gun ho and accidentally altering my son to the fact they were on to them hence my son joining the union this morning Confused

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Metoodear · 04/05/2018 19:55

BarbarianMum@ we won’t be

tiredmommaa@ I am in a bit of a state as you can imagine so typing fast while having a little cry

He is accused of fraudulently buying and selling items with a £3 voucher

I I think they have been buying lots of bits or one pricey item and getting them for £3

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Juells · 04/05/2018 20:00

Honestly I don't know why people can't follow what's happened. I can't follow it all, but I've got the gist, obviously the OP is upset and her phone is acting up and autocorrecting all over the place.

Her son was using vouchers which were probably stolen. The OP thinks there was a group of them working together, and some were passing the vouchers and getting goods worth more than the face value of the vouchers. Or something like that.

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Juells · 04/05/2018 20:02

Anyway, lots of sympathy OP, it's rotten for you and your DH. But it's not the end of the world, he'll get a shock and hopefully realise the group isn't as smart as they all think they are.

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/05/2018 20:02

I work in a major supermarket, and if he has been sent home then it is almost certain they have all the evidence they need and are just doing things officially. Depending n the amount involved they may let him resign or they may wish to prosecute.

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Namethecat · 04/05/2018 20:03

I'm sorry but he has basically been stealing from his place of work. Depending on the supermarkets findings he will probably lose his job. It certainly won't look good on his cv nor for references.

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Phimosa · 04/05/2018 20:05

They were scanning items but changing the face value price to £3 by scanning a £3 voucher

So stealing from their employer. Sounds like they were activating gift cards but charging £3 for them instead of full price

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caringcarer · 04/05/2018 20:05

It does sound as if he has been stealing vouchers and has been caught by security guard. The likelihood is he will have hearing meeting and they may not call the police but just sack him along with any other employees doing the same. It does not reflect on you or your good character. I would talk to him after his meeting with Manager and explain if he was stealing the supermarket had no choice but to sack him. He may find it hard to find another job. Is he a student and working part-time? If so he needs to focus on getting good grades and then put it behind him and learn form it. He would be unwise to put this employer down as a referee for a new job though. If police are involved whatever he does tell him not to accept a police warning as if he needs a DBS for another job later in life it will show up. My nephew stole from shop when he was 15 and my sister had to go to shop and he got a warning which at the time she was grateful he was not charged however it has meant he has found it very hard to get a job as an adult because of this mistake when he was 15. I really hope he learns from this and does not do it again and sorry you are having this worry too.

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thetriangleisarealinstrument · 04/05/2018 20:07

Thats a bad thing hes done but its not the end of the world and will hopefully be an important life lesson for him.
I think you are right to express anger and dissapointment to him but dont worry yourself that its going to ruin his life.
He just wont be able to use them as a reference but at this young that is not going to be too much bother as he can leave the job off his cv without anyone questioning the gap too much.

I think its sadly fairly common. I had an ex who told me he robbed the tills of some petty cash at his first ever job! And this ex was now one of these do gooder save the earth types who spent loads of his time volunteering and worked in social care.
So dont think its an indication of how hes going to turn out.
Hes done a stupid teenage thing and now will have to face some consequences and will hopefully never do anything like this again

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gillybeanz · 04/05/2018 20:10

My ds was supermarket management and sorry to say that they didn't always prosecute staff, but they would always sack.
No possibility of resigning as they could be just as dishonest in the next job.
This was ASDA.

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MothQuandary · 04/05/2018 20:10

The exact details don’t really matter - there’s a group of supermarket workers doing something dodgy at work involving vouchers. It sounds like it must be illegal - fraud or theft or both.

He’s very young - only just an adult. If he’s not been in trouble with the police before and he’s not a ringleader, I imagine he’ll just get a caution for the sake of a few £3 vouchers. He will almost certainly lose his job, though. I don’t imagine there’s anything the union will be able to do to save him.

Hopefully he will learn his lesson. It’s not the end of the world. We’ve all done stupid things when we were teenagers. I had two police cautions in my early twenties and it didn’t ruin my life.

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PiggeryPorcombe · 04/05/2018 20:11

I have worked in supermarket security and loss prevention and I would not be surprised if they prosecuted. He will lose his job anyway so I’d be advising him to hand his notice in now so he doesn’t have the dismissal on his work record. They still may contact the police though depending on what evidence they have. I have known police involvement for far less though.

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