To be so very disappointed in my dd 18

[Metoodear]

So my 18 ds works in A well known supermarket and today he has been sent home with pay

He has been accused of fraudulent activity with a £3 voucher and the worse thing is I believe he did it he’s very worried fudgeing good

So over the last couple of weeks I noticed he had a lot of vouchers in his room the type people buy for birthday gifts when I asked he said his mate gave it to him bank However something didn’t sit right went a snooping and I found about £60 worth of different vouchers food and can ones

Then this week he told me he had an altercation with one of the security guards they accused him of stealing when he was in shopping

My husband said that was odd as he knows they guy and why would he just randomly accuse you of stealing on your day off

However we now think ds was trying to lay the ground work when he was eventually found and and say this was the issue

I think the guard was following ds however jumped the gun and altered ds to the fact they are being watched

9 of them have been put on gardening leave pending a investigation

I know in my gut something is going on and the vouchers having something to do with them I am beyond up set I tell you if dh hadn’t had a word with me I would of lost my shit

Came home today and ds was at home asked him what he was doing at home he lied said that all overtime shifts had been
cancelled having been —listening at the door—hoover I got a few bits about having a bad feeling and OMG everyone has been sent home and what did you tell them

I confronted ds and he dh said look you may as well tell us your mum thinks somethings up and she s usually right he then confessed he told us he didn’t do anything and joined and union this morning after 18 months of bugging him to so must be worried

I am ashamed and he earns just shy of 400 a month so no idea why he would shame him self or us like this

I am pretty certain the ship think their all in intogethet to will sack them all

Couldn't possibly say 😙🎶

eh? proofread??

No it was kwiksave of all places

I use to work in retail and while my store wasn't a supermarket so this may differ, we would never suspend without evidence. To the point we would have secret cameras put in over the till so we could monitor what was going on.

I will say, out of the maybe 500 cases I dealt with, none of them went to the police.

Most retail when asked for a reference will only say yes they worked from his date to this date. However store managers talk to each other, so I wouldn't rely on him being able to get a job nearby.

This is from my experience and maybe supermarkets are more likely to prosecute

Could he have been taking customer reward vouchers that customers don't want/haven't claimed?

It's probably some appalling illegality, but I doubt most people can see the harm in it. I know people rush round collecting untaken receipts in Tesco because some of them have cashback barcodes on them.

No I think they were re using a £3 voucher mostly vouchers are dead once used and think their was a glitch and they were using the voucher over and over and getting the matey on the till to hand it back so it could be re used so you would get £3 worth of shopping for nothing and if you kept on doing it

It's a shame, but maybe he needs more money for something that neither you, nor his job, can provide?

That doesn't really sound likely OP. Most vouchers have to be put in the till so the till balances. They would have to be stupid to think they could use the same one and nobody would notice.

I did exactly what he is doing when I was 18, and I didn't see it as stealing, I saw it as 'clever'. I actually purchased a discount card for the place I worked and ran it thru on customers orders then pocketed the difference. I worked there for a year and wasn't caught, it makes me feel utterly ashamed and horrified now, I cant see why I did it or what I was thinking. I have never done anything like this since, or before. It was a one off act of madness.

Be firm but kind with him. Tell him you love him and he needs to tell you the whole truth so that you can help him. Tell him that this kind of behaviour is a slippery slope and be tough, but loving, he is probably shitting his pants.

Yes tills definitely can have cctv, cctv was present in all 3 stores I worked at. It’s there to both protect staff (eg dodgy customers that insist you have them the wrong change, they gave you a £20 note but cctv proves otherwise) and also cases of internal theft. If it’s a large supermarket, there’s probably till cctv or at the very least cctv close enough that you can make out what is being scanned.

If he’s carrying out fraudulent transactions under his own till code, it isn’t difficult for management/security/admin to check his transactions. It’s incredibly simple, they can just search all his transactions involving Uber vouchers for example and match it to cctv to show it wasn’t a legitimate transaction. Very simple to detect, they probably do have evidence against him. In my experience, loss prevention tend to build cases of internal theft. So they were probably aware for a while but waited until they had a strong enough case against him before stepping in

It’s interesting that a group of staff were caught out.

If he's been involved in theft, he needs to know there will be consequences - could be a useful wake up call and make him think twice about future behaviour.

You can be clear you are disappointed and angry and at the same time will support him through whatever the consequences are. That's not the same as condoning it.

He needs to see that if he continues with theft, even if it doesn't go to court now, future consequences could be very harsh - and you don't want that for him.

Don't focus on the shame and the shame you feel for yourself but simply be clear how disappointed you are once and be clear that he will have to face whatever consequences, but you will not keep going on and on about shame and disappointment. If you make it very clear the first time, he will know.

So sorry Op. Can see why you're disappointed.

@lhastingsmua this is what I said that they were watching you

Also I think they had been going in on their days off and doing it and going to each other’s tills

He claims they have nothing on him he’s clearly rattled hence him joining the union this morning

Well unless his store is tiny or outdated, they probably do have cctv evidence. Even on the off chance that there’s no cctv, they will always have the record of till transactions that can simply be accessed from a computer. So tell your son it is very likely that they have solid evidence - it could even be another member of staff that called them out to management who then decided to personally start monitoring them.

So can non-management staff serve other staff at your son’s store then? Because that was always something that wasn’t allowed where I worked. Just the act of staff serving other staff members could have triggered someone to start watching their transactions more closely.

Just 😢😢😢😢have raised most like a thief and a liar feeling very said and it was only yesterday I was saying how proud he made me

What a difference a day makes

Our store allows non management staff to serve other staff. Tbh it wouldn't work if only management could serve staff.

Metoodear, tell him that when they call him for a meeeting he needs to listen respectfully, listen very carefully to the allegations against him and listen very carefully to the evidence. Then, whatever the truth of the situation he needs to tell the truth. And that if he has done wrong he needs to be very very apologetic.

Tell him that this could make the difference between the police being called or not.

He should not admit to anything that he has not done, but he must be truthful about what he has.

He has the right to have someone with him in a disciplinary meeting, union rep or other person.

People make mistakes OP especially when young, it doesn't make him a bad person, he just chose to do a bad thing (allegedly). He has plenty of time in his life to make better choices. I get why you feel the way you do though.

a lesson that ' they' are not as stupid as his teenage arrogance thinks they are. The sack and possibly prosecution.

trick is to be man enough to accept he has really fouled up and learn from it. doesnt reflect on you, he knew it was wrong.

I don’t care so much about the mistake but it’s the lying took us 2 hours to get to the truth and tbh I think their is still more because he’s not actually admitting it but admitted he was in trouble

One of the boys involved his mum and dad work their so fuck knows how that will pan out and I did say that family will trump friends and it’s very likey he will get a pass on the basis of his parents good name they have worked their for years

they sack the kid and keep the parents, no problem.

the lying is another bit of teenage ignorance and he is clearly crap at that too. a further lesson.

I did say that family will trump friends and it’s very likey he will get a pass on the basis of his parents good name they have worked their for years

If it is a major supermarket then this is not going to happen. He really needs to be truthful, are the others definitely involved or has he made that up so he doesn't look so bad?

Yes he has lied to you, but I think you are getting the balance of your upset wrong here.
He has stolen and been involved in theft. This, and the things this might reveal about his character, and the possible future consequences for him, of this seem to be key in this to me, not that you are hurt by the lying.

Perhaps he has lied to you lots of times before? Perhaps he has been involved in theft before? Perhaps he isn't quite the boy you thought he was? These are all possibilities. However, he is still your son and you need to focus now not on feeling upset about being lied to (ie the upset being about you and how you have been affected, rather than what he has done and the future) but on trying to make sure there is a more positive, mature future for him.

I think you need to be firm and clear that waht he has done is theft and theft can result in prison. You need to help him consider what he has done and the possible consequences for his job now, his future prospects and what will happen if he continues like this.

Perhaps he has had his head in the sand and thought it was a bit of fun or clever. You need to be clear that this is very serious - no treating him like a child and soft soaping it, but honesty is needed. You need to show you will support him through possible disciplinary action or police action, but that doesn't mean help him cover up, but help him be honest. And you'll help him look to the future. This would be good parenting now. It might be hard when you are feeling hurt, but the best you can do for him now is to help him face this honestly and face the future honestly. Him having a good future not one which is riddled with theft and the consequences depends on him being mature and choosing a change of direction at this point. In the end, this will be his choice but you can help guide him towards that choice.

Best of luck.

@sweeneytoddsrazor I don’t think so he didn’t tell me about the others I overheard that bit
Not sure he knows what the truth look likes

Supermarkets are shit hot at spotting this sort of thing - the big chains have data mining teams sitting in head office who specifically look for unusually frequent transactions with vouchers and discounts or points cards. They will know exactly what he's done and when, and they will have the CCTV and time card records to show who was in when. You would be amazed at how many people spot a workaround or a glitch and think 'whey-hey' and the loss prevention depts are kept very busy as a result.

He will more than likely be interviewed by loss prevention who will ask him to account for each and every unusual transaction and 'I don't know' is not an answer that will save his job. He can be sacked for not following process even if they can't prove theft and the union can only help him if the company have somehow not followed procedure themselves. They will have seen it all before - 'it's not fair they're sacking me because I wouldn't have done it if I'd known they'd catch me' probably makes up a substantial part of their caseload, when they could be supporting members who actually have genuine issues. They'll put his case and then afterwards have a cup of tea with the store manager and say 'yup, bang to rights that one.'

His best bet is to come clean and hope they don't take it to the police, or to resign and hope that they let him - they may refuse and choose to dismiss instead. But he needs to understand that unless his records are 100% spotless or he can account for every dodgy transaction he won't be kept on.

sweeneytoddsrazor fair enough. I worked in fashion retail and only management/team leaders could serve other staff that worked in the same branch. Any staff member could serve staff from other branches though. Staff also couldn’t serve friends/family members in case things like this happened

OP, it’s better he learns his lesson now at 18, before he ruins a career in his dream field further down the line. Take it as a blessing in disguise as he should hopefully grow and mature from this experience. He fucked up - stealing from work is an absolute no and hopefully he absolutely realises this now. I suspect his union will be very frank with him as well, which will humble him if he’s being cocky. It isn’t your fault. Just try to focus on damage control going forwards.