To be so very disappointed in my dd 18

[Metoodear]

So my 18 ds works in A well known supermarket and today he has been sent home with pay

He has been accused of fraudulent activity with a £3 voucher and the worse thing is I believe he did it he’s very worried fudgeing good


So over the last couple of weeks I noticed he had a lot of vouchers in his room the type people buy for birthday gifts when I asked he said his mate gave it to him bank However something didn’t sit right went a snooping and I found about £60 worth of different vouchers food and can ones


Then this week he told me he had an altercation with one of the security guards they accused him of stealing when he was in shopping

My husband said that was odd as he knows they guy and why would he just randomly accuse you of stealing on your day off

However we now think ds was trying to lay the ground work when he was eventually found and and say this was the issue


I think the guard was following ds however jumped the gun and altered ds to the fact they are being watched


9 of them have been put on gardening leave pending a investigation

I know in my gut something is going on and the vouchers having something to do with them I am beyond up set I tell you if dh hadn’t had a word with me I would of lost my shit

Came home today and ds was at home asked him what he was doing at home he lied said that all overtime shifts had been
cancelled having been —listening at the door—hoover I got a few bits about having a bad feeling and OMG everyone has been sent home and what did you tell them

I confronted ds and he dh said look you may as well tell us your mum thinks somethings up and she s usually right he then confessed he told us he didn’t do anything and joined and union this morning after 18 months of bugging him to so must be worried

I am ashamed and he earns just shy of 400 a month so no idea why he would shame him self or us like this

I am pretty certain the ship think their all in intogethet to will sack them all

[Missingstreetlife]

I think a warning won't show up, but a caution can, much as the police like to pretend it's nothing. Legal advice/no comment if it gets that far. Hopefully it blows over and lesson learned

[Cakeorchocolate]

Of course yanbu to be disappointed.

[Metoodear]

He’s never been in trouble with the police before.


He claims he hasn’t don’t anything and they won’t have any evidence

I don’t believe him sadly he looks panicked not cross

[RedB0at0nshore]

I think all employers would take this seriously. Some would say 'you don't harm the hand that feeds you'. Most large shops have CCTV and under cover security guards. It is also the principal that he is trying to steal/defraud from his employer.

[juniorcakeoff]

I am not intending to downplay your son's actions in any way. However I wanted to let you know that fraud/theft from workplaces was not unheard of amongst my peers who worked for supermarkets and people kind of told themselves it wasn't stealing, particularly if those supermarkets treated them like crap which they often did in those days. So people used to sell fags and booze to their underage friends, put loads of clubcard points on their friends cards, undercharge their friends, chuck in freebies, put stuff that was onsale back for their friends and family....they genuinely didn't think anything of it. All those people are now respectable members of society but were just immature idiots, a few got warnings or formal cautions for shoplifting type stuff and then couldn't get another shop job. This voucher thing sounds like peer idiocy rather than master criminals.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

He claims he hasn’t don’t anything and they won’t have any evidence

He would not have been suspended without evidence

[CocoLoco87]

I used to work for a supermarket as a uni student. People got the sack for shoplifting sweets, eating food from the counters (deli, bakery etc) without paying. They were never prosecùted and police never involved. They were just quietly asked to leave the store and not come back. They were only cases of people working alone though, not a group situation like your son is in.

Hopefully the police won't be involved, he'll be asked to leave, and this will be a wake up call for him. Sorry you're going through this

[Metoodear]

@PiggeryPorcombe. I am going to say to him tonight I can can keep it together with out loosening it

That I don’t care if he thinks they have no evidence that if he’s been up to anything or even got a wiff of anything that he needs to resign before he gets sacked as that is the least worst option

Only he knows if he’s really done anything I just strongly think he has

But sadly he’s the type to fight on even when he knows he’s lying and would be outraged at the thought even though he is on the wrong

[flyingspaghettimonster]

If it really is for activating gift vouchers and paying just 3 pounds each, I'd think prosecution is likely, especially as there are a bunch of them, it will be something to make an example of.

[loopylass13]

One of my cousins did this, marking items way lower than their actual price then buying them. She was the only one sacked but a few staff were doing too, so she ended up with compensation . Youth do silly things sometimes. hopefully a lesson learnt

[Metoodear]

@sweeneytoddsrazor I know you will here no defending from me I think he is as guilty as sin I did already say he looks panicked not outraged

[Metoodear]

He saying you can activate the vouchers unless you paid for them

But the question is how fudgeing much are you paying

[NotTheFordType]

Can you and/or DH sit him down and say

DS you've obviously done something wrong. Please be honest with us right now about what's happened. You are young and probably don't realise that this situation could affect the whole of the rest of your life. If you get a criminal record your job prospects will be hugely limited for a long time.

But if you tell us the truth we can take legal advice on what your best course of action should be, whether that's to resign before the hearing or sweat it out until you know what evidence the employer has (which you are legally entitled to see before any hearing takes place.)

OP I know you're in shock right now and disappointed, but you're not going to get the truth, and be able to help your boy, unless you show that him telling you the truth is not going to result in him getting a massive bollocking and a load of emotional pain from you.

(Obviously the bollocking comes after you've dealt with the practicalities)

I do have to say, £400 a month is fuck all if you have friends and enjoy going out, even if you're not paying rent and board. I mean that's 4 nights out per month with taxis, food and drinks. Obviously he's been an idiot trying to steal from an employer, but his impulse to earn more money could be channeled into getting a better job or working more hours, or a second job even.

[FleurDelacoeur]

Sounds like him and his colleagues have been fiddling vouchers somehow. Stealing, to put it in plain English.

Their employer has found out, and suspended them while they investigate the facts. This is correct procedure in this sort of case.

If they can prove theft, that's gross misconduct and they will all be sacked.

Whether the employer decides to involve the Police or not is up to them, and whether the Police do anything about it will depend on the evidence. A caution/conviction is a criminal record but will be considered spent under the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act after a certain period, depending on the sentence and the age of the person concerned. However, it might be disclosed on an Enhanced Disclosure forever.

[MyOtherUsernameisaPun]

Doing it is one thing but lying about it now is so much worse. I would tell him that if he comes clean now you can help and support him but if he lies and is found out it will destroy all trust.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

He is correct, in order to activate a gift card/voucher, it has to be scanned and a receipt with the authorisation on it is printed when paid. until that point the card is not activated. I don't know how he can pay less for it though, our tills wouldn't accept it.

[longestlurkerever]

I'm not really sure what the point is of resigning. He won't be able to get a reference from them anyway. I'd be putting my all into persuading them not to prosecute. Maybe get legal advice as to the best way to do this? Offering to pay back the money I imagine?

[FASH84]

A guy I knew from childhood worked in a supermarket that no longer exists when we were at sixth form , he got caught doing dodgy things with refunds and vouchers. They prosecuted, he got a suspended sentence (which is quite onerous for a first offence) with community service, a huge fine and disclosable breach of trust and theft from employer convictions. I hate to say it OP but he was head boy and on a good track but has ended up working as a retail assistant manager on low income struggling to support his partner and kids, because his brother could get him the job initially as a sales assistant without any checks etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his job, but it certainly wasn't what he was aiming for. He's now 34 so it's 16 years on and still in retail. It's such a shame, in honest moments in the past he's expressed regret that he feels he messed up his life.

[Metoodear]

@NotTheFordType But his friends earn the same he works weekends and tbh I think it is a lot I don’t like in London do things round here are very cheap and tbh a lot of the vouchers are for Uber and the cinema his employer gives him a discount on the cinema if he borthered to bloody log in to the website

He also gets 20% on games food and elateical items and they have partners with 12 other shops that’s he gets discounts he also gets student discounts

So I really think he being a fudgeing greedy pig I think most adults don’t have £400 a month surplus to just spunk

[DontDribbleOnTheCarpet]

I obviously don't know what happened, but can I just say that the idea that mothers always know when their children aren't being truthful is utter bollocks. My mother only ever believed me when I was telling huge lies (like that I hadn't drunk myself sick, the pub ice machine had given me food poisoning). If I'd been accused of anything like this, she would have believed it even though I never would have stolen from an employer.
Even if he has done something really stupid, he needs your help to face up to it and learn from it. Of course he's scared- this has got very serious, very fast and he will be worried about going to prison etc. I would be scared too and I've done nothing criminal.

[lhastingsmua]

^Agreed, I used to work in fashion retail and I’m not quite how how the gift cards were loaded with more money than actually paid. Gift cards are one of those items that NO discount would work on: staff discount, press discount, student discount, whatever discount you try, nothing will alter the price. Gift cards would always be loaded with the exact amount paid too.

But then you mention Uber vouchers which makes me think it’s not the actual company gift cards and so might be more susceptible to till fraud.

Honestly at 18 I’d just tell him to sort himself out, stealing from work is beyond bummy. Luckily for him it isn’t difficult to land a job in retail, so his focus should be on damage control and possibly gaining an ok/basic reference. If not, he could probably land another retail job by leaving this one off his cv (from my experience of a flagship supervisor in charge of store recruitment, people lied on their cvs all the time and people we fired landed new jobs fairly quickly. It’s not the end of his life)

[FASH84]

A guy I knew from childhood worked in a supermarket that no longer exists when we were at sixth form , he got caught doing dodgy things with refunds and vouchers. They prosecuted, he got a suspended sentence (which is quite onerous for a first offence) with community service, a huge fine and disclosable breach of trust and theft from employer convictions. I hate to say it OP but he was head boy and on a good track but has ended up working as a retail assistant manager on low income struggling to support his partner and kids, because his brother could get him the job initially as a sales assistant without any checks etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his job, but it certainly wasn't what he was aiming for. He's now 34 so it's 16 years on and still in retail. It's such a shame, in honest moments in the past he's expressed regret that he feels he messed up his life.

[FASH84]

Sorry double post!!

[NotTheFordType]

Oooh Fash84 was it Safeway?

[NotTheFordType]

Actually ignore me because I was just having 80s nostalgia and that could be quite outing.