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DM keeps calling me an "abusive" parent

(91 Posts)
boboismylove Mon 12-Mar-18 18:26:14

My DM has repeatedly called me an abusive parent. She is horrified that I co-sleep with my 11 month old, and thinks he should be in nursery. She said I need to "separate" myself from him and that its "abusive" to keep him relying on me. She was also having a go at me for breastfeeding too much as he was slow weaning, but he eats a lot now.
When I get upset when she haves a go at me, then she calls me "abusive" again for getting upset in front of the baby.

I'm a lone parent working p/t nights from home, and me and my baby are very happy.

I just don't know how she can casually use such language. Its really upsetting me.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 12-Mar-18 18:27:56

I think you need to tell her to fuck off but be prepared for a lot of nonsemce calls to your local safeguarding team

Babymamamama Mon 12-Mar-18 18:30:54

Wow you poor thing. It's your mother who is being abusive. Sounds like you are doing a great job. She must have issues.

Weebo Mon 12-Mar-18 18:31:08

Next time she says anything of the sort literally tell her to fuck off.

Of course he relies on you - He's a baby.

Please stand up for yourself because this will only get worse as your son gets older.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 12-Mar-18 18:31:13

Yep, I would

a. have a word with your health visitor - just to get this on record - bring it up as in 'the only stress I have at the moment is my mum, she's pushing her ideas on me quite aggressively and threateningly (details) so that's really difficult but other than that we are fine...'

b. then tell your mum to fuck RIGHT OFF. She will have the shock of her life - and you'll either be well rid, or she will learn a sharp lesson and you can rebuild your relationship on more respectful ground. Oh and if she tries to any malicious reporting if you cut her off, you'll already have it on record that she was harrassing you...

Topseyt Mon 12-Mar-18 18:31:46

Tell her to bugger off.

Whocansay Mon 12-Mar-18 18:32:13

Keep her at arm's length. She's trying to bully you into doing it her way. Tell her it's none of her business. She's not exactly someone to listen to if she thinks it's OK to have a go at you until you cry and then berate you further for being upset.

picklemepopcorn Mon 12-Mar-18 18:32:27

Does she look after him while you are at work?

WineAndTiramisu Mon 12-Mar-18 18:32:34

Tell her to fuck off and refuse to speak to her.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Mon 12-Mar-18 18:33:04

You know you are right. Have you tried explaining to her that there’s been a lot of research since she had her babies?

Please don’t get upset in front of your (D)M. Don’t give her the power. Yiu nee to smile, nod and completely ignore.

How often are you seeing her? My DM can be fucking awful. If she’s ever started on me in front of the DC I just put their coats on and go home. If she’s not nice, she doesn’t get to see her DGC and there’s no negotiation. I had to put up with enough shit when I was young. There is no way she’s getting away with it with them or trying to put me down in front of them either.

picklemepopcorn Mon 12-Mar-18 18:33:17

Oh, you work from home while the baby is asleep? Well then I'd tell her to go and jump.

WhoUpsetTheEquilibrium Mon 12-Mar-18 18:33:49

Tell her to fuck off and NC until she stops being a twat.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Mon 12-Mar-18 18:33:57

At best she’s batshit at worst she’s abusive herself. Not just the frankly, nasty uncalled for accusations but the way she reacts when you are understandably upset, by putting the boot in even more.

What was your relationship like with her before your baby was born?

MotherofDinosaurs Mon 12-Mar-18 18:34:21

Your DM is an IDIOT! You sound like you're doing a great job. Please take no notice. My 2.5 year old still sleeps in my bed!

Namechangetempissue Mon 12-Mar-18 18:35:39

"If you are going to speak to me like that I will no longer have any contact with you. Your accusations are spiteful and wrong and I will not put up with it"

SunshineAfterRain Mon 12-Mar-18 18:35:53

If you felt comfortable to... I would say something to the effect of
"And what do you think you are doing to me? This is abuse"
Keep pointing out her own flaws.
Are you able to take a step back from her. Maybe reduced visits?

(As a ps) I love co-sleeping with my wee ones and when done safe is a special memory and bond you are creating.
My d's won't start nursery until he is 3 but it doesn't mean I can't socialise the baby at playgroups etc.
Please don't get upset. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job flowers

falsepriest Mon 12-Mar-18 18:36:38

Tell her to FRO.

flumpybear Mon 12-Mar-18 18:37:20

She's very wrong yo sound like a fantastic parent!

Okaynowimconfused Mon 12-Mar-18 18:38:04

She sounds dreaful OP and I hope you're not justifying yourself to her. Keep repeating "he is a baby" and that her behaviour towards you is abusive.

Weebo Mon 12-Mar-18 18:41:01

I believe this sort of behavior comes from deep-set insecurity and envy.

She see's you choosing to parent differently as a criticism on her and is pissed off that you are actually doing really well as a mum. Better than she did.

That and she's a dick.

You're going great OP. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Weebo Mon 12-Mar-18 18:41:54

Doing* Opps.

boboismylove Mon 12-Mar-18 18:47:06

Yes, I work from home while the baby is asleep. I don't see her that often - actually this was a rant when I phoned her to say happy mothers day. There are areas where I could improve as a parent - like I haven't got round to taking him to playgroup yet! But its framing this stuff as "abusive" that really upsets me - it goes beyond nagging which I guess lots of grandparents do!

When I was pregnant she seriously doubted I would manage - I'm in my mid twenties and was quite messy/ disorganised/ career focused/ travelled a lot....but I've actually had a relatively smooth experience of motherhood so far compared to lots of my friends - I feel this actually annoys her for some reason.

puglife15 Mon 12-Mar-18 18:47:52

She's full of shit. I misread your post originally as cosleeping at 11 years old and even that wouldn't strike me as particularly strange.

WeeMadArthur Mon 12-Mar-18 18:48:44

Just wanted to add another vote to telling her to fuck right off. Sounds like you are doing just fine.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin Mon 12-Mar-18 18:52:24

Read what Weebo said.


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