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To resent DP?

(115 Posts)
HannaPintura Sat 10-Feb-18 19:48:40

Dp and I have been together for coming up to 9 years, moved in together about 5 months after getting together.

He's always been more or less the same, apart from maybe the first year when he was a gentleman personified.

We both work full time, he is usually home before I am.

Firstly, he does nothing around the house. Absolutely nothing. When I ask him to do anything, he does it so badly or makes more of a mess that I tend not to ask him much.

Secondly, he plays a foreign lottery. He wins frequently, a few times a month, always between £200 and £2000. Sometimes he doesn't tell m he's won, but if he does, he never shares. He'll usually say he will put some away towards a break, but never will offer me any cash even if he knows it's the end of the month and a financial struggle for me. Which gets me onto my next point. I'm quite sensible with money and usually fine at the end of the month, but occasionally, nasty unexpected bits come up that swallow my hard earned cash. Like this month. Dp has a savings account with around £4000 in and so a few days ago I asked him if I could please borrow £40 from his savings to tide me over for 5 days til pay day and I'd immediately repay my debt to him. He refused saying that because his work was quiet (he's self-employed) he might need his savings and gave me a huge lecture on how I should be more careful to stretch my money to last. I was and am really quite upset.

These are just a few issues that are really making me very resentful of him and for the first time ever, I find myself looking at other men and fancying them. When he walks in, I feel so resentful of him that I feel angry and have a ball of negative feeling in my chest. I know it's probably come to its natural end but AIBU?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Sat 10-Feb-18 19:50:13

Yanbu, ltb! He doesn't sound like he has any redeeming features!

GertrudeCB Sat 10-Feb-18 19:53:28

Why are you with him if you dislike him so much?

Snowydaysarehere Sat 10-Feb-18 19:54:29

I hope your wandering eyes do indeed find you a more attractive man. Skinflintism is a def turn off for me.
New mn word :Skinflintism!
Seriously, he is a tight arse and you need to ltb..
Image if you have dc...

HannaPintura Sat 10-Feb-18 19:55:51

Hello zigzag, he can be kind at times and he is very tolerant of my illness which is kind. He'll take me away a few times a year and texts me through the day nice messages.

I forgot to say too that I can't drive because of health issues and commute a 4 hour round trip daily to work. He refuses to pick me up to ever make life easier for me. I am exhausted.

mumonashoestring Sat 10-Feb-18 19:55:54

What exactly is he for? Seriously, you know that saying 'have nothing in your life that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful'? Well it doesn't sound like you think he's beautiful and he certainly isn't useful...

Trashboat Sat 10-Feb-18 19:56:10

He is tight. £4k sitting in the bank and he is happy to watch you struggle rather than lend you £40.

Dump his tight arse. You do not want to be like this forever.

ivykaty44 Sat 10-Feb-18 19:56:33

So how does his laundry get done? Does he pay someone? Do his own laundry? What does he eat? Does he eat out every night or cook himself something to eat?

HannaPintura Sat 10-Feb-18 19:56:50

Because I love him Gertrude. He's not all bad.

Softkitty2 Sat 10-Feb-18 19:57:13

Do you see yourself having children with him? If you do think long and hard.

What is £40 that he couldnt even lend it you?!

mumonashoestring Sat 10-Feb-18 19:57:20

Seriously? Dump him and PM me your number, I'll send you nice texts and you can enjoy reading them while not picking up after him.

Mysteriouscurle Sat 10-Feb-18 19:57:31

So what is it that YOU are getting out of this relationship? You dont need to answer here just answer yourself honestly.

Trashboat Sat 10-Feb-18 19:57:37

Oh god. Your update make him sound even worse.

He tolerates your illness. What a prince among men hmm

Snowydaysarehere Sat 10-Feb-18 19:58:52

How could you marry him when he would be lying about the in sickness and in health. He isn't nice op. Maybe the idea of him is more pleasant?

Softkitty2 Sat 10-Feb-18 19:59:08

Actions speak louder than words. Love means doing what you can for the person you love.

Words are cheap

Ragwort Sat 10-Feb-18 20:01:52

Because I love him Gertrude. He's not all bad. hmm.

Oh FFS, posts like this make me want to scream and any sympathy I might have had has just run out.

How can you genuinely love someone who treats you so badly, you might be infatuated, it might be lust (do you honestly enjoy sex with this horrible sounding man) - but please, have some self esteem, leave him, learn to love and respect yourself and if you get involved with someone else make sure they love and respect YOU.

Nomorechickens Sat 10-Feb-18 20:02:06

So you have been together for 9 years, you do all the housework, you have totally separate finances, he won't give you a lift or lend you £40 for a few days. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere and he is getting much more out of it than you.

Aftereights91 Sat 10-Feb-18 20:05:58

Bloody hell me and oh combined finances when we moved in together, because we're a family and we either succeed together or struggle together. You should be a partnership not seperate

Yawnyprawn Sat 10-Feb-18 20:06:00

So if i read your first post right, you've lived together for nearly 9 years but he doesn't share the housework or his money. He is 'kind at times' and 'tolerates' your illness but does sod all to help you out?

It sounds like he wants all the trappings of a committed relationship without putting any of the effort in. A nice text here and there is cute, but actions say an awful lot too.

LTB. You deserve so much more. flowers

Queuejumper Sat 10-Feb-18 20:07:49

What use is he tbh?! You can do so much better. He sounds plain old mean.

HannaPintura Sat 10-Feb-18 20:09:56

He has redeeming feature. He's kind and gentle and he's a quiet soul but he doesn't listen to me at all. For example, a relatives neighbour doesn't like anyone using her garden as a shortcut to get to other houses which is fair enough. Dp has cut through her garden before and I've told him a few times now not to do it as it pisses off the neighbour. Last time we were there he did it again and me and relative were telling him to get off the garden and he took not a blind bit of notice. Another time we were looking after friends 4 month old baby and were told to just give her baby milk. DP had those Nutella mini breadsticks and dip snack pot you can get and proceeds to feed the baby the chocolate Nutella off the breadstick. I asked him wtf he was doing, the baby was 4 months old!!! He said sorry but he thought it was ok, so I said no and explained why, and when I left the room I caught him doing it again. I'm so so bloody tired of this shit.

ijustwannadance Sat 10-Feb-18 20:12:23

He is a lazy dick and you are his personal slave. He should've gave you £40 ffs.
He tolorates your illness? Oh he's a keeper then.hmm

LTB. Then move nearer to work so you don't have the daft commute and will be less exhausted.

Strongvegetables Sat 10-Feb-18 20:12:26

He sounds really mean. And when posters point it out you jump to his defence 🙈

I think you’ve just got used to his twattyness

Regularsizedrudy Sat 10-Feb-18 20:13:06

So why are you with him?

Fosterdog123 Sat 10-Feb-18 20:13:32

Please don't waste your life on this man. You are not his domestic slave and I honestly can't see what, if any, positives you get from being with him.

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