To resent DP?

[HannaPintura]

Dp and I have been together for coming up to 9 years, moved in together about 5 months after getting together.

He's always been more or less the same, apart from maybe the first year when he was a gentleman personified.

We both work full time, he is usually home before I am.

Firstly, he does nothing around the house. Absolutely nothing. When I ask him to do anything, he does it so badly or makes more of a mess that I tend not to ask him much.

Secondly, he plays a foreign lottery. He wins frequently, a few times a month, always between £200 and £2000. Sometimes he doesn't tell m he's won, but if he does, he never shares. He'll usually say he will put some away towards a break, but never will offer me any cash even if he knows it's the end of the month and a financial struggle for me. Which gets me onto my next point. I'm quite sensible with money and usually fine at the end of the month, but occasionally, nasty unexpected bits come up that swallow my hard earned cash. Like this month. Dp has a savings account with around £4000 in and so a few days ago I asked him if I could please borrow £40 from his savings to tide me over for 5 days til pay day and I'd immediately repay my debt to him. He refused saying that because his work was quiet (he's self-employed) he might need his savings and gave me a huge lecture on how I should be more careful to stretch my money to last. I was and am really quite upset.

These are just a few issues that are really making me very resentful of him and for the first time ever, I find myself looking at other men and fancying them. When he walks in, I feel so resentful of him that I feel angry and have a ball of negative feeling in my chest. I know it's probably come to its natural end but AIBU?

Darling everyone has some redeeming features but when they're disguised under an avalanche of shitty behaviours to the point you have to scrape the barrel for things like 'he tolerates my illness' that tells me you're clinging to him because you fear that there could be worse men out there, not because he's the best.

Off topic but what's the lottery he is playing??? Seriously though, you are either equal partners or you're not. That means a division of money and labour you are both comfortable with, not one person working harder and the other watching them struggle. Time for an honest talk with DP and honest chat with yourself about what you're prepared to accept.

Oh God he sounds like a head fuck. Leave leave leave and take your self respect with you. My DH would give me his last fiver if I needed it

On a side note, what bloody foreign lottery is he winning so much money on? Could do with a few quid.
Although I suspect he spends a lot to win so much.

Come on OP, you throw in one comment about his "kindness" followed by way more examples of his twattiness - I think you already know the answer.
Stop defending him - this is AIBU! 😁

Have you tried simply chatting to him about it?

I'm so so bloody tired of this shit.

Good - you have recognised that this is shit behaviour and you shouldn't put up with it.

Start planning how to leave - do you rent? Do you own your house? Is there anywhere you can go immediately?

Ragwort; I know and in a few months our tenancy is due for renewal, we are definitely moving out of here supposedly together but I'm thinking of going it alone but I'm so so worried. Worried about nothing the stress of sorting out final bills etc with him, stressed about him getting out on time so we get deposit back etc...just scared. I seem to find myself crying so much more than I'm happy these days.

He sounds like an arse. If you do finish it, which it sounds like you're considering, would you be able to move closer to your work? I couldn't travel four hours a day for anyone.

He's not kind. If he was, he would give you 40 fucking pounds without a thought and without a lecture.

LTB

He sounds like a proper nasty selfish cunt actually. And a cocklodger to boot.

You say you love/like him because he's kind...

Refusing to lend you £40 isn't kind.

Refusing to pick you up isn't kind.

Walking through a garden when you've been asked not to isn't kind.

Feeding a baby fucking Nutella isn't kind (borderline abusive especially when you'd said not to and explained why, if that had been my baby I'd have fucking lamped him).

Open your eyes FFS.

In what way is this a partnership? Seriously - you do all the domestic stuff yet you both work full time, your finances are totally separate and he wont lift a finger even to lend you a few quid or pick you up from the station?? He has it all his own way, doesnt he?! And the little text messages are to show what a nice guy he is and keep you on the hook, his little house-keeper-come-provider-of-sex.

I am sorry to be so harsh but this guy is a total jerk and you deserve so much better. Thank goodness your moving date is coming up - ltb and move close to work for a cheaper, quicker commute and a better life/work balance. All the stress you suffer due to him being a lazy cunt will just evaporate. Just think how good that will feel!

Don't sign up for a lifetime of this shit.

He'll be feeding your child Nutella next

Re the stress of moving out and getting the final bills sorted etc, would it be possible to tell him that the last day of your tenancy is actually 2/3 weeks before it actually is? It would give you a little breathing space if he acts like a dick.

But for now, start looking at lovely places to rent nearer to your work. Where is that? Perhaps the hive-mind can come up with some lovely suggestions for you to make you feel better/give you a little hope!

He's an arse. Your tenancy is ending - use this opportunity to find a place of your own closer to your job and end this shitty relationship.

Full weight tosser, lose him.

Leave before the tenancy ends and let him deal with the final bills. Go get a bedsit near your job if you have to, but get out as soon as you.can. Next weekend, even!

use the end of the tenancy to get out. he is awful op and the fact you think he is kind really means you need some counselling with youve got shot of him. can you just put off finding a new house mas nothing is quite right, dont sign up to anything and then walk away.

I don't know what you are after from this thread.
You say how awful he is, people give you advice and then you just stick up for him.
Carry on but realize he is awful to you and you are allowing it to happen.

The thought of someone giving my 4mo baby Nutella makes me almost murderous! He sounds like a dreadful person in so many ways. He’s so self centred and mean spirited that you’re crying most days, so please don’t move again with him. It’s always hard branching out alone, but you’ll be in control of your own happiness at least.

I agree with everyone else, he's not kind and you should LTB. Don't waste anymore time with him, and move closer to work.

And I'm really curious what lottery he plays too!

Plan to leave - to move somewhere much closer to your work and much more convenient for non-drivers.

He is not kind!

He's lazy, mean, thoughtless, unkind and irresponsible (feeding the baby nutella - wtaf!)

You are doing a four hour commute, you suffer from ill-health and he doesn't lift a finger.

Move near to work and get some counselling so you understand what love is. Because he doesn't love you and whatever you are feeling for him, that isn't it either.

This is like therapy getting it all out, hope you all don't mind but I remember a time late last year around September time I was away by the sea about an hour away from our home, alone for a night as he was working so I booked myself into a lovely hotel. I had a great day but woke up in the early hours in my hotel room being violently sick with awful diarrhea. I was being sick every 30 mins or so. I've never felt so ill. Come morning I was just as bad so I called him explained how ill I was in graphic detail and asked if he'd collect me and take me home as there was no way I would make it on the train. He said he had too much on at work so couldn't come for me. I pleaded but he said he couldn't. Bear in mind he can pick and choose when he works. He's self employed and no one relies on him to be there really so it's not a shop or anything no meetings in his type of work he wouldnt have been letting anyone down, so I had to book myself another night so I had access to a toilet to contain my sickness. I told him I just wanted to be home and in my own bed while I was sick but he wouldn't budge :(

So many signs of being selfish, disregarding others... And those things only tend to get worse with time. Of course there will be positives. But the things you mentioned seem bad enough for you to seriously consider ending this relationship. You might suffer for a month or two, but Spring will be here to help you heal!