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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent DP?

114 replies

HannaPintura · 10/02/2018 19:48

Dp and I have been together for coming up to 9 years, moved in together about 5 months after getting together.

He's always been more or less the same, apart from maybe the first year when he was a gentleman personified.

We both work full time, he is usually home before I am.

Firstly, he does nothing around the house. Absolutely nothing. When I ask him to do anything, he does it so badly or makes more of a mess that I tend not to ask him much.

Secondly, he plays a foreign lottery. He wins frequently, a few times a month, always between £200 and £2000. Sometimes he doesn't tell m he's won, but if he does, he never shares. He'll usually say he will put some away towards a break, but never will offer me any cash even if he knows it's the end of the month and a financial struggle for me. Which gets me onto my next point. I'm quite sensible with money and usually fine at the end of the month, but occasionally, nasty unexpected bits come up that swallow my hard earned cash. Like this month. Dp has a savings account with around £4000 in and so a few days ago I asked him if I could please borrow £40 from his savings to tide me over for 5 days til pay day and I'd immediately repay my debt to him. He refused saying that because his work was quiet (he's self-employed) he might need his savings and gave me a huge lecture on how I should be more careful to stretch my money to last. I was and am really quite upset.

These are just a few issues that are really making me very resentful of him and for the first time ever, I find myself looking at other men and fancying them. When he walks in, I feel so resentful of him that I feel angry and have a ball of negative feeling in my chest. I know it's probably come to its natural end but AIBU?

OP posts:
Willowfrost · 11/02/2018 10:15

Life is way too short, you deserve better.

sexnotgender · 11/02/2018 10:22

The fact he wouldn’t inconvenience himself to come pick you up when you are sick tells me he doesn’t give 2 shits about you.

For comparison, my brother got a call at 4am from his EX girlfriend asking him to pick her up as it was an emergency. He kindly did this and actually insisted he take to A&E - good thing he did as doctors said she would have bled out otherwise.

That’s what nice people do, they’re not in a relationship and my brother lives with his long term girlfriend and he still did it as she needed him.

GabsAlot · 11/02/2018 10:55

you can go whnever u like hes got all those savings he can pay the bloody rent

expatinscotland · 11/02/2018 11:03

Find a flat/house share or lodging accommodation closer to your job and move out. He's a twat.

Walrust00th · 11/02/2018 11:19

Start looking how much to rent a room in a shared house or a small flat nearer where you work. Find out how much deposit, fees, monthly charge and if bills are included. Look at your existing tenancy and see how much notice you have to provide to leave. Your ex partner can stay there or rent somewhere cheaper (that's not your problem). ,Your partner is unkind and he can spend 1000s on gambling, but give or lend you $40 !. You have no future staying with your partner. If you don't have any spare cash, start saving

Walrust00th · 11/02/2018 11:46

I am going to add that your partner will not change. However, you can make lots of changes and start a new life

BackInTheRoom · 11/02/2018 12:07

You know that extra night you had to spend In that hotel? That was him saying 'fuck you'.

Sort the tenancy out and get out of dodge. Then after that, look in to codependency and work out why you put people first instead of yourself. 💐

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 11/02/2018 12:26

OP, speak to the landlord, or the agency if that's how it's done. You might be able to negotiate coming off the lease early and arrange for your portion of the deposit to be paid directly to you.

This chap is an arsehole, he's not nice at all. Much like my ex.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/02/2018 12:33

Start to plan your new accommodation when current lease run out
Don’t renew a joint tenancy with him or you’ll be financially linked to him
And it’ll have massive financial implications if you then split up,you’ll be liable for rent
So sit it out til current lease ends,use the time to find a flat share
If your happy with current LL can you ask does he have other flatshare

ugghhreally · 11/02/2018 12:53

I'm sorry OP Obviously we've only a snapshot of your relationship, but what you've described are not the actions of a "kind" man... good luck, I hope things improve for you whatever you decide to do.

Jux · 11/02/2018 14:23

You will never meet a decent man who loves, cherishes and respects you while you're with the shit you're with now.

Read the opening post of the thread stickied at the top of the Relationships board, the one entitled 'Right. Listen up everybody'

Mrskeats · 11/02/2018 14:35

Seriously look up 'kind' in the dictionary. None of this is kind.
He spends 12 grand s year gambling and lectures you about money? Unbelievable. That's without all the other treating you like crap.
Dump him.

MotherofaSurvivor · 11/02/2018 16:48

Get an Occupational Order via the NCDV and then throw him out! This order allows you to throw him out whether his name is on house Tenancy or not! He also has to stay away from the property until end of Tenancy!!!

Jux · 11/02/2018 18:26

Talk to your Landlord about him releasing you early - he can hang on to p who can clearly afford it on his own.

You however, need to be much nearer where you work and as the relationship is over .....

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