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To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

(728 Posts)
yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:41:59

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:42:29

Sorry that turned out quite long blush

ryvitaandchocolate Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:16

I think yabu sorry, girls always say it's their period as a sort of get out of jail free pass, not saying your dd was. If her periods are that heavy is it worth her nipping to the loo between lessons?

Sparklingbrook Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:36

I would be complaining, and I am not a complainer. There is so much wrong with that it's hard to know where to begin.

QuietNinjaTardis Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:37

I went out with some in his early 20's who had no idea how periods worked and asked if it just spits out every so often. hmm I gave him that face.
Write a letter saying he needs to brush up on his biology and it's not something you can hold in. What a dick.

Sanshin Mon 11-Dec-17 18:45:06

Hold it in???!!! How the fuck is she meant to do that? Does the moron not realise that we don't piss out blood voluntarily? If we could do that there would be no need for sanitary products surely? God I am actually raging on your behalf. The Dickhead needs telling.

QueenLaBeefah Mon 11-Dec-17 18:46:42

I would definitely complain.

RedSkyAtNight Mon 11-Dec-17 18:46:54

Unless DD has just started her periods then she must have some idea of how long she needs to go between pad changes ... so she really should have gone before the lesson. (Surely your lessons aren't longer than an hour ... so she went from fine to almost leaking in 30 minutes?)

I actually think you can hold menstrual blood in to some degree by tightening your pelvic floor muscles. But I expect the teacher was just saying "you need to wait" in a bit of a rubbish way.

Reallytired17 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:47:01

It’s true - girls do use “it’s my period” to get out.

I’ve never had a period myself that would cause instant drowning in a half hour, I must admit.

ivenoideawhatimdoing Mon 11-Dec-17 18:47:09

Complain to high heaven!

What if she'd leaked everywhere? I bet he'd have let her go to the toilet pretty sharpish.

Hold it in? What a berk!

flumpybear Mon 11-Dec-17 18:48:09

He's wring - as a kid I was prone to flooding from time to time and worried about it so much so I wore cycling shorts sometimes?! Ridiculous now I know lol 😝

ivenoideawhatimdoing Mon 11-Dec-17 18:48:18

I get huge gushes of blood that go through whatever I'm wearing. If I'm lucky enough to be near a bathroom I can usually salvage my outfit - if not I need a full change.

Your poor daughter - he needs having a word with so that this doesn't happen again.

flumpybear Mon 11-Dec-17 18:48:46

* wrong!

cakeymccakington Mon 11-Dec-17 18:48:58

I would guess that he thought she just needed a wee and had then volunteered the period info as an extra maybe?
Being a man he may simply not have realised quite what she was getting at??

I'm being generous here. I'd still contact school though and let them know that some members of staff may need reminding that teen girls will sometimes NEED to be allowed out during class

HarrietSchulenberg Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:00

If he did say, "Hold it in", I imagine he hadn't appreciated the exact nature of your dd's request to leave. It sounds like he misunderstood and thought she wanted a wee.

MaisyPops Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:00

Unless she is new to starting her periods then I would expect students to make use of time to change sanitary products.
Eg. Women know if we are a new pad every 2 hours ir every 4 etc.

Sadly, some girls do use having yheir period as some sort of get out of jail free card.

I agree with him saying just wait half an hour. I think his phrasing was clumsy though.

treeofhearts Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:01

You can't use loos between lessons as they are locked in most schools.

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:14

Yes, complain. That teacher needs some basic understanding of periods and flooding.

@Reallytired17, do you think that because you've not experienced it, that it's not possible and the OPs DD is lying for some reason?

Bekabeech Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:29

I would get a Doctors note if she has very heavy periods.
Yes some girls do use it as an excuse. Equally even teenagers can have very heavy periods and it can be an emergency.
My DCs school have "cards" for all kinds of reasons why pupils should be treated differently - I am certain there is an "allow to use the toilet one.

cakeymccakington Mon 11-Dec-17 18:50:55

@redsky you must be very lucky with your periods!
I have had many a time when I've been sat down, no issue and all of a sudden passed a massive rush of blood b that would leak everywhere.
In fact until I got my coil fitted that was every period I had

Fortybingowings Mon 11-Dec-17 18:51:05

Get a grip. Agree with Redsky above. Personally I’d have a chat with her about popping to the loo to change protection between lessons rather than leaping at the chance to complain.

newnamechange84 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:51:11

YANBU - even at 32 I can go from fine to leaking through a ramp in and my clothes in half an hour... unfortunately he teacher is probably used to girls using it as an excuse sometimes BUT he duplicated have let her go.

Girliefriendlikesflowers Mon 11-Dec-17 18:51:19

In these situations (where teachers are being idiotic about the toilet rules) I would always tell my dd to just leave and go to the toilet, if she gets into trouble then so be it - I would back her up.

Trying to deal with a period leak or a dodgy tummy it would be worse to not go to the loo and spend the rest of your school life remembered as 'that girl who leaked everywhere or shat herself' then nipping out of the classroom for 5 mins and maybe getting a detention.

AlexanderHamilton Mon 11-Dec-17 18:51:29

I would complain but Dd has such heavy periods that start with no warning & at her worst she can't last 45 mins. (She's on medication now which helps)

yaela123 Mon 11-Dec-17 18:52:00

She has been having periods since she was 12 so is pretty good at managing them - she's only had to leave lessons once or twice before, when it was still quite new.

They have blocks of 2 lessons at a time and not allowed in toilets in between, so 2 hours!

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