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To be shocked at teacher telling DD to 'hold in' period.

727 replies

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 18:41

DD is 15 and her school have a no going to the toilet during lesson time rule, which I completely agree with on the whole as I know how disruptive it can be if people are constantly in and out, and how everyone just uses it as an excuse to bunk off (I am a teacher too - very different environment though)

Only exception is if you have a medical note from a doctor.

Today in one of her lessons DD says she could feel that she really needed to change her pad, she was getting quite worried about it leaking. She eventually asked the (male) teacher if she could go to the loo.

Teacher: No, you know the rules
DD: I really need it.
Teacher: What did I just say?
DD: It's a girl problem...
Teacher: What do you mean?
DD: Umm... I'm on my period
Teacher: Break is only in half an hour, hold it in til then

Obviously those aren't the exact words said but she says it's pretty accurate.
DD is quite shy so did just wait til break (no leakage btw).

She doesn't seem overly bothered but AIBU to be pretty shocked at him telling her to hold it in? Surely even men have some basic idea that it doesn't work like that?

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 11/12/2017 19:05

I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis but not until my 40s.

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 19:05

DD was pretty mortified and it would have been 100x more humiliating for if she had leaked in front of a class of 14/15 yo boys.

If I do address this do you think it would be better to do so with him directly of someone else at the school?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2017 19:05

For all those liars among us that suffer with flooding- I don't work for them but Diary Doll pants are really good for security.

RestingGrinchFace · 11/12/2017 19:05

Did he actually tell her to 'hold it in'? If so YANBU. It's not so much the fact that he didn't let her out (although her really should have) but more the words. How can someone so shockingly ignorant becqualified to teach?

MaisyPops · 11/12/2017 19:05

Bottom line is this is going to turn into share your period woes (which will be excellent material for the oddballs who love a school toilet thread).

If a girl has an issue relating to her periods which requires a toilet pass then it is possible to get them. The fact that people choose not to isn't the teacher's fault.

Personally, my default is no (in line with school policy). If students ask again in 10 mins then they're genuine, same for if they ask and offer to make the time up at the end, and there's intuition (girl asks for the first time all term vs girl who has the 'out of class' page in her planner full abd asks most lessons).

Would it be ok to tell adults when they could or could not take action to stop themselves leaking blood?
If i am on break duty then i go from when the students arrive until lunch without a toilet break. I can't leave class.
I sort my sanitary protection out like many othet women who are in jobs where they can't just nip off when it's not their break.

RidingWindhorses · 11/12/2017 19:05

DIary Doll pants are ace.

incogKNEEto · 11/12/2017 19:07

I would definitely complain, how exactly does this teacher think periods work?! He needs to be educated before he causes some poor pupil serious embarrassment.

I can't believe you are having to justify yourself either sparkling Hmm l have exactly the same issue, the majority of the time hourly/bi-hourly changing is enough but occasionally l get a massive gush (sorry tmi) and have to go immediately to the toilet or l need to change my clothes too!

Just because it has never happened to you Pen doesn't mean it never happens to anybody... how narrow minded of you to only consider your own experiences...

CosmicCanary · 11/12/2017 19:07

If I do address this do you think it would be better to do so with him directly of someone else at the school?

I would do it directly as I dont believe in going around the houses. He made the comment so he should be the one to discuss his reasoning.

LemonysSnicket · 11/12/2017 19:07

My friend bled through onto her chair in Maths when we were in year 11 for this very reason. She was utterly humiliated. I think if they’re a generally good and non disruptive kid with no history of bunking they should be trusted to go.
This was in 2011 btw.

Blackteadrinker77 · 11/12/2017 19:07

I can't believe that some grown women on here think that you don't get heavy bleeders.
I'm light and I've had times I have had a gush or clot come away. Especially after just standing up. I can imagine that is much worse for a heavy person.

Thegirlinthefireplace · 11/12/2017 19:08

Ditto sparklingbrook. I got some (or similar diff brand) after seeing them recommended on here and they are fab and make me feel so much less paranoid on my heavierst days. I shall get some for my daughter when she starts.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 11/12/2017 19:08

FFS I never used to get period pains (I do after having children) but did I ever say (or think) to friends, family members, co-workers who did that they were imagining things or lying?

AlexanderHamilton · 11/12/2017 19:08

Yes sparkling - dd uses diary doll too.

Lizzie48 · 11/12/2017 19:08

I used to have a horrible time with my periods (thankfully they stopped altogether after a D&C in my 40s). I used to have blood gushing out and blood going everywhere. I definitely couldn't 'hold it in'. It was certainly an ignorant comment on the teacher's part. Hmm

I would complain, the teacher's response was crass and lacked understanding about girls and periods, and he needs to be told IMO, otherwise he'll keep doing it.

EduCated · 11/12/2017 19:10

How wonderful it must be to have such consistently predictable periods, as some posters on this thread appear to have Hmm

YANBU, OP. I'm sure there are some girls who use 'I'm on my period' whenever they fancy getting out of lessons, but blanket refusal isn't the answer.

Also how many schools actually have toilets open and accessible in the few minutes between lesson changes?

Lizzie48 · 11/12/2017 19:10

I also agree that a doctor's note would be a good idea with unusually heavy periods.

HoneyBadgerApparently · 11/12/2017 19:10

I would address a female manager of his.

Let him feel as embarrassed as he made your DD feel Smile

yaela123 · 11/12/2017 19:12

Bit confused at why people are accusing others of lying why would they? and anyway that's not really what the thread's about Confused

DD definitely isn't the kind of student who is constantly trying to get out of lesson DD2 on the other hand...

OP posts:
missyB1 · 11/12/2017 19:12

For those saying “get a Doctors note” please don’t bother GPs with requests like that, they are busy enough as it is! They don’t have time to sit around writing notes about things that teachers should be able to understand and manage.

OP write an email or short note to that teacher explaining the problem. Hopefully most of the other teachers will have some common sense.

RidingWindhorses · 11/12/2017 19:12

Maisy - how well your sanitary protection works depends entirely on your periods.

There was a model who was fired from a job because she asked for a toilet break, wasn't allowed, it was then too late and then needed to change her tights and underwear.

She was fired the next day.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 11/12/2017 19:12

Those look good, sparkling. Obviously being a liar I won’t need them, but they look worth a try.

AtiaoftheJulii · 11/12/2017 19:13

If you get a BIG gush of blood a pad simply can't soak it up quick enough and it leaks.

I don't have heavy periods at all (and am premenopausal now and have periods that only last 2 days), but I've certainly experienced this many times, and still do despite the generally short and light periods. Fairly amazed that some people haven't tbh!


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Ermm · 11/12/2017 19:14

You should totally complain! Very badly handled. Imagine what other kind of clanger he could make to some other poor girl.

I once had a female teacher at school tell me I could swim with my period and it would stop when I was in the water.

W. T. F.

Dominithecat · 11/12/2017 19:15

poster BarbarianMum Mon
I found as a young teen that it took a few years to get the hang of managing my periods. Learning to recognise the signs that one was due, working out which days were likely to be heavy flow, knowing how often I needed to change towels. Maybe some find it easy - I didn't. Doubt that I was the only one.

I am fast heading to 50 years old and I still struggle, mainly because every single time is different. The signs change, the length of the cycle changes, the amount changes, the type of sanitary ware has to change to accommodate the flow changes. Every single time, also have never been monthly, can go up to 5 months between or as short as 3 days.

Pumperthepumper · 11/12/2017 19:16

Definitely get in touch with the school, that’s a stupid thing for him to say.

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