To not offer this mum a lift

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

I live opposite a young mum and her two children. They're both under 4.

She's on income support but looking for work.

I would always see her every morning taking her oldest to school while pushing the youngest in the pram. She takes the bus. It's uphill all the way so a bus is necessary for the journey really. She does this journey there and back twice a day.

I know a lot of people do similar.

My son has just started going to the same school. I leave after her and take my son in the car.

I don't see her on the way back as o get there earlier than her.

On the way back I always see her in the playground and we have a chat. I always feel quite guilty as I get into my car with my son, knowing we are driving to exactly where she house is and I have three car seats in the back.

I feel bad as I drive away and watch her waiting at the bus stop!

But I hate the idea of having to take her and her children every day for the rest of my sons time in school! I don't feel I can offer some days and not feel obliged to offer other days.

If it's pouring with rain I will offer but not unless the weather is bad.

I know it's not unreasonable but is that a little mean?

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

My son and her child are in reception class. My son just started and her oldest has been going since he was 2.

[wildpoppiesanddaisies]

It sounds like you know her quite well.

I think it is not unreasonable at all to only offer a lift some days.

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

Under 5*

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

On the way there I don't see her. Sorry brain only half working this afternoon!

[PolkadotPony]

I think it's a bit mean. It would save her money and time, for no real effort on your part. My neighbours and I regularly help one another out in this manner.

[esiotrot2015]

No I don't think you need to offer
I don't drive & am always mortified when people at school offer lifts
I'm fine walking whatever the weather , it's horrid when people pity you & the dcs

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu, giving someone a lift every day is a big tie

It's fine to just offer it's raining and is convenient for you

I don't drive and don't expect lifts, it's nice when people offer but I don't judge them if the don't

[WhatIsWrongWithMePlease]

I don't know why her being on income support has got to do with it.

Well you've said you'll offer when it's raining which is very nice of you so I'd just leave it as that. It would be nice of you to take her everyday but I wouldn't want that type of arrangement either so totally understand why you're reluctant to do that.

[PollytheDolly]

I get it. You don't want to be tied to doing this for years. You're ready to go, what if she's on the drag? It's a whole new set of things to think about. Difficult situation.

Sorry not much help but I'd be reluctant as well, if that helps.

[Beachedwh4le]

I'd probably offer the lift to be honest.

[DianaMemorialJam]

She hasn't even asked you to give her regular lifts (from what I can tell) so why are you making a big deal out of this?

[pinkmagic1]

If I was literally driving to her door I would always offer. I think it is being mean tbh.

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

I don't think I could drive past them waiting at a bus stop if it wasn't going to inconvenience me at all to give them a lift. How long is the journey? Is it that you don't want to have to make small talk for ages?

If tables were turned what would you hope a neighbour would do for you?

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

Because she doesn't have much money which make sure a difference.

I've been on income support before and it was hard.

The bus fare almost crippled me.

[Skinnydecafflatte]

On a practical level so you h e the appropriate cars seats to be able to do this? Would you fit three car seats in your car?

[Skinnydecafflatte]

*do you have 😳🙈

[SilverdaleGlen]

I think you should offer and just be clear there will be times it isn't convenient.

Never underestimate where a life change may bring you, there may be a day her helping you out walking DC/picking up/ having them over will be invaluable.

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

No she hasn't asked. She might not even want a lift. But that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about this situation.


The bus ride is 10 mins. By car it's about 5 minutes.

[pawpatrolcanfoff]

Yes I already have three car seats in my car. It's a big car with three proper sized seats at the back.

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

If you have the inclination to offer a lift one day and share a coffee after the drop off? One day you may need a favour too!!
A friendly neighbour is never a bad thing to have!! One of mine tho we never shared more than a chat at the gate lent me £1 one night late on when the tooth fairy needed to show and I had no money!!

[melonribena]

You sound like a lovely person, and she doesn't sound grabby!
Therefore, I would offer to take them but make it clear that some days won't be convenient.

[witwootoodleoo]

Can't you just share school runs and do one each a day? She does hers by bus with the kids, you do yours by car.

[knaffedoff]

Gosh I am glad you're not my neighbour. I can't imagine why you wouldn't offer a lift when it's not going out your way !

[fuzzywuzzy]

When I had a baby and toddler I was happy to do school runs.

Other mums would offer but I never accepted unless there was exceptional circumstances i.e. If I wasn't feeling well/it was raining etc.

I always felt really grateful when anyone offered but I know they weren't obliged to offer and I also don't like owing people, they wouldn't have asked me for anything in return but in my head I knew I owed them for their kindness.

I'd offer when you want to, and don't if you don't. It's not a problem and she's not asked.