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To not offer this mum a lift

(215 Posts)
pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:08:48

I live opposite a young mum and her two children. They're both under 4.

She's on income support but looking for work.

I would always see her every morning taking her oldest to school while pushing the youngest in the pram. She takes the bus. It's uphill all the way so a bus is necessary for the journey really. She does this journey there and back twice a day.

I know a lot of people do similar.

My son has just started going to the same school. I leave after her and take my son in the car.

I don't see her on the way back as o get there earlier than her.

On the way back I always see her in the playground and we have a chat. I always feel quite guilty as I get into my car with my son, knowing we are driving to exactly where she house is and I have three car seats in the back.

I feel bad as I drive away and watch her waiting at the bus stop!

But I hate the idea of having to take her and her children every day for the rest of my sons time in school! I don't feel I can offer some days and not feel obliged to offer other days.

If it's pouring with rain I will offer but not unless the weather is bad.

I know it's not unreasonable but is that a little mean?

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:09:46

My son and her child are in reception class. My son just started and her oldest has been going since he was 2.

wildpoppiesanddaisies Wed 08-Mar-17 13:10:03

It sounds like you know her quite well.

I think it is not unreasonable at all to only offer a lift some days.

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:10:20

Under 5*

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:11:17

On the way there I don't see her. Sorry brain only half working this afternoon!

PolkadotPony Wed 08-Mar-17 13:11:54

I think it's a bit mean. It would save her money and time, for no real effort on your part. My neighbours and I regularly help one another out in this manner.

esiotrot2015 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:12:51

No I don't think you need to offer
I don't drive & am always mortified when people at school offer lifts
I'm fine walking whatever the weather , it's horrid when people pity you & the dcs

harderandharder2breathe Wed 08-Mar-17 13:12:58

Yanbu, giving someone a lift every day is a big tie

It's fine to just offer it's raining and is convenient for you

I don't drive and don't expect lifts, it's nice when people offer but I don't judge them if the don't

WhatIsWrongWithMePlease Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:14

I don't know why her being on income support has got to do with it.

Well you've said you'll offer when it's raining which is very nice of you so I'd just leave it as that. It would be nice of you to take her everyday but I wouldn't want that type of arrangement either so totally understand why you're reluctant to do that.

PollytheDolly Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:27

I get it. You don't want to be tied to doing this for years. You're ready to go, what if she's on the drag? It's a whole new set of things to think about. Difficult situation.

Sorry not much help but I'd be reluctant as well, if that helps.

ClemDanfango Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:30

yanbu but I would feel exactly the same as you, would you feel more comfortable just dropping her child for her rather than taking her and the baby aswell? On the understanding that you'll give her a bit of notice if for some reason you can't do it for some reason? Like if your child were to be off sick she'd have to get the bus again.
It feels like you want to be kind but at the same time not be taken advantage of which is not U at all.

Beachedwh4le Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:37

I'd probably offer the lift to be honest.

DianaMemorialJam Wed 08-Mar-17 13:13:49

She hasn't even asked you to give her regular lifts (from what I can tell) so why are you making a big deal out of this? confused

pinkmagic1 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:00

If I was literally driving to her door I would always offer. I think it is being mean tbh.

TheWildRumpyPumpus Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:20

I don't think I could drive past them waiting at a bus stop if it wasn't going to inconvenience me at all to give them a lift. How long is the journey? Is it that you don't want to have to make small talk for ages?

If tables were turned what would you hope a neighbour would do for you?

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:38

Because she doesn't have much money which make sure a difference.

I've been on income support before and it was hard.

The bus fare almost crippled me.

Skinnydecafflatte Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:39

On a practical level so you h e the appropriate cars seats to be able to do this? Would you fit three car seats in your car?

Skinnydecafflatte Wed 08-Mar-17 13:14:55

*do you have 😳🙈

SilverdaleGlen Wed 08-Mar-17 13:15:34

I think you should offer and just be clear there will be times it isn't convenient.

Never underestimate where a life change may bring you, there may be a day her helping you out walking DC/picking up/ having them over will be invaluable.

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:15:36

No she hasn't asked. She might not even want a lift. But that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about this situation.

The bus ride is 10 mins. By car it's about 5 minutes.

pawpatrolcanfoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:16:24

Yes I already have three car seats in my car. It's a big car with three proper sized seats at the back.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Wed 08-Mar-17 13:17:29

If you have the inclination to offer a lift one day and share a coffee after the drop off? One day you may need a favour too!!
A friendly neighbour is never a bad thing to have!! One of mine tho we never shared more than a chat at the gate lent me £1 one night late on when the tooth fairy needed to show and I had no money!!

melonribena Wed 08-Mar-17 13:18:11

You sound like a lovely person, and she doesn't sound grabby!
Therefore, I would offer to take them but make it clear that some days won't be convenient.

witwootoodleoo Wed 08-Mar-17 13:18:18

Can't you just share school runs and do one each a day? She does hers by bus with the kids, you do yours by car.

knaffedoff Wed 08-Mar-17 13:18:19

Gosh I am glad you're not my neighbour. I can't imagine why you wouldn't offer a lift when it's not going out your way !

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